Archive of entries posted on 26th November 2020

Here’s Hoping You Enjoyed Thanksgiving Like a Democrat, Not Like a Peon

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Denver mayor couldn’t even wait a whole hour to fly to Mississippi for Thanksgiving after warning people to ‘avoid travel, if you can’
Twitchy | 11-25-20 | Sarah D.

Denver Mayor Michael Hancock recently urged those in his fair city to avoid traveling to enjoy Thanksgiving with their loved ones. Because he truly cares about Denverites’ wellbeing.

Or maybe because he just wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t have to sit near anybody on the plane ride to Mississippi, where he’s going to spend his Thanksgiving with his wife and daughter.

Denver mayor humbly asks you to forgive decisions ‘borne of my heart’ after he flies for Thanksgiving

As Bugs Would Say: “Myeh, Happy Thanksgiving, Leatherstocking!”

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Deer steals hunter’s gun, flees into woods
UPI | Nov. 25, 2020 | Ben Hooper

Nov. 25 (UPI) — A hunter in the Czech Republic was charged by a deer that snagged the man’s gun on its antlers and fled into the woods with the weapon, police said.

Police in the South Bohemian Region …

Rhapsody lyrics: “Momma, just culled a man…”

…said a hunter contacted authorities to recount the story of how he lost his gun while hunting near the village of Horni Plana.

Hey! I’ve been in that Plana!

The man said one of the hunting dogs in his group startled a stag in a wooded area, causing the panicked deer to run directly toward him.

The deer’s antlers ripped the man’s sleeve and ended up snagged on his .22 Hornet rifle, which had been slung over his left hand at the time.

The animal ran off into the woods with the hunter’s unloaded gun still attached to its antlers, the man told police.

Police said another hunter reported spotting a deer with a rifle dangling from its antlers more than half a mile from the scene.

Priceless!

Investigators said the hunter was required to report the loss of the rifle under the Czech Republic’s Firearms and Ammunition Act.

Rightless.

Biden Johnson Is Right!

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Heck, this could’ve been one of Walrus’s polls, but an emu chased me out of the Polling Data Techno-Suite down to the atrium, so I’ll just post it this way. And it almost bit me in the atrium.

One of these two quotes are in the running for Biden’s putative inauguration speech. Which one would he go with on the steps of the Capitol?

The details of my life are quite inconsequential… very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds — pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum… it’s breathtaking — I highly suggest you try it.

Or:

I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I’m a-gonna die here, an’ no sidewindin’ bushwackin’, hornswagglin’ cracker-croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter!

Thanksgiving (2020)

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Thanksgiving Proclamation

Issued by President George Washington, at the request of Congress, on October 3, 1789

By the President of the United States of America, a Proclamation.

Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor; and—Whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me “to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:”

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favor, able interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquillity, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted; for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations, and beseech Him to pardon our national and other trangressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have shown kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally, to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789.

Go. Washington

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