Why Do Men Like Breasts?

And why does this title tittilate?

1. They’re round.

Guys don’t have a lot of round things on them.

(Sidebar: butts are a subject for another time. Or maybe not.)

2. They may remind guys of their nourishment as infants.

I don’t for a second buy this Freudian one, because it would have the same effect on women, which it clearly doesn’t.

(Except some. Another subject for another time.)

3. They protrude.

Which is nice.

Guys know, from their own experience, that things protrude when someone is sexually aroused. Protrusion = sexual arousal.

4. And they’re round.

I know this repeats Point One, but guys are not known for looking at these things just one time.

Guys’ protrusions are direct — directed — unidirectional. Guys may actually be jealous of something they see as bulbous and round.

Guys may be jerks, but they’re extremely committed jerks.

(Your mileage may vary.)

Look at next week’s Babesleaga and tell me what you think.

11 Comments

  1. Every so often I run across the theory that prominent breasts evolved because humans kept the primate quality of using hindquarters to signal sexual readiness — but when we started walking upright, we needed something closer to eye-level.

    Seems perfectly plausible. However, most allusions treat it as established fact; how on Earth do you go about proving something like that? The best I can come up with is noticing that boobs appear in the fossil record around the time we started walking upright, but that’s not even remotely enough to establish a causal relationship.

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