Temperatures Across the Country Are Rising, and Heat Officers Might Be Able To Help
Jacob Fulton, USA Today | 9/8/22
For most of his career, David Hondula worked as a professor and environmental science researcher at Arizona State University studying the impact of the changing climate.
Now, he is on the front lines for Phoenix putting what he knows into practice.
Nearly a year ago, Hondula was hired by the city to become its first director of heat response and mitigation. His job: To steer the city’s efforts to address the impact of increasingly extreme heat on the sprawling desert metropolis.
One of just a handful of heat directors in cities across the country, Hondula is part of a growing movement by municipal governments confronting head-on the risks presented by rising temperatures.
Hondula came on board just months after Florida’s Miami-Dade County became the first municipality in the nation to hire a heat officer. Earlier this year, Los Angeles followed suit, becoming the third city to create such a position.
Straight Line of the Day: “Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to…”
…be HOT!
“Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to…”
“Make some other damn Heat officer overheat for his country!”
… watch the movie…
… be cool…
Straight Line of the Day: “Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to… Come up with a bunch of nifty names for heat events. ‘Cause we know we can’t redirect federal emergency relief to our area if we don’t have nifty names for heat events everyone can get behind.”
Is “equatorial vortex” too derivative?
Ha… I was thinking more like hurricane names…. Heatwave Fred, Heatwave Doris, Heatwave Angelo… etc..
Double Desiccating Dry Day
Heat Bomb
Warmed-over Climate Catastrophe
Frying-Egg Fry Day
Hell Week
…start training with your Freon-sniffing dog…
… memorize the heat index conversion chart over here…
…never talk about Heat Club!
…ban intern pics.
Basturds!
…convince Joe Biden to negotiate in person with the sun to make it cooler.
Go around the room and announce your pronouns…mine are hot/and bothered…now go ahead…you’re next..
“Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to…
Shout: ‘ Remain Calm! All is Well’.”
That one seems antithetical to the cause.
“Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to…
back away from that thermostat.”
“Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to…
pour beer.”
Plan your fall, winter, & spring vacations.
“Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to…”
“…make public statements supporting the current narrative while trying to make it sound all science-like.”
“Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to…
… map all City owned electrical outlets from which a rotary fan can operate.
“Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to…”
“…make it through your first press conference without saying the word ‘temperature’.”
“Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to…”
“…make sure the public understands the Scoville Scale.”
“Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to…”
Remember to bring the ice for the drinks.
…don’t forget to pick up some ice.
Dude, you had a half hour.
Establish a policy to break a car window to “save” a dog any time the Karen’s start to disagree with your other policies.
Bring chest hair and unbuttoned shirts back into vogue.
Contact the Classic Ferrari Owner’s club to locate some cars for the department to use.
Burn through the expense account
Draft a sixth law of thermodynamics to repeal the first 4.
Plot against your arch rival the entropy officer
Shop for asbestos pants to prevent embarrassing bursts of flames during press conferences.
MMA pay-per-view 3 rounds with Smokey the bear to decide who really can prevent forest fires.
Draft law to space out lines on thermometers “for easier reading”. Take credit for lowering global temperatures.
Chillax
Ok persons..should a climate demonstration occur..and we certainly hope they do..remember our motto..”.Help Every Antifa Triumph”…they are on our side working to lower global warming by closing or hopefully burning businesses to the ground..no businesses then no need to travel..no groceries..then no truck traffic making deliveries and soon ..no cow farts..can I get a MAKE IT HELL ..YEAH!!!
…more cowbell.
“Now, men; your first duty as a Heat Officer is to…”
bring it.
…hastily implement construction of street corner tee-shirt wetting stations around the city. Start panting like a dog.
Anyone who comes into my house and touches my thermostat better be ready to wear that thermostat in a place that’s 98 degrees.