When it comes to offering a driver license for illegals, many are opposed to the idea. These people are short term thinker and must be dealth with immediately:
Not only do I think this is a GREAT idea, I have also taken the time to design the special application.
Name
Address
City State Zip
Phone Number
Application questions:
Are you here illegally? (Note: This question is used for diversity purposes only.)
What is the best time of day to find you at home?
Let’s say you had an emergency (hospitalization, injury, the election of more Republicans) Many illegals want to be helped by people just like them – other illegal aliens. Give us the name and address of 3 people you would like us to contact in case of emergency.
These are all I could come up with. But I’m sure IMAO readers would have other suggestions for this application.
Tell me – what other questions could we ask?
Please enter your Bank of America Account Number (For verification of illegal status only)
Do you prefer a:
a) window seat
b) center seat
c) aisle seat
d) cargo container
In the last election, for which party did you vote?
a) Democrat
b) Democrat
c) Democrat
d) Democrat
Please tell us your country of origin?
If you had to be deported, would you rather go to a different country than above? Where to (other than the US)? (This question will be used only for academic studies of satisfaction among illegal immigrants as to their country of origin, though we do reccomend that you think through the answer to this second question.)
In the last election, how many times did you vote?
a) Once per polling place
b) 2-5 times per polling place
c) 6-9 times per polling place
d) The Democrat-provided van stopped at so many polling places that I cannot recall.
__ Ambulance / Fire Truck
__ Hazardous Material Transport
__ Cement Truck
__ Taxi Cab
__ Small watercraft
__ Railroad locomotive
do you prefer beans or frijoles?
Paper or Plastic?
If you are here illegaly, please go through the door marked “ICE”, empty all your pocket contents into the box in front of the armed police officer, and step into the waiting paddy wagon.
Have a nice day!
Social Security Number(SSN):_ _ _ _ – _ _ – _ _ _
Preferred day laborer location: _______________
Name and address of employers in the last week: _______________________
(use the back of the sheet to continue)
Estate Planning Section:
In the event of your death, select the disposition of your body:
a) Back of garbage truck (landfill or incineration charges apply)
b) Return body to native country (prepaid ticket required)
c) Mass grave – just put my body with the rest (requires transportation and labor fee)
d) Throw my body in the Hudson with the rest of New York’s garbage (labor charge applies)
e) Donate body to medical science and/or organ transplants (immediate delivery – no fee required for livers, hearts, lungs, kidneys, eyes)
I’m not trying to be a wise-ass or anything, but RightWingDuck posted this as a special application for Illegals, and the first question is “Are you here illegally?” If this is a application for illegals, isin’t that already implied? The rest of the application is sopt-on!
“If you would like instructions in Spanish, please head South until you cross a big river, then press 2, (apriete por favor Dos)”
Ok, so we get licenses for illegals….what kinda bag limit per day will there be?
I am NOT proud of that…. :-p
We need to ascertain that you are being well-treated by your employer. Please assist us by answering the following:
*Are you employed?
Yes No
*If ‘Yes’: Name of employer
*Employer address/phone
*Name of person who hired you
*Are any of your friends/family members employed there?
Yes No
*If ‘Yes’, what are their names?
Do you have your own parachute, or would you like to rent one?
Will you exit the plane willingly, or will we have throw your ass out?
Do you want to purchase Jump Insurance?
As an alternative, would you be willing to be shot out of a cannon? Choosing this option automatically waives all Parachute rental and jump fees.
Since our pilots cannot visibly see country borders (and since all Latin Countries look alike) from the air, would you be willing to exit the plane over an alternate country? Choosing this option automatically waives all parachute rental and jump fees.
Would you like to become eligible for a DeWalt Power Drill Giveaway? Just show proof of purchase of at least one one-way ticket to the country of your origin, and a picture of yourself in front of some run down crappy building in your country and you will be automatically entered.
Do you feel that fluorescent orange washes out your complexion? _____ YES _____ NO
Would you prefer a neutral black standard issue jumpsuit for your incarceration until deportation? _____ YES ______ NO, Just give me the orange, it makes me feel chipper!
Diameter please
(improves range on the Mexi-Cannon)
http://www.imao.us/archives/007741.html
Since these drivers licenses are obtained without documents my particulars are as follows gringo:
Name: Jose Hitler
Address: 1400 Pennsylvannia Ave Washington DC
Tel: Pennsylvannia 6-5000
Thanks chumps.
Current Address*:
How many people do you have living in your home?
What language do you speak at home (other than “English”)?
Birthdate: / /
Birth name**:
Do you have automobile insurance?
Would you like to be an organ donor?
Do you have a license to carry a concealed weapon?
*Must bring a current utility bill with you so we can verify your address.
**Must provide birth certificate so we can verify your country of origin.
I believe that to get the license you should have to go to one of the new Illegal’s only DMV right next to the border. After waiting in line for 3 hours they get dropped through a trap door go down a slide and land in their country of origin.
….Hate…Governor…Spitzer…so…much…
Please identify all other occupants of your home. (If you need to name more than 50 persons, please use an additional sheet of paper.)
Do you want to climb into the Mexi-cannon now? If not, have you ever seen the movie “Fargo”?
If government sources are to be believed, there are some 15 or so million illegals here that law enforcement can’t seem to find.
United Parcel Service tracks some 20 million packages at any given time, and these can be located by consumers via the internet, almost in real time.
The solution is obvious: send each illegal a package, the have the cops follow the brown truck.
Hire all of them (at top dollar, of course!) to build a huge wall with one door along the border. When the wall is completed, have them all go through the door and “tell us how it looks from the other side”.
Then lock the door.
Questions?
Do you have any previous experience with pyrotechnics?
Do you own any flame retardant clothing?
http://www.imao.us/archives/005537.html
What is your neck size, please?
We will be glad to custom fit your collar from which you can hang your license.
Chavez or Ahmadinejad?
MS-13 or Hezbollah?
Tacos or falafels?
#24. You’ve paid attention to Mike Huckabee. That was a line he used in one of the debates.
http://www.mikehuckabee.com
Do you like gladiator movies?
Occupation (check one):
__ Gardener
__ Painter
__ Busboy
__ Major-league shortstop
__ Governor of New Mexico
__ congressman from Minnesota
__ elected official from California (if you’re on this planet illegally)
#13 hordog
You missed several pertinent additional questions.
2) how much for said license?
3) is it seasonally limited, or year round?
4) can more than one license be used simultaneously for multiples of the daily bag limits?
Oh, you mean questions for the illegals or insufficiently documented american-to-be persons.
How about asking if they have a current organ donor card filled out?