It’s here! For all the people who were complaining about having to read Hellbender all by yourself like some filthy commoner, I’ve now had a professional read it for you. That’s right: Hellbender is on Audible.

The narrator is an audiobook professional, Austin Rising (yeah, that’s his real name and not some nearby revolutionary I have to worry about). And I think he did such a great job, that Hellbender is ever funnier than before. It’s so funny, I’ll make you this guarantee: If you claim to find a funnier audiobook than Hellbender, I’ll punch you in the face.

Right in the face!

So, go get Hellbender on Audible right now. And if you’ve never tried Audible before, they’ll probably give you Hellbender for free. What a bunch of suckers! You’d have to be stupid to not take advantage of that. So stupid I hate you.

Just buy it, please! It cost a lot to produce, and SarahK said if I don’t earn it back she’ll leave me and take all the kids except the bad ones!