So they had the straw poll at CPAC to find who would be the conservative choice for president, and the winner was…
RON PAUL!
Have you heard of this guy? Apparently he’s a great conservative and there is a grassroots movement behind him. His crazed supporters who repulse anyone they talk to have gamed polls before because they don’t have anything else in their lives, but maybe this time it’s a for real thing and there is actual support for Ron Paul and not just among people who think the Jews are responsible for 9/11.
Seriously, though, how do we convince these guys to give it up? Can we convince them to be Democrats and get them to pester those people instead? I just don’t want to deal with the density of Ron Paul supporters another election year. We have to somehow make it clear to them that everyone hates them and no one is going to vote for Ron Paul. In fact, here are things I would rather vote for than Ron Paul:
THINGS I WOULD RATHER VOTE FOR THAN RON PAUL
* Root canals for everybody
* A new Star Wars trilogy centered on Jar Jar Binks
* Obamacare
* The Black Eyed Peas
* Cancer
* Windows ME
* Clamshell packaging
* Sweet sweet death
* Mike Huckabee
hey I like Mike Huckabee.
I just want Ron Paul to get put in some financial position within the office of the president. I am on board with that guy when it comes to finances. However when he talks about any thing else he sounds like the crazy red neck who claims he was abducted by UFO’s. that I cant get behind.
unless theres and anal probe.
ha see what I did there, behind, anal probe?
yeah you know what I’m talkin about.
*A fat guys “Pack of hotdogs” back-o-the-neck rolls
*A finger to the eye
*Interpretive Dance Network
*A posessed hand like in Evil Dead II
*A finger to the eye
Yeah, don’t really have a problem with Paul’s ideas about taxes and finances. He’d certainly be a better economic adviser than Jennifer Granholm. Speaking as a citizen of Michigan, which has one of the worst economies in the country, I can’t understand for the life of me why that woman ever made it into anything to do with economics.
Come on, Windows ME was so bad as the eclipse the rest of this list. Take it out, it is diminishing the severity of all the others.
Maybe it’s one of those honorary awards, Frank, given to old guys right before they die. Kind of like singing “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” to someone with dementia.
Frankly, I’m excited. These other loser Republicans are going to make me mad by voting for something named Romney or, God forbid, Huntsman. I need comic relief from his supporters. I miss them.
Things I would rather vote for than Ron Paul:
* Willie Nelson’s joint.
* Hillary Clinton.
* General Vo Nguyen Giap.
* A brown marmorated stink bug.
* A cat.
These drug items, creepy women, communists, insects, and animals are all rather disgusting things, but they do not believe 9/11 was an inside job.
If the new pub Pres wanted to make Ron Paul treas Sec or Fed Chairman I would go for that.
But Ron Paul couldn’t convince dogs to follow him if he were smeared with peanut butter. Except for a few loud, wierd dogs.
Turtle… I’m a michigan guy myself… I know what your sayin.
Things I would rather vote for than Ron Paul:
* a Frenchman
* corn blight
* painful rectal itch
* MarkoMancuso’s goony German Shepherd
She’d do a heckuva job, cat. She’d offend Muslims, however, with her fondness for pig ear treats.
Jane Fonda(scratch that)Robert McNamara(scratch that one, too)Anyone else named Ron
Pencils in my eyes and ears
A summer with the nitwits on Gold Rush
Severe intestinal blockage
A diet prescribed by Michelle
Marko – she can offend Muslim by eating their ears for all I care. I have no doubts she’d do a better job than Ron Paul or the current White House resident.
Also, she’d stain the carpets less.
An hour long phone call from Meghan McCain
Nude pictures of Nancy Pelosi
Home dentistry
Bathing with an electric washcloth
Licking the cat’s litter pan
Holy Drama Kings, Batman. He’s not THAT bad. Of course, I have a Live Free or Die mentality and believe in live and let live. I know everyone thinks that if you elect a Libertarian it’s going to mean drugs everywhere but I ask you this: would ‘special’ brownies going around the Congress be such a bad thing?
Burma, his name was actually Screw Robert Strange McNamara. A strange name, for sure, but I use it.
Carolyn,
Ron Paul’s foreign policy may have worked in the 1890s. It would be far too dangerous for modern reality.
And that is the tip of the iceberg. A crazy, old iceberg.
I’m sorry but, the ‘Barack and Michelle Obama Paper Dolls’ being advertised to me from your sidebar right now are making me want to scream, gag, puke, claw out my eyeballs, and beg for mercy.
I think I’d rather have Ron Paul for President than ever see that again.
Maybe.
Basically, CPAC has turned into the Grammys:
This year, the cast of Glee (aka Ghey) was actually nominated for a Grammy for singing Journey’s classic “Don’t Stop Believing,” even though Journey never was.
Neil Young won the “Best Rock Song” Grammy for a song no one ever heard of, beating out “Mumford & Sons,” a band that no one ever heard of.
Esperanza Spalding, an upright bass player who plays jazz that no one’s ever heard (and released her first album in 2006) was the “Best New Artist,” beating out “Florence & The Machine” (who?) and the still unknown “Mumford & Sons.”
“Them Crooked Vultures” (who?) won the “Best Hard Rock Performance” Grammy.
The “Best Urban/Alternative Performance” went to Cee Lo Green for “F**k You.”
“Best Comedy Album” went to Lewis Black, beating out Margaret Cho and Kathy Griffin…were any of them ever funny?
