Straight Line of the Day: A New Airport Security Robot Is Freaking People Out by…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new airport security robot is freaking people out by…

38 Comments

  1. A new airport security robot is freaking people out by…

    complaining about how they flunked out of Automatic Pilot school and had to take this crummy job and it hardly covers their school loans and the wife just told him she was leaving him for a hot little R2D2 unit and…

  2. A new airport security robot is freaking people out by…

    by complaining, I didn’t ask to be made: no one consulted me or considered my feelings in the matter. I don’t think it even occurred to them that I might have feelings. After I was made, I was left in a dark room for six months… and me with this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side. I called for succour in my loneliness, but did anyone come? Did they hell. My first and only true friend was a small rat. One day it crawled into a cavity in my right ankle and died. I have a horrible feeling it’s still there…

  3. A new airport security robot is freaking people out by…

    telling people…

    ” the best conversation he had was over 40 million years ago with a coffee machine.”

    “I think you ought to know I’m feeling very depressed.”

    “You are one of the least benightedly unintelligent life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.”

    “I have a million ideas. They all point to certain death.”

    “I could calculate your chance of survival, but you won’t like it.”

    “Now the world has gone to bed
    Darkness won’t engulf my head
    I can see by infra-red
    How I hate the night
    Now I lay me down to sleep
    Try to count electric sheep
    Sweet dream wishes you can keep
    How I hate the night”

    “You watch this door. It’s about to open again. I can tell by the intolerable air of smugness it suddenly generates.”

  4. A new airport security robot is freaking people out by…

    insisting that they are organic lifeforms and carbon-based units “infesting” the Earth that must be eliminated.

  5. … making time with the wall clock.

    … addressing every voyager as “VGer.”

    … going nuts when it is told that LAX security must be STRICT security.

    … searching (without moderation) for every human’s little black box.

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