My man in State got me a copy of the full Obamatrade bill. There are some interesting clauses tucked away inside:
- The EU will reduce tariffs on US goods if the US agrees to take Greece
- The next pressing of the $10 bill will feature “Where’s Biden?” hidden puzzles on the bills
- Commits the US Treasury to buy up large quantities of Monopoly money and Boardwalk
- It grants Obama the right of Prima Nocta for all sex slaves brought into the country
- Hillary will be traded to the Bakongo tribe for a goat pelt, a pair of earrings and a lip disc
- Mexican cartels can buy their guns directly from ATF rather than through that shady fast and furious scheme
- The OPM will be responsible for the oversight and security of all internet transactions
- Trade relations with the US will be predicated upon a nation’s exuberance for homosexuality (Fine Print: all muslim countries are exempt from this requirement)
- For all future loans from Red China, red states will be offered as collateral
- The White House and Congressional communications system will be outsourced to Bob in Mumbai
- Price controls will fix the global price of white folk at $1.99/kg
- Putin is granted the Kardashians/Jenners in exchange for stopping staring at Michelle’s posterior and giving Barack those scary looks
* If you like your cancer-causing, Chinese plastic, not only can you keep your cancer-causing, Chinese plastic, you can eat it, too.
Obama will interrupt our regularly-scheduled programming to announce this trade deal, but caveat pre-emptor.
Bill Clinton has an awful lot of Tat he is looking to exchange on the open market.
Trade timeline:
1960 All “made in America”
1980 Influx of cheap Japanese crap
2000 Influx of cheap Chinese crap
2020 Nothin’ but cheap crap from all over the world
2030 America is a Chinese province full of crap
@4 – True, although Japs don’t make crap anymore. They went and got all first-world on us.
Might happen to the Chinese, too, once they ditch communism.
2040 America is a Chinese province full of crap where Spanish is the predominate language and Islam is the predominate religion.
2050 China, realizing it has made a bad investment, sells it’s interests in America to Mexico for $1.98 and a gallon of Patron Tequila. America becomes a province of Mexico.
2051 Canada is forced to build a border fence from the Pacific to the Atlantic to keep out illegal Mexicans, formally known as Americans, who are entering Canada illegally in order to live off the Canadian welfare system.
Boy we sure ripped off that Bakongo tribe.
@4: And now, they’re having a hard time making babies.
BTW, I left out an important year:
1972 Nixon goes to China
In the end, I wonder if that was good for us, or bad for us.
I like being able to count to twenty one without taking my pants off, so I’ll pass on anything that includes the metric system.