Eegah!

(For you MST3K fans)

2-Billion-Year-Old Rock Found Harboring Microbes – And They’re Still Alive
IFL Science | October 09, 2024 | Maddy Chapman

Aaugh! (For you Charlie Brown fans)

The microbes were found within a sealed fracture in the ancient rock, which was excavated from the Bushveld Igneous Complex in South Africa – a rocky intrusion that formed when magma slowly cooled below the Earth’s surface. The enormous complex covers an area roughly the size of Ireland, and contains some of the richest ore deposits on Earth including around 70 percent of the world’s mined platinum. It has remained relatively unchanged since its formation, providing perfect conditions in which ancient microbial life can survive.

Such organisms, living far below the Earth’s surface, evolve incredibly slowly, and have an exceedingly slow metabolic rate, meaning they can persist in igneous rocks over geological time scales – for up to 2 billion years as the latest research has demonstrated.

Egad! (For you Sherlock Holmes fans)

Dear scientists: please watch Jurassic Park before you do anything.

Everyone else: always be sure to thoroughly wash your platinum before use.

Hooray! Now I Can Get Some of That Blackmail — I Mean, Black Male — Money!

The Most Unserious Presidential Candidate Of All Time?
Manhattan Contrarian | 16 Oct, 2024 | Francis Menton

… in recognition that she is polling poorly with black men, Harris yesterday announced by Tweet a set of new policies to pander to that demographic group. Excerpts from the Tweet:

Black men deserve a president who cares about making their lives better. . . . Kamala Harris will create an Opportunity Agenda for Black Men. . . . Provide 1 million loans that are fully forgivable up to $20k for Black entrepreneurs and others to start a business. . . . Support education training, and mentorship programs that lead to good-paying jobs for Black men, including pathways to become teachers. . . .

Could Harris and her campaign not have realized that racially-segregated government handouts like this are wildly unconstitutional? They would not survive challenge before even the most left-wing politicized federal District Court judge. Today the campaign realized its error. The headline from today’s Wall Street Journal is “Kamala Harris’s ‘Agenda for Black Men’ Will Be Open to All, Campaign Says.”

“Oppo, Are You Going To Spend All Day on That Dumb Old Stupid IMAO? Please Come Back To Our Sleeping Bag!”

Russian agent: “Oppor-down, or vhatever your name is…”

Double-Opp-Seven: “Fascinating dress. How do you get out of it?”

And that bench doesn’t look sturdy enough.

The Five Steps To Becoming an IMAO Intern: “Your Credentials Seem To Be in Order. I’ll Just Call Walrus in for the Interview.”

“I’ll be back.”

What recruitment looks like:

Straight Line of the Day: Worst Wedding Songs

I read some news article about how some bride had banned certain songs at her reception, and someone chimed in saying that they’d been to a wedding where the bride forbid “Having a Good Time” by Queen (I can’t see the problem with it; perhaps she’s just been to too many weddings where it was played).

Anyway, I thought I’d throw it out there as a Straight Line.

Either at the ceremony itself, or the reception.

“Revolution 9” or anything by Yoko Ono, of course, top the list.

Welcome to IMAO! Might Be Time for a Career Change

Cartoons and Memes

“Well Mr. Walrus it is decision time.”

“Yes I know, nothing lasts forever.”

“Shall we call it the end?”

“I think we should let the people decide.”

“Well the poll is ready and the question to be asked is, Should we end the Cartoons and Memes on Thursday night?”

“We had a good run but fewer and fewer people are voting, so perhaps we can think of something else to interest them.”

“I will miss hosting but I am sure you will find something else for me to do.”

“No worries about that for sure.”

Winner

8.

This poll is no longer accepting votes

Should we suspend the Thursday Night Cartoons and Memes?