Just days after a transgender man announced that he was having a baby, thus inspiring all men with uteruses, a cat has made a similar announcement. Rovina, who was once a dog, shocked scientists by announcing she was expecting a little dog puppy.
Said Rovina: “You would think that I might be able to have kittens, since I changed everything about me on the outside, but I always wanted to have puppies.”
Rovina is happy and excited. She’ll be featured on one of next week’s episodes of Oprah.

By now, I’m sure you’ve heard about the latest ad from Absolut Vodka. If not, then visit Michelle Malkin and get the latest.
The good folks at Absolut emphasize that they respect all viewpoints and cultures. Diversity is king.
Below the fold, is my contribution to the conversation.
In the name of diversity of course.
If you like, email us your photoshop contributions and lets see the OTHER ads that Absolut Vodka could be running. If you are one of the many people with awful photoshop skills, then please describe your Absolut advertisement in comments. Or better yet, please create your own (with trackback) and we’ll link to you from IMAO.
Thank you.

Continue reading ‘CONTEST – Absolut Vodka: The Other Ads’ »

Although Governor Eliot Spitzer has not been heard from all day, (aides say he’s formulating a plan on fighting crime and corruption in NY), a new candidate has emerged as a potential replacement should he resign.
Wanting to be known only as Candidate 9, Governor Spitzer’s favorite Lady of the Evening proclaims, “I have intimate experience sleeping with the governor. I don’t see how that CAN’T qualify me for this very important office.” Governor Spitzer recently was tied to a very high end prostitution ring.
Speaking to reporters via conference call she emphasized that although she would be doing to the public exactly what she had been doing to the governo,r that she wanted to emphasize her record in making the rich pay their fair share. The conference enthralled reporters. Even though the prepared statement took two minutes to read, she spent 20 minutes talking dirty.
Should Candidate 9 not be elected to office, she is also considering her own perfume series — potentially called Love Potion.

We at IMAO strive to provide the most up to date and factual information available anywhere. If you’re a Democrat who voted today, please take a moment and fill out our exit poll.
Thank You.

Michelle Obama’s comments recently raised eyebrows when she claimed, “For the first time in my adult lifetime, I’m really proud of my country.” In a prepared statement, Michelle Obama apologized claiming that her comments, much like her husband’s speeches, were plagiarized.
“America is a tremendous source of pride, not just because Obama is doing well in the elections. Other states are very proud to be American, even states that voted for Hillary Clinton.” The speech, which reflects little pride in American accomplishments, was written for another great leader, but unfortunately that leader is stepping down after 49 years in power.
Michelle vowed that her apology was sincere and from the heart. She says that she was and still is, proud to be an American but that “it depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.”

Child pornagraphers, who suffer a bad image everywhere, especially red states, today issued a statement regarding the arrest of liberal talk show host Bernie Ward. “We want people to know that just because we dig child porn, that it in no way makes us want to host a progressive radio show.”
Many in the industry feel that being linked to this type of situation bodes badly for child pornographers. Said one spokes man with the National Association of Child Pornagraphers, “Sure, they can hide behind the First Amendment, but if people start to think that you’re something OTHER than a child pornographer, then it could hurt your career in the long run.”
Most child pornographers have no affiliation with liberal radio at all. They’re concerned that they might finally face a stereotype that can bring them all down.
Said one source who insisted on secrecy, “Sure, many of these liberal talk show hosts stay in the shadows. They lurk in dark places where nobody will hear them – like Air America. But eventually, they do something stupid and get caught.”
Bernie insists that he was looking at child porn while doing research for a book. If that excuse doesn’t work, then he’ll insist that it’s not his and that he was only holding it for a friend.

A hostage crisis is in effect at Hillary’s New Hampshire Campaign office. An insurgent with a bomb strapped to his body has taken a few people hostage. While Hillary consults with the United Nations, police officers are stationed outside closely monitoring the situation. Close by, stand representatives of the ACLU to ensure that the insurgent’s rights are in no way violated.
Our thoughts and prayers are with the hostages.
As the hostage taker demands to talk to Hillary, we hope that she respects his absolute moral authoritiy in this situation.
According to CNN, this hostage taker was denied the right to ask questions at the YouTube debate, as they producers weren’t sure if his bomb qualified him as a voter who was Undecided.
More on this as it develops.

When it comes to offering a driver license for illegals, many are opposed to the idea. These people are short term thinker and must be dealth with immediately:
Not only do I think this is a GREAT idea, I have also taken the time to design the special application.
Name
Address
City State Zip
Phone Number
Application questions:
Are you here illegally? (Note: This question is used for diversity purposes only.)
What is the best time of day to find you at home?
Let’s say you had an emergency (hospitalization, injury, the election of more Republicans) Many illegals want to be helped by people just like them – other illegal aliens. Give us the name and address of 3 people you would like us to contact in case of emergency.

These are all I could come up with. But I’m sure IMAO readers would have other suggestions for this application.
Tell me – what other questions could we ask?

Jumping ahead of the crowd, Dennis Kucinich today announced his Vice President. Said Dennis, “I’m not like the other candidates. I have an insight and awareness given to me from years of hard work, education, and alien visitation.” He was met with applause when he introduced his VP, E.T. The Extra Terrestrial.
Many in the crowd were pleasantly surprised. Said one reporter for the New York Times, “Many of us were supportive of the idea of an alien for Vice President. I guess most of us thought that the alien chosen would be illegal. But this is good too.”
Kucinich’s announcement has been well received. He’s gone up in the polls from 1% to 1.00009%.
“I think this is a wiinning combination. When I talked to E.T. he told me that if we hit the campaign trail, that he would be there to pick up all the pieces.
RightWingDuck is a frequent contributor to IMAO. Sometimes in a postiive way. His writings can be found at IMAO and at The Daily Jalapeno.

