Harvey posted this 12 years ago today. — The Editors

Commie peacenik wackos – the Oxford Research Group by name, “a British think-tank” according to Al Reuters – released a report saying that fighting terrorists only makes them stronger. Sorta like Jedis, except without laser swords or posh British accents.

They recommend the withdrawl of all foreign troops and the utilization of extensive diplomacy.

Guess they’re not Jedis, since there’s no mention of creating a clone army.

They describe invading Iraq as a “disastrous mistake” because it created a “most valued jihadist combat training zone”. I guess I can’t argue with that. I mean, Al Qaeda gets to save a fortune on bullets while still providing extensive live-fire training exercises. Sure the attrition rate is a bit… elevated… over traditional teaching methods, but the bullet-money saved can be used to print extra recruiting posters with slogans like “Outtrained, Outnumbered, Outgunned – OUTSTANDING!” and “The Few, The Proud, The Cannonfodder”.

Now, the ORGies say that if we were to remove the valuable resource of a place for terrorists to be blasted into their component molecules by American munitions, the war would be over in 10 years. However, they warn, if we keep killing the crap out of the terrorists until they run out of stupid/gullible/brainwashed volunteers, the war could take decades.

Although I think they have their timelines reversed, I notice the conclusion is the same. No matter how long it takes, the terrorists will eventually lose. No surprise there. Hell, we spent 45 years toying with the Commies until we got bored & had Ronald Reagan destroy them by spending trillions of dollars pretending to build space lasers.

I think the same strategy would work again. Tell the jihadists we’re building a interdimensional photon destructo-ray or something that’s capable of killing Allah. Then pretend to fire it off (the Wachowski Bros. can fake some special effects) while simultaneously detonating a nuke over Mecca. “Hey, guys, looks like your ‘god’ didn’t have the power to save you. We must’ve killed him with our multi-phasic transgromifier.”

Lacking a supreme deity, they’ll be forced to convert to a less pinheadedly suicidal religion, like Christianity or Thompsonism.

And yes, I know Thompsonists are also prone to sudden fits of murderous violence, but it’s usually aimed at things that need killing anyway, like foreigners, or that miserable global-warming bastard, the sun.

So, even though ORG doesn’t know dippity-squee about military strategy, they appear to have exercised their stopped-clock privilege by unintentionally getting this one right:

America’s victory over the terrorists is inevitable. The only question is how long we get to enjoy killing them before they give up.