Lady Gaga was nominated for 6 Grammys, Eminem was nominated for 10 and Justin Bieber was nominated for 3.
…and Lady Gaga arrived in an egg and not one person thought that was incredibly stupid…especially Ryan Seacrest who actually wanted to know what wardrobe she was wearing in the egg.
Meanwhile, CPAC thinks we want Ron Paul, Mitt Romney or Huckabee…same thing, really. Both completely out of touch with reality.
MarkM,
Okay but what if his foreign policy involved giving the special brownies to those whom our foreign policy involves? I see peace and love in the Middle East…. at least until the munchies take over.
RON PAUL! What’s worst, Ron Paul or his whacked out minions?
Though I must confess the list of things Frank would vote for over Ron Paul isn’t all that attractive. Mike Huckabee is the only thing I would vote for over Ron Paul on that list. I mean, a new Star Wars Trilogy centered on Jar Jar Binks? The HORROR! That alone is good enough reason for a Jihad against George Lucas.
Add Mitt Romney, Huckabee, Gingrich, and Windows 7 plz.
you get the government that you deserve-all you ron paul bashers deserve to be in this mess that america is in right now-ron paul supporters are trying to get the system changed for the good of everyone, including you all-maybe you`ll understand that when you all grow up
I WOULD vote for a new star wars trilogy based around Mike Huckabee.
No Romney, no Huckabee, no Paul, no Newt – just no. Sarah (and Bachmann actually) have been taking all the hits for 2 years and now these guys come out of the bushes? Fuggedaboutit. Of course if Fred would only run again this wouldn’t even be an issue.
When will y’all learn to spell? It’s “RON PAUL!!!1!!1!!”
But, think of all the jobs he’d create by building that isolationist wall around the US. It would make the great wall of China look like something kids built with Legos. It would also solve our illegal immigrant problem..
Yes! We’ve finally scored a Ron Paul troll! SUCCESS!
Everyone gives root canals a bad rep. They ain’t that bad. Kinda boring sitting in the chair that long, and boy does the jaw get sore from having to keep it open that long, but aside from that not bad at all.
I’d rather vote for BARAK OBAMA than for Ron Paul!!! Nah…just kidding.
Burma,
How many times do I have to write “tip of the iceberg”?
Marko, I’ve just been surprised that with all the Ron Paul posting here lately, I don’t think I’ve seen a troll. My theory is that when there’s actual Ron Paul news, the Paulians get spread pretty thin amongst all the blogs.
Burma, maybe they’ve largely come to respond to attention the same way they respond to women; bray about about them until one walks in the room, then scuttle into a corner.
What I would vote for before Ron Paul:
*Scientology as the established religion of the USA
Bob Dylan, if he promises to never sing again. PLEASE!!!!!
Ron Paul! Wins The Future?, which quickly becomes the distant past. As I said before, ”The Enemy of my Romney is my friend.”
The funny thing about CPAC this year was the number of people who were conspicuous by their absence.
What do they know that we don’t?
People/things I would vote for before Ron Paul:
1. Lady Gaga’s egg
2. Boyd Crowder
3. Bo Crowder
4. The guy who used to ride the red line every Monday morning who liked to stand in the aisle sharing his own delightfully quirky interpretation of scripture at the top of his lungs.
5. Someone selected at random from a furry convention.
6. Mitt Romney
7. Reavers
1. A Twilight movie marathon
2. Nancy Pelosi in a thong
3. A national ban on nachos
4. That guy cimbing the border fence right now
5. Lisa Murkowski
6. A monkey
7.Whoever steals my newspaper
Ron Paul’s political philosophy is spot on. He embodies proper American values: small government, individual liberty and responsibility, no foreign intervention. Why do you dislike such values??
1. The shutdown of Facebook
2. The end of Gateway
3. The end of Fox News
4 A nationwide ban of caffeine
5. A daily root canal without anesthesia or pain killer
6. Mandatory calculus for all college majors
I dunno… I might vote for Ron Paul – as far as I can tell so far, he supports the same small government principles I support. But I’m a lot more likely to vote for him if he works on the way he presents his ideas… anyone else getting the ‘crazy old uncle’ vibe?
@americanstalker: It irks me when liberal arts majors complain about their non-math, non-science classes… I’d vote for calculus for all college majors regardless of whether I vote for Ron Paul. 😀
It is statistically provable that the vast majority of Ron Paul opponents are practicing sodomists and/or Communists.
http://dailypaul.com/157171/poll-ron-paul-41-obama-42
RON PAUL!!1!!
MATT DAMON!!1!!
SAME THING!!1!!
In all fairness, Dr. Ron Paul is a gynecologist, and who better to understand Washington in general and Obama in particular than a gynecologist? He was also hilarious in Bruno.
That said, his supporters seem to think that if they just yell his name in public enough times, he’ll win. It’s like some sort of say Beatlejuice three times or Biggie Smalls in the mirror on Halloween or something.
50% of the time, Ron Paul is awesome. The other 50% of the time, he is insane.
Huckabee is actually a really nice guy from what I can tell. It’s pretty hard for me to feel good about a conservative Christian as a candidate, but I could see myself voting for him instead of some of the Democrats that might run.
I just wanted to say I think this is unfair to root canals. I just got a root canal and was really happy to have all that pain go away. I think you should say you’d rather have a toothache. Politicians are more like toothaches than root canals. The pain just throbs away endlessly until you do something about it. Can we have a politician canal? Then we’ll just throw them all in.