It’s Tax Day! It’s the day we all give back to the government so the dimwits in Congress can quickly waste the money on some bridge to nowhere. Man, if it weren’t for withholding, today would be a day of complete chaos and anarchy. It would be awesome.
I just wish this day didn’t have to feel so much like take a big portion of my earnings from last year and throwing it in a pile and burning it. What am I paying for these days? Defaulted mortgages caused by earlier jackassery of the government? It would be nice if the government at least humored us, sending us pictures of terrorists getting blown to pieces labeled, “Your taxes paid for this.” Then I’d at least feel my thousands of dollars were going to something useful. Instead I keep hearing about million dollar grants to some random museum in a Congressman’s district that didn’t even request money.
Here’s what we should do. I assume a lot of the Congressmen use some credit union or something in D.C. We should find a way to hack into all their accounts, steal all their money, and then spend it on completely useless crap… like everything from the Sharper Image catalog. Then they’ll get know what it feels like.
IRS.gov should set up a web page where the
moochersentitlement class can sign a huge “thank you” guest book to all of us suckers who decided to be responsible, hard-working taxpayers who live and breed within our means. Then maybe they can come over and mow our lawns or let us use them for paintball practice for awhile.I’m not good at saving (so don’t tell me about lost interest) so I have them take the max out of my check and use my refund for Buy a Gun Day.
Maybe you should try that.
It makes you less angry and even if it doesn’t, you have a gun so you can make noise and put holes in targets to relax.
Be happy, Frank. Feel good knowing that part of the money the government leeches from you goes to the families of suicide bombers, to the governments of countries that call for our demise on a daily basis, to jet trips for Nancy Pelosi and her family, to help fund abortions, to pay people not to get jobs and to have more kids out of wedlock that will soon be in one of the many prisons in which you pay for cable TV, and to teach public school students and the PBS and NPR audiences to hate America. Feel better?
Spend all their money on crap from QVC, break it, then send it to them COD.
That may be similar to what they do with our $$$
It needs to be changed from Tax Day (a nice friendly sounding phrase) to what it is “Buggering Day”! Where each American get’s bent over his car (into which he will be spoonin $4.00 gas by summertime) and he get’s buggered by the Federal and State Governments. And what does he have to show for it? Pants down around his ankles and a sore butt! That’s how ussjimmycarter feels today! And I screamed ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the whole time it was happening! You can bugger me but you can’t shut me up!
Is that a soft “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” or a hard “AHHHHHHHH!@%$#@!!!!” sound, ussjc?
BTW, I can’t bugger you, ussjimmycarter. I have the monogamy gene.
Oh, and “throw ’em a bone.”
ussjc, give me my money bitch.
But it’s not. 🙂
It’s more like throwing your earnings on the pile, then borrowing a bunch more from Guido the Loanshark to through on the pile. And you reassure Guido by pointing to your kid and say “If I don’t cover this, take it out of his hide.”
How come I never spot the spelling error `til I hit submit? Dang. 🙁
My Dad just showed me the thank you card he got from Hu Jintao. I got an envelope addressed to “SUCKA”.
Every food stamp moocher should be forced to say thank you to everyone in line after making a purchase. And buy only specail limtied foods laced with saltpeter.
The thank you rule should also apply to housing, healthcare, and all of the other looter/moocher services.
Also, why is it the moochers complain about all of the personal questions when they apply for welfare, but have no qualms about forcing you and I what we have to reveal on our tax forms?
It’d be democratic to allow citizens to do something like “directed giving” on their taxes. That is, each taxpayer could decide where his or her tax dollars were to be used.
I got most of my money back, but it still hurts me that the stuff I didn’t get back is going to stupid things, when it should be going to nuking the moon, killing terrorists, or transporting terrorists to the moon before nuking it. The last is very important as we need to know what happens to a terrorist when he is nuked in a low gravity situation. My guess, its very funny. We can also send hippies to the moon, and they can try to stop us nuking them by throwing flowers, but it won’t work, because there are no flowers on the moon. And flowers really don’t hurt all that much besides.
1,2,3,4,1,2
Let me tell you how it will be,
There’s one for you, nineteen for me,
‘Cause I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.
Should five per cent appear too small,
Be thankful I don’t take it all.
‘Cos I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.
(If you drive a car ), I’ll tax the street,
(If you try to sit ), I’ll tax your seat,
(If you get too cold ), I’ll tax the heat,
(If you take a walk ), I’ll tax your feet.
Taxman.
‘Cause I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.
Don’t ask me what I want it for
(Taxman! Mister Wilson!)
If you don’t want to pay some more
(Taxman! Mister Heath!),
‘Cause I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.
Now my advice for those who die, (Taxman!)
Declare the pennies on your eyes, (Taxman!)
‘Cause I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.
And you’re working for no-one but me,
(Taxman).
I know I did post this once before but it seemed so appropriate to todays discussion that I figure a re-post is justified….z PS RIP George Harrison.
I want my taxes to go to awesome weaponry for the United States of America’s armed forces (especially arming the dinosaurs), and to maintaining the highways. I don’t see any other relevant use the government has for my money.
Look on the bright side, At least next year you get another deduction that you can use for the next 17 years.
Tax Day? No, it’s ‘B.O.H.I.C.A. Day’
Imagine the electoral massacre that would occur if ‘B.O.H.I.C.A. Day’ was moved to Nov. 1st
Imagine the electoral bloodshed that would occur if everyone had to file their taxes once a month, like the rest of our bills.
Imagine the electoral carnage that would occur if the Gov’t. didn’t steal your money from you each payday, but instead,
you got that ONE GARGANTUAN ‘PAY-UP-OR-WE’LL PUT YOU IN A 6X8 CELL WITH BUBBA’ NOTICE.
Well, my wife and I went to a TEA party rally this afternoon after work.
I didn’t see any hippy anti-TEA party infiltrators to punch, and no wacko anarchists tried to mug us on our way to the parking lot, so the trip was a bit of a let-down.
Maybe they were scared off by the menacing bulge in my pants, or by the outline of the pistol in my pocket?