Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Listed in California’s new “Homeless Bill of Rights“…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Listed in California’s new “Homeless Bill of Rights“…
… a minimum of 3 appearances per year as an extra in a movie or television show.
… a $12 per hour minimum wage for panhandling.
…Out of respect for the feelings of the homeless, the stench of stale urine and body odor can no longer be called “that French smell.”
…is the right to an agent and a “play-or-pay” contract when appearing in Bumfights.
… are directions to the nearest “Occupy” camp.
… per the AP style guide, they are no longer homeless but instead have undocumented living arrangements.
… enough government benefits to have a lifestyle better than a middle-class working family. (Sadly, this is actually true.)
… pro bono agent representation when pitching a script concept.
… a plate of Anonymiss’ cookies.
is the ammendment “No homeless person shall, in time of peace or war, be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, unless the homless person is an artist and can produce a self portrait.” This is known as the Drawn and Quartering Act.
1. Freedom to speak loudly and incoherently to imaginary companions.
2. Right to bare arms, legs, feet and any other body part desired.
3. Prohibits homeless from being moved from their park bench or street corner in times of war.
4. No homeless person can have his/her brown paper bag, shopping cart, or backpack searched without a warrant.
5. No homeless person will be made to suffer through Double Jeopardy! or Judge Judy without due process of law.
6. All homeless people have a right to speedy social services, Obamaphones, and foodstamps.
7. When two homeless people have a dispute over more than $20 a jury of their peers will decide the outcome with dice, rock-paper-scissors or spin the bottle in the brown paper bag.
8. Excessive showering or cruel and unusual taunts towards homeless persons about foul body odor will not be tolerated.
9. Any rights, real or imaginary, not listed here are still valid.
10. Powers not delegated by the homeless to their imaginary alien overlord are reserved for the unwashed masses.
…is the right to yawp YGDFT!YLTATSOTE at the top of their lungs before being given a Sloppy Joe and a half-pint of milk on a potmetal cafeteria tray.
…is the right to your home
…more public assistance funded by charging the homeless an “occupancy tax” for sleeping on the street.
…guaranteed rights to use the restrooms in any public building including the governor’s mansion.
…the right to participate in roving blackouts.
…as long as you’re homeless and named Bill you’re set for life.
You have the right to sing the blues. You have the right to cable TV.
…in exchange for food the homeless will be required to wear Google glasses to extend the surveillance capabilities of DHS
…the homeless are now also allowed to blame Bush.
– all the Delta Smelt you can eat.
…are free to be joyed by all the new homeless that are broke from paying for all the old homeless’ ‘rights.’
…are free to be joined by all the new homeless that are broke from paying for all the old homeless’ ‘rights.’
(“joyed?” doh!)
Bacon! (Suddenly California doesn’t look so stupid, does it?)
….the last person leaving the state should turn off the lights and lock the door.
are only 1357 pages to define the term “homeless”
You have the right to remain Soylent.
will soon apply to the whole state
…The origami instructions to fold the bill into a makeshift shelter suitable for a small family.
…people with homes also qualify for the rights, if they voted left.
… the Right to scatter refuse in any direction to enhance the Feng Shui of their alleys.
I can’t add anything to “Homeless Bill Of Rights” to make it more humorous.
As if one could have special rights by the virtue of not having the wherewithal to avail oneself of any of the countless shelters, churches, or even a prison has to be a joke, right?
…the mention of flatulance in the section dealing with carbon credits.
…an 800 number where you can call to order it in English.
…Obama-phones!!11!!
… U CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER
…directions to the Salvation Army
a pre-approved Fannie Mae mortgage application
… is a 2nd amendment already being contested by the Dems in the Legislature.
HEADS ON A STICK!
Bacon if you get it.
… is their right to party. Come on, they fought for it all through school!
. . . are the right not to wear clothes, the right to free hypodermic needles, the right to drive people with homes out of public parks, and the right to murder other homeless people (or, as we used to call them, bums)
Suddenly California doesn’t look so stupid, does it?
I lived in California for thirty-four years. The longer I live in Iowa, the stupider California looks.
… is the right to handle pans — I heard they like that.
… is the right, as an American citizen, not to bow to any foreign prince. Our president never got the memo.
… is the right not to be blown up by Islamists. Again, Obama?
@12 – Wait… Are You Saying Carpenter Is Really Just a Homeless Guy? Bacon to Bunkerhillbilly!
http://www.imao.us/index.php/2013/04/i-may-be-having-too-much-fun-with-this/
…the right to post conspiracy theories on IMAO as long as they end the post with ‘I AM NOT A CRACKPOT!’
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law….Homeless bums are the exception to this rule.. Open your doors Kaliforniya.
What it didn’t say or prevent was all of the other states putting their homeless on a grayhound and shipping them to cali
…the right to remain silent, unless you are more than half way through a Mexican meal, a zombie half way through a Mexican, or feel the need to scream after getting caught between Moochelle and a half eaten tamale.
You can find the words “democracy” and “fairness”. But “Liberty” and “Freedom” are absent.
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