I Dare You

I won’t describe to you what is happening in the picture I am about to link to. The dawning of what’s happening is part of the image’s power. It’s not funny in the least.
But this photo, it speaks directly to the deepest part of your heart. It sure did speak to mine.
Look at this picture and not cry.
I dare you and I warned you.

Can’t Believe No One Used "I’ll Have What She’s Having"

Halloween Hillary.jpg
Still there was a lot of good stuff, and I was surprised by the volume of responses.
Therefore I’m going to pass out the bragging rights & praise like Halloween candy, instead of just limiting it to five.
First some discussion of how I was impressed (or not).
It pays know your judge. I like:
* Brevity – a one-word caption would be your Holy Grail here. For example, “KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!”. Tough to find, but worth the effort if you can find it.
* Movie quotes – best if they’re recognizable, yet not the ones EVERYONE uses.
* TV show quotes – if you’ve paid attention, you’ll know my favorite.
* Indirect references – Frank J’s entry in the first comment (which, sadly, does not earn praise this time), never uses the word “Joker”. He merely leaves it implied. He fails in this case because the Joker was frustrated when he spoke this line. Would’ve been better with “You ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?” or “This town needs an enema!”.
* Smut – I like my humor off-colorer than most of the folks around here.
It also helps to know what I don’t like:
* Harry Potter references.
That’s Frank & Sarah’s thing. Personally, I think the series is dorky tripe written by a daft old limey bat.
Anyway, let’s dole out the bragging rights:


Spacemonkey (using an actual Hillary quote):
“We’re going to be taking things away from you…like your SOUL! [Pause] [cackle, cackle, cackle]”
Rick (nice misdirection – I bit on it):
After a hard day on the campaign trail, Hillary unwinds while watching her favorite comedy, Schindler’s List.
DamnCat (beautiful implication technique):
Recently added to the Baseball Hall of Fame’s memorabilia collection: Yogi Berra’s 1951 World Series catcher’s mitt.
Pantera (this thought just makes me feel warm inside):
What Saddam saw before he died.
Jerry (old joke recycled by using only the punchline – a good method):
“and you Obama, I’ll turn you into a wetsuit!!”
Lily (ripped from the headlines…)
Next on the Democratic agenda…Universal Dental Care
Master Shake (smutty AND baits Ronulans)
“Be careful down there, Ron Paul. That tickles!”
Bod (mostly because I used to own the album in question – yes, on vinyl, thank you very much)
21st Century Schizoid Woman


And before launching into the High Praise! winner, I’m offering some Moderately Elevated Praise! to:
hordog (smutty and semi-obscure Blazing Saddles reference)
“Oh, Bawwack, it’s twue it’s twue…”
AlanABQ (Yay! Smutty pun!):
“I’m smiling because I’m getting my cavities checked today, and I ain’t talking about my teeth!”
glockman (brevity and a Simpson’s reference):
mmmmm….babies
PostToasties (new twist on an old classic):
“The face that sunk a thousand ships.”
Casper the Friendly Host (he went there):
A mouth only Janet Reno could french kiss.
Raving Lunatic (he went there, but semi-discreetly):
Hillary discovers the secret joy of washing machines
G Fresh (For adapting a relatively obscure Princess Bride quote):
I am the Dread Pirate Rodham. I have come for your souls.
cptnmoroni (going extreme to make his point):
The Revlon corporation just surrendered.
badmartin (I really enjoy this mental image):
She’s laughing because her driver just hit a kid on a bike.
Hazel (a movie quote I’ve never heard before, but very fitting):
“It looks like Godzilla, but due to international copyright laws, it’s not.”
right (another mental image that tickles me):
Hillary grins happily as she learns that, yes, her new Wagner Power Sprayer CAN handle a 50/50 maybelline/spackle mix.
right (well-adapted commercial reference):
Souls. It’s what’s for dinner.
Michael Rutman (because it’s just SO wrong. Click the link, it’s a visual)
Dr. Evil (a rarely-quoted – yet well-chosen – phrase from MPatHG):
Follow. But… Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
And finally, High Praise! to… (see extended entry)

Continue reading ‘Can’t Believe No One Used "I’ll Have What She’s Having"’ »

Ronin Profile: Marvin

Marvin

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Marvin.


