* Paul Ryan has said he’s not running for president, so for all of you who thought Ryan was going to ride to the rescue and cut this nation’s spending, that’s not going to happen. I still kind of expect some more people to jump in the race, though, just by the virtue of the fact that polling is now saying pretty much anyone could beat Obama (even RON PAUL!!). If you can claw your way through the primary, the only thing left standing between you and the presidency is president job-destroyer. If I were the Republican candidate, I’d spend my whole first debate with Obama just pointing and laughing.
* But Obama will fix things before November 2012 because he’s working on… wait for it… a new jobs plan! Actually, it’s been downgraded to a jobs outline. So not a whole plan; just an outline. So it will look something like this:
A. Introduction
1. Jobs are important
2. Government can help make jobs
B. Jobs Ideas
1. Spend lots of money
2. [Idea 2 goes here]
3. [Idea 3 goes here]
C. Conclusion
1. Re-elect Obama
* Good news: Vice President Biden is not going to second-guess China’s one child policy in which they have mass-sterilizations and forced abortions. So if you were fearing some basic moral clarity interfering with Biden’s visit to China, don’t worry — it’s not going to happen. Usually Biden is pretty gaffe-prone, but in China he’s going to be on his best behavior and watch every word he says. Yay.
* Obama has figured out why he’s so unpopular: Congress. That’s an interesting theory. Know what my theory is? Rogue unicorns. Unicorns have turned against Obama and now he can’t sustain his popularity without his rainbow magic.
Or, there’s the outlandish theory that Obama is just a horrible president and it’s obvious to everyone. But going by Occam’s razor, it’s most likely rogue unicorns.
* It’s looking like no one is going to to primary Obama now that Russ Feingold a few days ago said he wouldn’t. Here’s a question, though: Would Obama have a primary challenge if he were white? It’s hard to see how he wouldn’t with how horrible he’s been and how bad he’s polling against every challenger. But if Obama got primaried, it would anger the blacks who vote overwhelmingly Democrat, and Democrats can’t survive without them. So racism gets Obama in play.
BTW, there is now a Martin Luther King memorial on the National Mall. If we only listened to MLK’s advice to judge people not “by the color of their skin but by the content of their character” we never would have been stuck in this Obama mess.
* You may have thought this recession thing was just an earth-based phenomenon, but it’s now affecting the whole universe. Scientists have found that galaxies are now running out of gas and thus fewer and fewer stars are being made. Don’t worry, though: Obama is making a new star-creation program. You may say, “But U.S. presidents can’t make stars.” Yes, but they can’t make jobs either but that’s never stopped Obama from trying.
* In other science news, scientists think they’ve found a really old fossil. The oldest fossil, in fact — 3.4 billion years. Apparently, unbeknownst to non-scientists, there’s been a big war over who has the oldest fossil. Hundreds have died. Mainly from old age.
Anyway, one guy is like, “I have the oldest fossil!” And another is like, “No, that’s just a random cluster of chemicals; this is the oldest fossil of a one-celled organism!” And it’s just goes on and on like that, but it’s very important to find out what is really the oldest fossil because whoever discovered it gets half-off at the science gift shop. They sell ant farms there.
* Wisdom of the Day: “If we raised taxes on the top 1% to 100% of their income, we’d still have a $500 billion deficit.” –PoliticalMath
Ryan would be a great VP pick.
Libyan rebels caught the Qdaffy kids and let them go? Who did we send over to advise these guys – Janet Napolitano?
In fairness, Cat you would have also let them go if they had given you tuna.
Galaxies are now running out of gas? Well shoot; I’ve got 10 bucks that says there’s no shortage of it in ussjimmycarter land!
What do you mean by “Even Ron Paul”?
You American’s need to wake up!!
If Ron Paul doesn’t get elected America will be third world in 7 years.
All of Australia wants Ron Paul as the next US President!!
1. Spend lots of money. 2. Spend more money. 3. Spend even more money than that. 4. Conclusion?….Didn’t spend enough money.
Obama has just released his new jobs plan:
1) Read off teleprompter in condescending tone.
2) ???
3) Jobs!!
Son of Bob he said he was waiting until September to tell us. So for now he’s using his decoder ring to save Little Orphan Annie and get the job-creating secret message. He’s going to be thrilled when it is so simple:
Drink Ovaltine!
Carolyn, No his secret decoder ring isn’t even that fun. His says, “Eat your peas.”
Obama will blame Booosh for the lack of jobs. Expect to see a photoshop of Booosh and Palin, with a moose gun, posing over the corpse of the Magical Job Creation Unicorn.
“Create stars? I thought you said you wanted me to create CZARS!”
Ba-dum-dump.
Occam’s razor? You know liberals can’t stand logic. It’s their kryptonite. It’s more likely Obama’s razor: It’s everyone’s fault but mine. This can also be paraphrased: My plan would have work perfectly if it wasn’t for reality getting in the way.
Obama’s smarty wizard math tells him that if he raises the tax rate on the richest 1% to 100%, and that gets the deficit down to $500B, then he should raise it to 200%.
“Because, let me be clear, if we take 100% of their monies, they just don’t get to keep any, and they really aren’t paying their fair share. We should take all their money, and make them pay a tax of 100% on all the money they made. I mean we made,..err took,…redistrib,…Stimulus!! And you’re a racist for asking! Michelle said so! Now that I fixed the Bush-era recession, I’m taking a vacation.”