I’d like to take a moment and officially say – GO ARMY!

What’s all this about?

See, normally IMAO readers are pretty useless.

They sit around all day waiting for us to make with the funny.

Then they read the funny and go, “HUh?”

Then they sit some more and drink beer. Even at 9 in the morning. Heck they’re not going to work.

Then they scratch their fat butts.

(Frank J. interrupts.

Frank J: “Stop insulting my readers!”

Ducky: “Wait, wait. I’m going somewhere with this.”

FrankJ. “Well, hurry up. They’re not going to sit around on their fat butts all day while you get to the point.” )

Well, America is a great nation because our people are good. Sure we have our differences, but one thing that we do have in common is that we care about doing what’s right. The big disagreement of course is usually about what is right and wrong and best or worst. Or shorter or taller, Or …

(Frank J. Interrupts: You’re rambling again.”

Ducky: “Sorry.”)

But we all love our troops. And whether you want them to stay or come home I think we can all agree that the ones who have come home, and have come home HURT, need all the help they can get. That’s the least we can do for them.

So go to their site, read what they’re all about, and give. Give big.

Give Big or God Won’t Love you.

(SarahK Interrupts: “Hey, that’s not true.”

Ducky: “Yes. Yes, it is.”)

Please visit the folks at Project Valour IT.

Senator Joseph Biden, a Democratic candidate for the presidency, was nominated to the Nobel Peace prize after implying that black people were stupid. Senator Biden, when asked why Washington schools were doing so badly,

Staffers immediately offered that Biden was not saying that black people were stupid. “We feel he was talking abut how important Iowa is, not only to the elections and the economy, but to the overall health of the education system.”
The Nobel Prize Committee immediately went into conference to see if maybe they could reward these brave comments. Said one member, speaking off the record, “We’ve gone into conference about this and feel that he would make an excellent Nobel recipient. It might help his application if he made a movie about global warming like Al Gore, or if he hated Israel like Jimmy Carter, but we can look at his application on own merits. It would also help if he was black, since many times we do have a quota to fill.”
Senator Biden insists that he is not racist. “I have several black friends, and not once have any of them robbed me.”
(Hat Tip: Betsy’s Page)

Ladies and Gentlemen, there’s nothing more embarrassing than having a presidential candidate confuse a Democrat with a world class terrorist. Such a mistake was made by presidential candidate Mitt Romney. I don’t know how this happens. On the one hand, you have somebody who has pledged that all American troops will withdraw one day from Iraq in shameful, humiliating defeat: on the other hand, you have Osama Bin Laden.
Osama. Obama. The names are so much alike. But are the men alike? It’s time to make sure we truly understand the differences between these two characters once and for all. That’s why IMAO is launching a new series called
Osama Versus Obama: Never Shall They Be Confused Again.
Today’s lesson. American Patriotism.

You decide. Which one is it?
Look at all the clues and post in comments.

I found this through a site called carpetbagger. (H/T to Salon) . According to this post, Glenn Beck says that those America Haters have now had their homes burned. Now, this might seem like an extreme view to some, but I have to say that Glenn and I see eye to eye on this.
I mean, if your viewpoint on this (or on anything) is different than mine, then the only proper punishment is to have your home burned along with all of your worldly possessions. It’s probably one of the best ways to end any arguments. I find that people put up much less of a fight when they’re sleeping out of a cardboard box.
Does anyone disagree with me on this one? (Ducky pulls out his lighter and starts taking note of the commenters’ names.)
Excellent. As long as we’re having a rational discussion, let’s talk about the REAL reason those America haters, all half a million of them, have been pushed out of their homes while the fires get put down: They have angered the Oink the Pig God.
Sounds crazy, but they probably deserved it. Please look at this overhead shot, provided by ABC news.

Do you not see it? Here, let me help with some outlining.

See? Evidence.
Let us be like Glenn. Let us NOT have compassion on people who are on the verge of losing everything they own. Their America Hating has angered Oink, the god of Pork.
I hope that my ample evidence has hardened your heart enough to keep you from caring. Remember, it’s easy to think we’re all in this together.

It seems that the whole Dumbledore Was Gay post generated a lot of comments. Not a lot of humor, but a lot of comments. Folks, this is a HUMOR site. In theory at least. Or so I’m told.
Anyway, the object of the post was to have the readers generate a Top 10 list. On a personal note, let me share this with you.
You.
Guys.
Suck.
Anyway, it wasn’t ALL bad. We were able to get these gems from some of our commenters.
Top 10 Reasons We Should Have Known Dumbledore Was Gay
10. *Had an unusually wide stance when casting spells. AlanABQ
9. *Kept secretly reciting the “wingardium leviosa” spell towards male student’s crotches. AlanABQ
8. Hogwart’s policy of Don’t ask, don’t spell. Gary
7. He likes his candy sweet and his phoenixes FLAMING! Cknight
6. His patronus: John Edwards. Cknight
And then you guys ran out of gas. It’s okay. That’s why IMAO is here. We’re the professionals. Or semi professionals. Quarter professionals. (1/8 professionals at the very least.)
Anyway, here’s a COMPLETE top ten list. The entries above were good. The one’s listed below are mine. Check below the fold and tell me what you think.

Continue reading ‘Dumbledore Was Gay? The Top 10’ »

If you’ve been reading Michelle Malkin’s blog then you know that David Horowitz has caused a stir because of his Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week.

IMAO has the latest news (take THAT Michelle Malkin) and is the first to report the RENAMING of the week to better appease liberal dogma.
(New poster below the fold)

Continue reading ‘Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week Gets Less Offensive Name’ »