What’s the story behind your name? It was my grandfather’s name and is my middle name.
Where do you live? Roswell, GA, where there are no aliens and no water
How old are you? Old enough to know better, young enough to still do it anyway.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I am a former Surface Warfare Officer, US Navy. After I told my wife about my blog, she immediately asked if I received any death threats. (not yet, but I am trying for some.)
How long have you been reading IMAO? A couple of years
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths “If Hillary Clinton supporters are going door to door in your neighborhood, just mark your doorpost with lamb’s blood and they’ll not bother you.”
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Medication Required Daily
What’s your favorite political issue? Global War on Terror
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. www.wordofmarvin.blogspot.com is my site. It is just my rantings and ravings. But please visit and support Project Valour-IT (Voice Activated Laptops for Our Injured Troops) The annual interservice fundraiser is on, till Veterans Day.
How would you combat wildfires? By conscripting illegal, oops I mean undocumented, laborers to clear out the underbrush so that when fires start there is less fuel for them.


If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

The History of the Marines

In the beginning, the earth was without form. So God sent in the Marines to kick it around and get some order. God then realized that the Marines would need something to kill, so he created life.

About everything you enjoy in life is only here because the Marines killed the right people. Thus, show your support to them by donating to Valour-IT in the name of the Marines and help them beat the other branches to their goal. You’ll help wounded troops get voice-activated laptops and prove once and for all which branch of the military is the best (it’s the Marines).

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgFor years, John Edwards has harbored a secret crush on the Olsen Twins.
Ok, just their collection of party dresses.

Dennis Kucinich Announces His Vice President

dennisandhisveeps.JPG
Jumping ahead of the crowd, Dennis Kucinich today announced his Vice President. Said Dennis, “I’m not like the other candidates. I have an insight and awareness given to me from years of hard work, education, and alien visitation.” He was met with applause when he introduced his VP, E.T. The Extra Terrestrial.
Many in the crowd were pleasantly surprised. Said one reporter for the New York Times, “Many of us were supportive of the idea of an alien for Vice President. I guess most of us thought that the alien chosen would be illegal. But this is good too.”
Kucinich’s announcement has been well received. He’s gone up in the polls from 1% to 1.00009%.
“I think this is a wiinning combination. When I talked to E.T. he told me that if we hit the campaign trail, that he would be there to pick up all the pieces.
RightWingDuck is a frequent contributor to IMAO. Sometimes in a postiive way. His writings can be found at IMAO and at The Daily Jalapeno.

Hillary Clinton Supports Weaseliness on Illegal Immigration


Wow. That was painful. So if I’m to understand Hillary’s position correctly, she’s for giving driver’s licenses to illegal immigration, but against not being weasely when stating said position.
That was just some bad weaseling. Good weaseling leaves it ambiguous where you stand on an issue, but she made it pretty clear where she stood on the issue and then just weaseled for the hell of it. It was weaseling for weaseling’s sake… like she doesn’t know how to not weasel on an answer.

RUSSERT: “What’s your name?”
HILLARY: “People have often called me by different appellations, and I think the important issue is whether they’re said towards me so I know to respond.”

Man, think of sentencing the country to that for eight years (four with good behavior).

Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths

Hillary Clinton always wins “Scariest Costume.” She has no idea what Halloween is.

The Democrat Debate

I think the defining moment of last night’s debate was when Hillary jumped on Obama, ate his eyeballs, and then screamed to the audience, “I am unstoppable!” That pretty much sums it up.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

If your children go to Fred Thompson’s house on Halloween night, make sure they don’t say, “Trick or treat!” Fred Thompson does not respond well to threats.

Time’s Almost Up

Cutoff for getting your Horrible Hillary Halloween Caption in for consideration is noon today.
I’ll mull things over and post my picks sometime after sunset tonight.

Holy Crap!

Dennis Kucinich just set himself on fire to protest the Iraq war! Seriously! Turn on the Democratic Debate right now! He’s still rolling around screaming!

Ronin Profile: joby10095

joby10095

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s joby10095.