Obama’s Job plan has always been:
Punish the rich with taxes
Force businesses to be nice with regulations
Get people back to work by extending their unemployment benefits
Insist on a big pile of stimulus money to pass out to campaign donors
Model how to be rich by living a lavish empty lifestyle on the public dime
Give cheapass insulting gifts to our allies
Shutdown productive industries by executive fiat for being messy
Start wars to get the price of raw materials up and use up excess smart bombs
Scooby Obama…”I would have saved the economy but for that meddling reality.”
Stars running out of gas? Durn that Dick Cheney and his star gas stealing drones !!!
Hey, what’s with the shot from the prego? I’m just sittin’ here minding my business and WHAM out of nowhere I get smacked up side the head? Like…i like it!!! So it’s war she wants…muwhahahahahahahah…
Weren’t Black Holes like fundamental in the actual creation of Stars and Galaxies and such? If so, then I propose we get together with those filthy commie Ruskie’s and Chinese and we all send like 20,000 nuclear bombs at the sun at once! This should be enough to cause the Sun to begin the process of Super Nova (creating very much gas) and then it will like shrink down to the size of an orange or something before it like goes GABLEWEY!!! And then we shall have a Black Hole!!! That sounds like an Obama project because it would like totally eliminate a big chunk of the Milky Way and rid the Universe of Evil Green House producing human maggots!!!
Obama promised me hope, change, gas, mortgage payments, and, above all, a free unicorn. Now he says he only promised me that stuff because he thought I was a black! This is not acceptable!
The exciting nature of things we get from Obama are very fluid and dynmaic. “Plan Jobs,” a Class 4 Fiction emanating from
some gawdforsaken place in Iowapolo field on Martha’s Vineyardthe Oval Office has beendowngradeddenigratedreduced to merely “Outline Jobs.” If it continues to lose steam at this pace, it will be declassed to “Rough Draft Jobs” or “Cocktail Napkin Jobs” with the eventual result being “Mostly Empty Scrap of Paper with Words ‘Phase 3: Jobs’ on It.” Running on his record of achievements! Attaboy, Mr. President!Of course, you can’t blame our
FecklessFearless Leader for having to cut corners on what was to be his crowning achievement of the summer of his last year before reelection. He’s been busy. And when you’re busy lounging at a posh elite vacation spot and there’s that jobs thing you said you’d pivot to like 19 times, something’s got to give. (pass the suntan lotion, Michelle)Oh, I see that Martin Luther King, Jr. will have a memorial on the National Mall. This is very important, because the next time a conservative holds a rally on the National Mall like Glenn Beck did last year, the liberals can’t just say “we own this venue on this date because *snort* *spittle* MLK!!1!” but can also point to the freaking memorial in the ultimate “scoreboard” gesture.
DC just got smoted! That was a good thing! I’m cheering for God on this one!
Obama says he had the economy all ready to begin a remarkable recovery starting this morning, unfortunately the earthquake occurred, causing a setback.
Democrats are now pushing for the source of the earthquake to named for the previous president, so it will forever be known as ‘Bush’s Fault’.
Wisdom of the Day: “If we raised taxes on the top 1% to 100% of their income, we’d still have a $500 billion deficit.”
Actually, at some point well before reaching 100% tax on the top 1% of earners, the deficit balloons to a size worse than it is now. It’s the tipping point where these top earners pack up and move to a more economically hospitable country that allows them to earn a fair living for the goods or services they provde. But their new country’s deficit (if it has one) will begin to look much brighter. So I guess raising taxes on the wealthy really is a jobs plan– it’s just that those jobs will be somewhere else besides America.
even God has had enough of DC. It’s time for Generic Republican to lead us to the Promise Land. The great thing is we get to loot the Beltway land as we go on our way. It’s our stuff anyway
You don’t scare me, ussjimmy! Muwahahaha! Bring it! I’ll sit on you. In 3 months that will be no small threat.
It will take a lot more than a 5.8 earthquake to get those peoples attention. After spending 20 years in the Peoples Democratic Republic of Maryland I can tell you that most people didn’t even feel it. Most people are so self absorbed if God himself came down personally to smite them they’d tell him to take a number.
If you can claw your way through the primary, the only thing left standing between you and the presidency is president job-destroyer. If I were the Republican candidate, I’d spend my whole first debate with Obama just pointing and laughing.
Like I keep saying – Frank J. For Preznit!!!
I know this is completely off topic and all but I think you should be teaching Buttercup about the finer points of physics by now. Like turning over a toy car and teaching her that a spinning wheel will slow down by gravity and friction. Even if she doesn’t grasp the concept, she’ll know by witnessing it. Next step, the gyroscope from 1960s hell. I’m all into Sciency, and I’d hope that you & Sarah would feel the same way too.
“If we raised taxes on the top 1% to 100% of their income, we’d still have a $500 billion deficit.”
Youth is wasted on the old.
Why in the World Isn’t Obama Popular?
Uh because he’s an incideous marxist with no class and doesn’t eat bacon!
DC had an earthquake today. Early specu;ation was that Sasquatch took off her girdle, but since they are on yet another vacation and golf outing, the smart money is on bill walking in on hillary and slamming the door before he becomes stone.
If you cross uberstupid with slobsama, you get a washed up moronic sports caster who throws like a girl and destroys jobs.
Prego – Hey, I’m down to my fighting weight! I’ve gone from 247 to 200 in the last two months. I’m ready to rumble and am not afraid to punch hippies or lippy pregnant women in the head!!! Unless you plan to punch back, then it’s a different ball game and I will need a new game plan…
Are fat jokes appropriate for pregnant women? I think they are fair game but need some validation from other posters before I unleash the funny…