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Archive of entries posted on 11th December 2019
IMAO Time Machine – An Inspirational Kids Book
RightWingDuck posted this back in 2005. — The Editors
I’ve accomplished a lot of things in my life. I’ve gotten married, I’ve had kids — well, not me, I mean my wife, and I’ve even managed to hold down a job. But sometimes these accomplishments seem so hollow. Why? Because I haven’t been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Sure, I’ve never been a murderous thug, but that’s only an unofficial requirement.
Having watched the news, it seems that there’s a death row inmate here in California who not only was nominated — but he also wrote a kids book.
This is inspirational. I’ve always wanted to write a kids book to help inspire all those young eager minds — and to make lots and lots of money.
However, it seems that most publishers want to see some sort of “draft” before they’ll fork over any dough! Don’t they know who I am? Every day I hold Frank J’s Coat!!
So it is with sincere pleasure that I now share my latest entry into the exciting world of Children’s books.
Give Me Your Money, By RWD. Retail Price $6.95
Once upon a time, there was a sweet, and gentle gangbanger. His friends called him Killer K. One day Killer K said, “I’m Hungry.” His friends laughed at him. So he shot them.
Some other friends looked on this and said, “Killer, if you had a job, then you would have money. Then you could have all the food you want.”
Killer K thought about this. People were always telling him to learn a skill, take his life seriously, and become a productive member of society. “Get a job?” he said. “That’s racist.”
So Killer K did the next best thing. He robbed a bank.
The bank robbery went perfect. Except for killing a few people, and getting caught. But the bank had free breath mints, so Killer wasn’t so hungry. The next day, the true story was all over the newspapers. He was sent to jail despite pleadings from overweight ministers saying that Killer K was the true victim.
Killer K said, “Now that I’m in prison, I’ll have all the things I need.”
His lawyers said that he should put himself into one of the many wonderful prison rehab programs. These programs trained prisoners in important job skills.
Sadly, all of the positions that were available were too far beneath a convicted felon.
So Killer K thought, “This is a horrible way to live. This makes me want to kill even MORE people.” Then he changed his mind and said, “I should write a book. A book that will inspire children everywhere.” He sat down with his lawyers and thought about different titles.
The book was a huge success. It sold over three HUNDRED copies. In some cities, there were some people who had actually read it!! With this important accomplishment under his belt — Killer K was ready to ask the world for forgiveness. Sadly, the world was not ready to forgive. Probably because they were racist. So he got some friends together to help him ask for help.
Now the whole word knew what was happening! This made Killer K very happy. What will happen to Killer K? I’m sorry, you’ll have to buy the next book.
$6.95 at your local retailer.
**
What do you think? Sure, it’s a bit rough around the edges, and I haven’t quite worked out the ending although I’ll probably have one tonight by midnight.
Dibs!
Actually, I mainly posted this to get the name of the island into the record:
A Brand New Island in the Pacific has Survived 5 Years
universetoday.com / November 21, 2019 / Evan GoughA “surtseyan eruption” is a volcanic eruption in shallow water. It’s named after the island Surtsey, off the coast of Iceland. In 2015, a surtseyan eruption in the Tongan Archipelago created the island Hunga Tonga-Hunga Ha‘apai. Despite the odds, that island is still there almost five years later.
Fortunately, scientists have a wealth of resources at their disposal to study this whole phenomenon. These types of eruptions are difficult to study, since they occur underwater, and often in remote locations. They also tend to get eroded away quickly. But Earth-observing satellites are changing that, and Hunga Tonga-Hunga Ha‘apai is the first of its kind to be studied intensively, especially during its formation.
Groucho: “You left out a Hunga. And you left out the main one, too!”
…
Scientist X visited the island in October 2019,
Let me guess . . . from a region of the earth that was growing a wee bit colder?
and wrote in a blog post: “We made many useful observations, collected some good data, and gained a more practical human-scale understanding of the topography of the place (such as that the adjacent pre-existing islands, and their rocky shorelines, are almost fortress-like in their inaccessibility). We also saw things not accessible from space, such as the hundreds of nesting sooty terns . . .
Well, duh. Volcano.
(Just kidding)
A Martian Connection?
X and Y
. . . in their beach chairs, with toes in the sand and drinks with umbrellas in their hands, smoking something righteous and having cosmic thoughts . . .
think that their study of this volcano is not only useful for understanding our own planet. They think it might shed light on processes on Mars.
“Using the Earth to understand Mars is of course something we do,” X said,
. . . inhaling . . .
noting the similarities in erosion on the island and scars left by ancient eruptions through shallow seas on Mars. “Mars may not have a place exactly like this, but still, it bespeaks the planet’s history of persistent water.”
Y looked over, slightly confused, but let it pass.
Mars is not without volcanoes. In fact, it’s home to the largest volcano in the Solar System, now dormant. Olympus Mons rises almost 22 km (13.6 mi or 72,000 ft) above the surface of Mars. It’s the grand-daddy of volcanoes.