What’s the story behind your name? I moved to a new school in the end of 8th grade, and was named Joe, my last name starts with B. There was already a Joe in the group of friends I made, so they started calling me Joby to differentiate. Then, in 1994, my dad got AOL 1.5, and, I made a screen name joby10095. Ever since then, I have been too lazy to change it.
Where do you live? I currently live in the VERY small town of Black River, New York. 30 miles from the Canadian border, and right outside Fort Drum, home of the 10th Mountain Division
How old are you? 28
Tell us briefly about yourself. Grew up an Army Brat, my father was an infantryman who moved us all over the country, he won the Bronze Star in the Persian Gulf before he retired. Then, to his everlasting disgust his only son graduated and 3 days later left for Parris Island to become one of Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children. I spent 5 years traveling the world on Uncle’s dime, visiting fun and exotic places where people ran around with guns trying to kill each other, and the rest of us. I then decided to forgo a trip to Afghanistan so that I could go to college and become an officer, so I could lead even more Marines than I did before. This turned out to be a bad call and a good call, because two months after I got there, I got into a car accident that wrecked my back and got me medically retired. The good part was that I met a beautiful, smart, talented and amazing girl, who was also trying to get a commission. She succeeded, and is now an officer in the United States Army, and I am now an Army dependent for the second time in my life. My wife is now in Iraq, 6 months into a 15 month deployment. I work part time at a local library. Funny how things work out, huh? So now I work part time, and hang out at home with our deaf albino cat, who is secretly the spawn of Satan.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Since Monday, September 30, 2002. I was pissed off at some hippies at the college I was attending, and I was googling, and discovered a blog that had the heading “Everytime Someone Punches a Hippie, Baby Jesus Smiles”, and I knew I had found someplace great, and I have been reading ever since.
[Wow. How many here can claim to have been reading this site longer than that (i.e., how many of you remember the original blog on blogspot)? -Ed.]
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Well, obviously, Buck the Marine
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Out – Freaking – Standing.
What’s your favorite political issue? Right now, it is dirty hippie pricks who trash the soldiers that are serving overseas, mainly because my wife is there right now. My other big problem is border security. We need to keep our borders shut to ILLEGAL immigrants, particularly those who don’t plan on assimilating into American culture, but instead want to keep their own. Amazing how much “Mexican Pride” a lot of these people have, considering that they DON’T WANT TO STAY IN MEXICO.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I was a Government and Political Affairs major in college, and before that I was a low browed Jarhead. I’m lucky I know how to turn the computer ON.
What’s government best at solving? Ummmmm……..
well, give it a while, I might come up with something. I guess maybe blowing things up, but probably because they won’t let private citizens own heavy weapons and explosives, so that isn’t really fair. I’m sure I would be much better at it.


If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Project Valour IT

I’d like to take a moment and officially say – GO ARMY!

What’s all this about?

See, normally IMAO readers are pretty useless.

They sit around all day waiting for us to make with the funny.

Then they read the funny and go, “HUh?”

Then they sit some more and drink beer. Even at 9 in the morning. Heck they’re not going to work.

Then they scratch their fat butts.

(Frank J. interrupts.

Frank J: “Stop insulting my readers!”

Ducky: “Wait, wait. I’m going somewhere with this.”

FrankJ. “Well, hurry up. They’re not going to sit around on their fat butts all day while you get to the point.” )

Well, America is a great nation because our people are good. Sure we have our differences, but one thing that we do have in common is that we care about doing what’s right. The big disagreement of course is usually about what is right and wrong and best or worst. Or shorter or taller, Or …

(Frank J. Interrupts: You’re rambling again.”

Ducky: “Sorry.”)

But we all love our troops. And whether you want them to stay or come home I think we can all agree that the ones who have come home, and have come home HURT, need all the help they can get. That’s the least we can do for them.

So go to their site, read what they’re all about, and give. Give big.

Give Big or God Won’t Love you.

(SarahK Interrupts: “Hey, that’s not true.”

Ducky: “Yes. Yes, it is.”)

Please visit the folks at Project Valour IT.

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgAlthough researchers doing DNA testing on John Edwards did NOT detect the gene responsible for homosexuality, they DID discover that his mitochondria are comprised entirely of microscopic cans of Aquanet.
Bonus Fact from Jim:
John Edwards feels that he is uniquely qualified to deal with health care because he’s watched almost every episode of “General Hospital”