Utah Leads States in Gun Sale Growth Over Past Decade, Study Shows
KSL.com | 10/17/2019

SALT LAKE CITY — As lawmakers heard statistics Wednesday on the state of gun crime in Utah, a new study shows Utah’s rate of gun ownership has increased more than any other state over the past decade.

. . . Utah’s rate of gun sales per 1,000 adults grew 80.4% between 2009 and 2018.

Only the District of Columbia, which recorded a jump of over 600%, had a greater increase.

. . . scientifically proving, by global warming’s standards, that Mitt Romney’s presence anywhere leads to an increase in gun purchases. What the heck is his carbine footprint?

Utah also posted a low age-adjusted rate of gun-related homicides per 100,000 population — 2.2, tied for sixth-fewest . . .

Hmm. You’d think they would have buried that lack of correlation a little bit better.

I’m also curious what an “age-adjusted rate of gun-related homicides” even means. Either you homicide someone or you don’t, even if you’re a newborn with an Uzi. (Catch phrase for preemie Terminator: “I C U!”)

“Without a doubt, the American relationship to guns is long and complex,” the report said in its conclusion, “seemingly growing more complex by the day.”

Sniper rifles are long and complex. Americans’ relationship to them is not.

The relationship does not get a Facebook category of “it’s complicated.” Geez, guns haven’t even changed their preferred pronouns since the country began.

(If the Second Amendment’s twenty-seven words are “growing more complex by the day,” just imagine how complex they’ll be by the time Mandatory Gun Buy-Back Day rolls around!)

NOT from the Babylon Bee:

Hillary Clinton Floats Conspiracy That Tulsi Gabbard Is Being ‘Groomed’ by Russians
Fox News | 10/18/2019

Hillary Clinton in a new interview appeared to float a conspiracy theory that the Russians are “grooming” Hawaii congresswoman and Democratic presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard to be a third-party candidate in 2020, while claiming 2016 Green Party nominee Jill Stein is “also” a Russian asset.

I can’t stess this enough: this is not from the the Babylon Bee:

“I’m not making any predictions but I think they’ve got their eye on somebody who is currently in the Democratic primary and are grooming her to be the third-party candidate,” Clinton said, in apparent reference to Gabbard. “She’s the favorite of the Russians. They have a bunch of sites and bots and other ways of supporting her so far.”

Not from the Babylon Bee:

She then accused Stein, who ran against her and Donald Trump in 2016, of also being an asset of Russia: “That’s assuming Jill Stein will give it up, which she might not because she’s also a Russian asset.”

First of all, Tulsi’s pretty well-groomed already. Stein — well, Russkies must’ve done a poor job, after all these years.

Second of all, Clinton has not yet accused Fox News of being a Russian asset for reporting this, or you for reading it. But stay tuned.

Usually, when a President comes to office, there’s no — you have no vacancies. Or the previous President would have — boom. There should be no vacancy, you know, whatever their ideology is.

But I guess they thought that the crooked one was going to win or something. (Laughter.) So I came in and, in the first couple of days, they said, “By the way…” You know, I had a couple of other things going, too — including the fact that a few minutes after I was sworn in, the Washington Post wrote a story that the impeachment starts right now. You saw that, right? Did you see that?

Right after I got sworn — took the oath of office, they did that story — literally, a very few moments after the swearing-in — that the road to impeachment starts right now.

But I had a lot of other things. But I said during the course of the first very early period, like a week — I said, “By the way, how many federal judgeships do I have?” They said, “Sir, you have 142.” I said, “What?” (Laughter.) “You have 142, sir.” I said, “You’ve got to be kidding. 142? You mean I have two, one, none?” “No, you have 142.”

And President Obama was not very good at getting it done, because, you know, people held him up and everything else. But, with time, you get them all done. You get them done. But he put a big rush on at the end when he saw we were doing well in the polls, and coming up and up, and it wasn’t enough time. So we inherited 142 open federal judgeships, including the court of appeals. (Applause.) First time in history. First time in history anything like that has ever happened.

And then they say, “Oh, he was a great President. Oh, great. He was great.” Great for who? He was great for us. (Laughter.) And in that way, he was. There’s never been a better President for the Republicans in what they consider the most important way . . . Gave us 142 judgeships on the first day in office. (Laughter.)

— Remarks by President Trump at Values Voter Summit
Omni Shoreham Hotel, Washington, D.C.
October 12, 2019