Archive of entries posted on 23rd December 2019

IMAO Time Machine: In My World: Wussy, Whiny Liberal Powell Asks for Mercy for America’s Enemies

Posted by on

Frank J. posted this in 2003. — The Editors

Secretary of State Colin Powell has declared a few days ago that Iraq was in a “Material Breach,” seemingly indicating America’s willingness to go to war. When asked further about the issue, he said, “Obviously, there is a practical limit to just how long you can go down the road of non-cooperation,” and then added, “Though I don’t match the bellicose nature of some of my colleagues,” probably referring to Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. “The suggestion that we capture our Iraqi enemies and then force them to watch their wives and children be burned alive in their own homes before we then torture the Iraqis to death is just too extreme. I don’t see any reason why the wives and children of our enemies can’t just be smothered to death and then a video tape then shown to the Iraqi before torturing commences.”

Rumsfeld was outraged by the suggestion. He first paused to vomit in disgust at the mention of Colin Powell’s name and then shouted at the reporters, “That weak-kneed, whiny liberal! Why don’t we just take America’s enemies and buy them a room at the Hilton? He should be branded a traitor for suggesting such mercy. I don’t know why Bush hired that pinko. I swear I’ll kick Bush’s ass next time I see him, and don’t think his Secret Service will stop me. They do rigorous psychological tests before hiring those people, so you can be sure that they’re all sane and thus scared of me.”

A reporter then asked Rumsfeld’s opinion on Trent Lott’s statements and the change in Republican leadership. Rumsfeld produced a Luger from under his coat and shot the reporter. He then also shot the reporter behind him.

“Let this be a lesson to you!” Rumsfeld announced, “If you ask me a question that doesn’t involve war with Iraq, I will kill you and the reporter next to you.”

President Bush seemed unconcerned with the feud between his two cabinet members. “The reason I hired them was for a diversity of opinions. On one hand, I have the laughable opinion of an annoying, useless liberal, and, on the other hand, I have that balanced by the opinion of a psychotic war monger who wants nothing more than to hurt me.”

In response to Rumsfeld’s threats, Bush said, “I’m not too worried, though, personally, I would feel better if Cheney weren’t hogging the undisclosed location all the time.”

Travel Advisory

Posted by on

Kangaroo With ‘Bad Attitude’ Beats Up Elderly Woman, Terrorizes Town
NY Post / Rob Bailey-Millado / December 13, 2019

Location: the rural village of Leyburn in Queensland, Australia.

Margherita Caruana, of Queensland’s Southern Downs Region, said the rogue ‘roo has trashed a garden she’s spent three decades tending, the Courier Mail reported. The seamstress said the beast feasted on her roses, a lemon tree, gardenias, lavender, acanthus mollis and cacti.

They’re just parodying The Babylon Bee, and how it gets all these details down so serious-like.

Toy Story:

Another Queensland resident, Shane Toy, reported a kangaroo sighting outside his pub about two months ago — when the kangaroo attacked his wife, the Daily Mail reported. Toy said a patron “armed with a bar stool” came to his spouse’s defense — and then the pair locked themselves in the pub until the animal disappeared.

(That’s their story, and they’re sticking to it. By the way, the loss of hundreds of dollars worth of liquor remains unexplained.)

Until common-sense barstool regulations are enacted . . .

A New Zealand man in town for a wedding was reportedly the first victim. Toy said the ill-tempered kangaroo had its front paws on the man’s shoulders and was preparing to kick him before a friend came to his rescue, scaring the animal away.

Quick question: how did the kangaroo come to have its front paws on the man’s shoulders?

I Like the Way He Thought — If He Did

Posted by on

Someone online tossed out this quote, but, sadly, without citation to back it up. I’d like to think Beethoven said it.

Beethoven [reportedly] said many times to his piano students:

“To play a wrong note is insignificant; to play without passion is inexcusable.”

I find that there is a discussion about its authenticity on Wikiquotes:

it goes around online, but i cannot find any source for this. maybe someone who speaks german can find the original?

–Attila.lendvai (talk) 11:11, 17 April 2014 (UTC)

——————-

Falsche Noten zu spielen, ist unbedeutend. Ohne Leidenschaft zu spielen, ist unentschuldbar.

——————–

My guess is that it’s made up. The earliest match I can find is from a 1997 magazine for school bands in the US: “Wrong notes are of little consequence, but to play without passion is inexcusable”. Grover cleveland (talk) 15:44, 13 November 2015 (UTC)

——————–

Not a direct quote, but Beethoven did say something along those lines … according to this reddit discussion. Ferdinand Ries wrote about his experiences taking lessons from Beethoven. Look for (ctrl+F) ‘fehlerhaftem Klavierspiel’ (faulty piano performance) on this page and you’ll see the exact excerpt in both English and German. –IIBewegung (talk) 05:22, 9 December 2015 (UTC)

———————

It was in a piano tutoring scene from the 1994 Movie “Immortal Beloved”.

It’s an odd phenomenon:

People, inadvertently or not, attribute very good sayings (which would have stood well enough on their own) to great people, giving them a little extra luster, but cheapening them in the long run when the attribution turns out to be false.

It may be related to the fact that anyone can publish anything online, anonymously, as opposed to the pre-internet days, when publishing a false fact, claim, or statement would ruin the author’s reputation forever.

Netflix Cancels Show Over Former Cast Member White Supremacist Ties

Posted by on

MOON 13 (IMAO News Service) — Gizomonic Institute apologized this week after pictures of former employee Joel Robinson surfaced showing the company’s first astronaut flashing a white power sign. “We deeply regret that our first astronaut and former face of Gizmonic Institute would have committed such an atrocity. It’s not who we are,” said Kinga Forrester, who oversees the company’s lunar facility.

Former astronaut Joel Robinson was videotaped flashing a white supremacist sign.

Tapes of the infamous actions have actually circulated for years, but haven’t been widely known to the general public. The incident occurred in 1991, at the conclusion of a transmission from Robinson’s ship, The Satellite of Love. Robinson had performed a song for the scientists on Earth who were monitoring his mission, when he flashed the sign.

The apology appears to be too late, as Netflix has canceled Gizmonic Institute’s flagship television show “Mystery Science Theater 3000”. Falsa Nominis, who oversaw the program, told reporters “There is no tolerance for such behavior at Netflix. We seek to be inclusive of all, and will not tolerate intolerance.”

Robinson left Gizmonic Institute suddenly in October 1993 under mysterious circumstances. It is now speculated that his departure was related to white supremacist activity, although the company has denied this. Former shipmate Crow T. Robot indicated that Robinson had a superior attitude when they served together. “He would claim that he ‘made us’ and treated as though we weren’t even people,” Crow said.

Robinson’s position in space was filled by Mike Nelson, who remained as the company’s sole astronaut, although the ground crew at mission headquarters in the company’s Deep 13 location was replaced in 1997. Nelson, accompanied by mission robots, returned to Earth in 1999. A new crew was launched in 2017, but the future of that mission is now in doubt following the decision by Netflix to end the program.

IMAO attempted to obtain further information from lunar base Moon 13, speaking with a Research and Development team lead who identified himself only as Ardy, refusing to provide a last name. Ardy said the actions of Robinson were misunderstood. “I’ve known Joel for as long as I can remember. Joel Robinson is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.”

When asked about the photos of Robinson flashing the white supremacist sign, Ardy said “It’s unfortunate that the gesture has been misinterpreted. ‘Unfortunate’ isn’t a strong enough work. It stinks!”