My man in State got me a copy of the full Obamatrade bill. There are some interesting clauses tucked away inside:

• The EU will reduce tariffs on US goods if the US agrees to take Greece
• The next pressing of the $10 bill will feature “Where’s Biden?” hidden puzzles on the bills
• Commits the US Treasury to buy up large quantities of Monopoly money and Boardwalk
• It grants Obama the right of Prima Nocta for all sex slaves brought into the country
• Hillary will be traded to the Bakongo tribe for a goat pelt, a pair of earrings and a lip disc
• Mexican cartels can buy their guns directly from ATF rather than through that shady fast and furious scheme
• The OPM will be responsible for the oversight and security of all internet transactions
• Trade relations with the US will be predicated upon a nation’s exuberance for homosexuality (Fine Print: all muslim countries are exempt from this requirement)
• For all future loans from Red China, red states will be offered as collateral
• The White House and Congressional communications system will be outsourced to Bob in Mumbai
• Price controls will fix the global price of white folk at $1.99/kg
• Putin is granted the Kardashians/Jenners in exchange for stopping staring at Michelle’s posterior and giving Barack those scary looks