…pretend to be impressed by the second-rate tourist traps. “OH, is that the Eiffel Tower? How droll. Honestly, I thought it would be more impressive in person, but I guess once you’ve seen one gazebo, you’ve seen them all…”
Just stay away from Europe at all costs ….
.. except, of course, Italy with all the great food and wine and beautiful villages … otherwise ..
.. Oh yea, UK and Republic of Ireland are super great with wonderful beers and ales and fine pubs …. otherwise .. Also Greece. Talk about a fabulous foody tour. Wow! and all the history and unique islands … otherwise …. Gee, don’t forgot Austria, beautiful Austria with the Alps, Vienna, Salzburg, Innsbrook, etc. and the artistic culture and the MUSIC, Oh MAN the music …. otherwise …. Well certainly Budapest and Prague are both FABULOUS with museums and friendly people …. otherwise … well please know that SPAIN has everything good done better and OH the Tapas, mmmm, …… but otherwise, STAY AWAY! Especially France. and Germany. Never go there.
Give the finger to the whole damn continent
brush up on your Arabic.
Vote conservative.
See the Krauts failed Siegfried Line.
Leave your drugs and guns at home when you pack your suitcase nuke.
Remember, in France pepper spray and mace can be used for self defense and air freshener.
Save time and exposure to foreigners; all the worthwhile views can be seen from low earth orbit.
… join the Union…
… be sure to pack your chain mail…
On Your Next Grand Tour of Europe, Be Sure To…
…pretend to be impressed by the second-rate tourist traps. “OH, is that the Eiffel Tower? How droll. Honestly, I thought it would be more impressive in person, but I guess once you’ve seen one gazebo, you’ve seen them all…”
Visit the Bank of Zurich, say your name is Hugh Crane, and withdraw any leftover billions sent by Congress.
Fart in their general direction.
…reenact your ancestors fleeing that hellhole.
… not be the ogle-y American.
Just stay away from Europe at all costs ….
.. except, of course, Italy with all the great food and wine and beautiful villages … otherwise ..
.. Oh yea, UK and Republic of Ireland are super great with wonderful beers and ales and fine pubs …. otherwise .. Also Greece. Talk about a fabulous foody tour. Wow! and all the history and unique islands … otherwise …. Gee, don’t forgot Austria, beautiful Austria with the Alps, Vienna, Salzburg, Innsbrook, etc. and the artistic culture and the MUSIC, Oh MAN the music …. otherwise …. Well certainly Budapest and Prague are both FABULOUS with museums and friendly people …. otherwise … well please know that SPAIN has everything good done better and OH the Tapas, mmmm, …… but otherwise, STAY AWAY! Especially France. and Germany. Never go there.
Keep a close eye on the contraband you’ve packed in your luggage – soap, deodorant and toothpaste.
On Your Next Grand Tour of Europe, Be Sure To…wear some flowers in your hair.