I’m the first one to gloat and post any time a bear attacks humans, but in this case it appears it was a lesser form of life — a maniac who perhaps wanted it blamed on bears.

A 911 caller reported his friend was killed by a bear in his tent. It was actually a brutal homicide.
CBS News | October 17, 2024 | Stephen Smith

Authorities in Montana say a 911 caller discovered his friend dead in a tent in what appeared to have been a fatal bear attack — but officials soon discovered the camper was actually the victim of a brutal murder.

Dustin Kjersem, 35, was found dead in his tent on Saturday morning along Moose Creek Road north of Big Sky, Montana, Gallatin County Sheriff Dan Springer said at news conference Wednesday. A friend who was supposed to have met Kjersem went searching for him when he didn’t show up as scheduled on Friday.

The friend ultimately discovered Kjersem’s body in a tent at a makeshift campsite and called 911, telling responders the death appeared to have been caused by a bear attack, the sheriff’s office said.

An agent with the Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks agency who visited the site, however, found no signs of bear activity, and investigators said they soon found evidence of a “vicious attack,” which is being investigated as a homicide.

Kjersem, who was last seen on Thursday afternoon, sustained “multiple chop wounds,” including to his skull, an autopsy showed.

Pro Tip: if you want it to look like a bear attack, use bear claws, rather than leave “chop wounds.”

Typing on an invisible keyboard

And don’t get me started on the after-hours pub.

WTH. Frank never checks the books.

Walrus, have you found the keys to Harvey’s office yet?