I ordered Spider-Man into the Spiderverse. I asked my daughter if she liked seeing that in the the theater, and she said she just remembered that she wanted to see Wreck It Ralph 2 instead. I told her she’s what’s wrong with movies these days.
The left deciding they’re going to get rid of the Electoral College and change how Senate seats are appropriated reminds me of a Calvin and Hobbes comic where Calvin announced to his parents he was going to grow a beard.
For like two years I’ve been saying, “I’d like to get those AirPods, but at this point it’s probably best for the next gen.”
I’d joke that a boycott of Chick-fil-A might be great because then there will be a shorter line, but they’re very efficient at handling long lines.
My 3yo picked out a pink T-shirt with the Batman logo on it to wear today. She thought it was a butterfly 🙁
One of the points of a stable government is to protect your rights from reactionary politics.
Can’t you imagine what the U.S. would be like if the president could just suddenly pass a law because he thought he had a great idea?
Every politician tweeting positively about the New Zealand gun ban should end their tweet with “If it weren’t for that meddling Constitution…”
We’re a nation of spoiled rich kids complaining about how bad we have it.
Freedom of speech should not apply to whining. Whining is assault speech—it assaults my ears. It should be banned.
me as a conservative grifter
“I really care about the movement… OF CASH INTO MY BANK ACCOUNT!”
…
“Oops. I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.”
I assume everyone knows when I’m referencing classic Simpsons episodes and won’t accuse me of joke theft. That would be like being accused of stealing from Shakespeare.
That was from that The Critic crossover episode. I remember Matt Groening took his name off that episode in protest, but it was a classic. That’s the episode “Boo-urns” comes from.
You can’t ban semiautos in the US. To even suggest it means you have no idea what you’re talking about.
The last president who tried packing the courts was the one who interned the Japanese.
“How can someone be anti-vaccine with the thoroughly documented huge huge benefits of vaccines?”
goes on to argue against capitalism
I’m for keeping the Electoral College, but if the Dems got rid of it and the next election the Republican walloped them in the popular vote, that would be pretty hilarious.
“Where did all these Republicans in California come from?!”
I was 23 when I started blogging, and I wrote only silly stuff about politics because I thought I was too young to be lecturing people. Now I’m months away from forty and am married and have four kids and am all like, “Quiet, everyone; I have wisdom to impart!”
March Madness makes me wish I were at all into NCAA basketball. It sounds fun.
Instead of coming up with BS reasons to boycott Chick-fil-A like “it donates to the Salvation Army,” wouldn’t it be more honest to skip to the chase and just boycott them for being run by Christians?
Trump walks out of the White House into federal marshals
“What’s going on?”
they slap cuffs on him
“Mueller report is out. It’s over. You’re going to prison for Russia related reasons.”
Trump wrestles free to shout behind him
“Run!”
Putin scrambles over a WH fence
Pence staring longingly at the chair behind the Oval Office desk
“So… what do you think is in that report?”
The no indictments is great news. Now we can all sleep soundly knowing Trump is an honest man who has done nothing wrong.
What do we want to obsess on next?
Politics is hilarious fun right now if you can just manage to honestly not care one way or another.
With the amount we spent on the Mueller report, we could have given free healthcare to every poor family in America.
No time to fact-check; just retweet.
“There are no indictments and no sealed indictments.”
Mueller calls Trump into his office
“You’re under double secret indictment.”
The first sentence of the Mueller report has been leaked: “We’ve ended our witch hunt with this conclusion: Witches aren’t real.”
Trump has been president for two years now and the country hasn’t burnt down or anything. Maybe we need to worry a bit less about who is president.
Man, Spider-Man into the Spiderverse is so good. Really solid hero’s journey plus an animation style like nothing else.
I still don’t get why Miles Morales doesn’t share his father’s last name. It’s like the writers wanted to emphasize he’s part Latino but didn’t know or care that didn’t make sense.
Had a random memory about my first experience with fire ants. As a kid, I got an ant farm. It wasn’t until I received the ants in the mail that I was informed they were red stinging ants. Never forgot the instructions they came with. “If any escape, destroy by stamping.”
Instructions were also to put the ants in the fridge for a while before transferring them to the farm so they’d be docile and wouldn’t swarm and attack you.
I forget how, but an ant did escape. I carefully retrieved it with plastic tweezers and put it back in the farm. When a creature is placed under my care, I don’t destroy by stamping.
Woo hoo! I’m no longer the “I don’t understand why you exist” parent. I’m now the fun parent.
So William Barr has released the conclusions of the Mueller report and they are:
* No collusion
* No obstruction
* Everyone who thought Trump did something illegal with the Russians is dumb and smells bad
Not a big Trump fan, but that’s quite an exoneration.
Trump is now a scandal-free president. He hasn’t even worn a tan suit.
Now would be the perfect time for Trump to start colluding with Russia.
What I love is how all us kids going to see Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey totally got the Ingmar Bergman reference central to the movie.
Michael Avenatti was the Democrats’ only serious hope in 2020. Now it’s all down to Andrew Yang.
There are not many trains left in this country which is too bad as driving a train seems like a pretty sweet gig.
“This makes the train go forward and this stops it and… that’s it. That’s all there is.”
The trailer plus the reported run time for Avengers Endgame isn’t making me excited for it. It looks like it will be two and a half hours of the remaining Avengers brooding and being sad and maybe a half hour of punching Thanos.
Mueller approaches Trump
“In my report I prove your collusion! I’ll make sure you get the maximum sentence: 3 weeks!”
Trump slips Mueller a 20
Mueller rips up the report
“I mean, no evidence of collusion!”
stares greedily at 20
“I’m getting 20 things at the dollar store!”
sees guy in a bat costume punching a mugger
“That’s the world’s greatest detective.”
I never believed the whole Jussie Smollett thing. The name sounds obviously made up.
The Senate just voted that they’re okay with the world ending in 12 years… which is the most realistic plan to take care of the national debt.
“Here’s my moron bill made by idiots.”
“We’ll vote on the bill to make you look like idiots and morons.”
“We will not vote for the bill then.”
“Zounds. Foiled.”
Over three hours? Sounds like Avengers Endgame could use Thanos as an editor.
