Archive of entries posted on 4th October 2019

IMAO Time Machine: A Ducky Editorial: It’s Called Crackerbarrel For a Reason!

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Right Wing Duck wrote this in 2006. — The Editors

I don’t often eat at Crackerbarrel, mostly because I don’t know what it is. However, if the name is any indication, i assume it’s some sort of gathering place for white people.

Personally, I was surprised to hear that Chris Rock’s mother is suing the people at Crackerbarrel for discrimination. What WERE YOU EXPECTNG!!??! It’s called CRACKER barrel. If you ain’t a cracker you have no business being there.

The other day, my friends and I were having dinner at the Bean Factory. That’s a Mexicans-only place where my friends and I like to hang out and look out the window and count the honkies. Here in Los Angeles we have a few of them, but not many. Anyway, when the burritos and tequila ( a Mexican drink) arrived, we started talking about this. The consensus was – Mrs. Rock – Quit hanging out at the WhiteyBarrel or Crackerjar or whatever it’s called.

Sometimes we feel sorry for whitey. It’s getting to the point where they have no place to go – so they resort to golf clubs with full amenities and expensive gated communities. But what about those whiteys who aren’t so well-to-do? Sure, they have their trailer parks but where should they eat?

That’s right. Crackerbarrel.

So I say Let’s let Whitey Have a Place to Hangout, drink a beer, and boss around the Mexican help.

Let’s hear your opinions in the Comments Section.

“I Dig Polygamy, by Charles Haughtry and the Dem Aides” (Song Parody)

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[To the tune of the Beatles’ “I Dig a Pony”]

♩♪
♪♪

I . . I . . . I
Smell a phony.
Well, Libs can celebrate anything they want
Yes, Libs can celebrate anything they want
Oh . . .

They
Do a road show
Where they can denigrate any sense you show
Yes, they can denigrate any sense you show
On the Late Show

“Screw Amendment Two!
Everything has got to be just like we want it to!”
Because

I’m sick of Blue Dogs
Well, they would legislate every move you make
Yes, they would legislate every breath you take
Oh now:

They don’t say they’re sorry
Well, they can implicate everyone, you know
Yes, they can implicate everyone you know
I told you so

“All your wants, times two!
Everything has got to be just like you want it to!”
Because . . .

Oh, now:
My, my my:
Which way does the wind blow?
Well, you can predicate everything on that, you see
Yes, you can predicate everything on that, you see
Oh now:

They . . . wrote a story
Where they can syndicate any bull they wrote
Yeah, they can syndicate all the bull they wrote
To help you vote

“All ruled by The View!
Everything, and say you like it too!”
Because . . .

♩♪
♪♪

Energize, Mr. Scott

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The Star Trek transporter was invented because they didn’t have enough special effects money to land the Enterprise on a planet, and nobody though of the shuttlecraft yet. They didn’t think of the shuttlecraft until the 14th episode produced (16th aired). They used the transporter in the two pilots, and the first-produced episode. In fact, I think the transporter was used in every episode except “Balance of Terror” up until “The Galileo Seven,” which used the transporter, too.

Anyway, about that transporter…

[The YouTube]

I kinda feel like Doctor McCoy about using the transporter: “Crazy way to travel! Spreading a man’s molecules all over the universe!”

From the Doxxtionary

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Moon Nuker (n.)

  1. A citizen of Rock Ridge.
    (other:)

  2. One who seeks the Holy Grail.

  3. A member of the FrankJV Team.

  4. A Santa Claustraphobic.

  5. A bull****imic.

  6. One who knows if six shots were fired, or only five.

  7. One who laughs when liberals utter the word “We-ness.”
    (And then goes after the word “utter.”)

  8. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Any other definitions?

Always On My Dime (Song Parody)

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[To the tune of “You Were Always On My Mind”]

“Always on My Mind” is a [hauntingly beautiful] song by Johnny Christopher, Mark James, and Wayne Carson first recorded by B.J. Thomas in 1970, and first released by Gwen McCrae (as “You Were Always on My Mind”) in 1972. Brenda Lee also released a version in 1972. The song has been a crossover hit, charting in both the country and western and pop categories.

AllMusic lists over 300 recorded releases of the song in versions by dozens of performers. While Brenda Lee’s version had stalled at number 45 on the country charts in 1972, other performers reached the top 20 in the United States and elsewhere with their own versions: Elvis Presley in 1972; John Wesley Ryles in 1979; Willie Nelson’s Grammy Award-winning version in 1982; and Pet Shop Boys in 1987.

— Wikipedia

♩♩♪

Maybe we shouldn’t have showed you
All the things that you could have;
And maybe Libs shouldn’t have told you
There are things that you “should” have
If they made you feel like an oppressed class
I’m sorry you were in a bind

But you were always on my dime
You were always on my dime

And maybe Libs voter-enrolled you
All those many, many times
I guess they never told you
That illegal equals crime
Little things like that, when all is said and done
Though you never did the time

But you were always on my dime
You were always on my dime

Tell me
That America hasn’t died
And silly citizenship
Citizenship requirements
Have been satisfied
I’ll be satisfied

Legal things you should have said and done
Oh, they put you on the cover of Time

But you were always on my dime
You were always on my dime
You were always on my dime
You were always on my dime

♩♩♪

Hellbender on Audible!

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It’s here! For all the people who were complaining about having to read Hellbender all by yourself like some filthy commoner, I’ve now had a professional read it for you. That’s right: Hellbender is on Audible.

The narrator is an audiobook professional, Austin Rising (yeah, that’s his real name and not some nearby revolutionary I have to worry about). And I think he did such a great job, that Hellbender is ever funnier than before. It’s so funny, I’ll make you this guarantee: If you claim to find a funnier audiobook than Hellbender, I’ll punch you in the face.

Right in the face!

So, go get Hellbender on Audible right now. And if you’ve never tried Audible before, they’ll probably give you Hellbender for free. What a bunch of suckers! You’d have to be stupid to not take advantage of that. So stupid I hate you.

Just buy it, please! It cost a lot to produce, and SarahK said if I don’t earn it back she’ll leave me and take all the kids except the bad ones!