Making Journalism Great Again
AmericanThinker.com | December 28, 2019 | J.B. ShurkA new year is upon us, and I am keenly aware of the Fourth Estate’s four New Year’s Resolutions for 2020: (1) get Trump; (2) get Trump’s friends and family; (3) ridicule anyone who has voted or would consider voting for Trump; and (4) protect the Democratic Party from scandal.
Straight Line of the Day: What are some other New Year’s resolutions of the press?
5) Check on server certificate.
…learn to cod.
(That wasn’t a typo)
Sounds fishy to me…
They’d work for scale.
Keep trying to convince the great unwashed of how impressive they are.
Stop stepping in poop.
Impossible in Frisco.
“Stop stepping on our wedding tackle”
Learn the difference between there, their, and they’re.
Get Trump! This year they really, really mean it!
Invent new ways to be total a$$hats.
Write “Press” on back of DNC card. Place in fedora.
Peach 45. I think Basil offered to bring some back to all of us.
Look for job opportunities with better prospects for the future…bank teller or cashier maybe.
2019 was only 99.1% anti-Trump…work on getting that number up!
Drive the socialist agenda harder to regain their readers/viewers trust as an unbiased propaganda source.
Apologize for:
“The Steele Dossier was NOT the basis for the investigation. How Dare You?”
“We have ironclad documentary proof of Russian colllusion”
“The Ukraine call was a clear quid pro quo”
“Trump Tower was never bugged”
“Epstein killed himself”
You can’t spell “apologize” without “AP.”
What are some other New Year’s resolutions of the press?
We must perfect 2020 tunnel vision!
Try to garner invites to the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. (hope someone famous shows up)
I might be able to make it if they pay for the food, travel, hotel, and pet boarding.
Pet boarding? By Pirates?
Arrr, avast ye swabies time to capture that kitty!
“‘E’s goin’ to Davy Jones’ licker, meow matey!”
— Long John Silver and Grey (With White Paws)
Learn to goad.
“Learn to Goad”
It appears that THIS they have figured out.
To Mr. Trump’s long term benefit.
What are some other New Year’s resolutions of the press?
Make Trump the first candidate to win all 57 states and DC… then get him impeached, again.
What are some other New Year’s resolutions of the press?
well I’m not saying it’s getting at least one Alien to denounce Trump but… it’s to get at least one Alien to denounce Trump.
What are some other New Year’s resolutions of the press?
to get a quick turnover score to get back into the game.
What are some other New Year’s resolutions of the press?
Get an early start on stockpiling tissues for Nov. 4, 2020.
What are some other New Year’s resolutions of the press?
Try better to recapture the lucrative bird cage liner market.
What are some other New Year’s resolutions of the press?
Drink early, drink often.
What are some other New Year’s resolutions of the press?
1) Increase drug intake, if that’s even possible.
2) Sue both Scouts organizations for not sanctioning Mindless Complaining merit badges.
3) Stay far away from the road to Damascus.
4) Enroll in Mayor Pete’s Bible classes, no sense actually learning from anyone familiar with the topic.
5) Give Warren more credibility by reporting that she is actually 1.5/1024 Injun. That should do it.
6) Ensure a Trump landslide by harping on the fake impeachment and promoting a Clinton/Abrams ticket.
7) Make Pelosi and AOC and Biden look credible by . . . um . . . well . . . okay scratch that one.
Refuse to report on the Schiffless congress.
Promote a cure for Schiffilis.
Isn’t that a plant?
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… have someone look into why they’re called “The Press”. The best theory they have is, “Because we impress everybody when we express ourselves.”
Expand our writing options by becoming independent contractors to ensure maximum income (offer void in California)…
Avoid talking to witnesses, at all costs…
Consensus is your friend…
Never forget to employ the bulls**t barrage whenever questioned…
More paywalls.