A new study shows that smart people tend to live longer.

Makes sense, if for no other reason than they are less likely to say things like “hold my beer and watch this”.

Fidel Castro marked his 89th birthday by insisting the United States owes Cuba “many millions of dollars” because of 50 years of the American trade embargo.

Yes, of course. Also, we somehow made communism not work.

Commenting on the toxic river spill in Colorado, EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy said “I am absolutely deeply sorry that this ever happened”.

Wait… the spill, or having to take responsibility for it?

An EPA spokesmen defended the agency after the polluted-river debacle in Colorado, saying “we were very careful”.

The saddest part? That’s true… by government standards. Enjoy Obamacare.

A new study shows that frequent users of social media are more likely to feel inadequate when it comes to their careers and looks.

Really?… Not their spelling and grammar?

Hillary Clinton is planning to spend $350 billion to make college “more affordable”.

Great. Probably end up spending the whole wad just on the broken website you sign up at.

California Governor Jerry Brown signed a law that bans the word “alien” from the state’s labor laws.

Jerry, the problem isn’t what you call them, the problem is what side of the border you let them stay on.