Ronin Profile: Spunkdanger

Spunkdanger

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Spunkdanger.


What’s the story behind your name? Well at the risk of reveling myself to be a total dork, back in high school my friend and I came up with the concept for a penguin secret agent. Said agents name was “Spunkdanger.”
Where do you live? Jacksonville, FL (formerly Cowford, b/c that’s where the cows ford the St. Johns river)
How old are you? 25
Tell us briefly about yourself. I hold a degree in education but gave that up when I couldn’t carry a side arm to defend myself. I now work for a large multinational corporation. It may or may not be Halliburton. It probably isn’t.
How long have you been reading IMAO? About 1 year. I swear I was lead to your site from something Rush said, but I can’t remember what.
[Is he talking about me behind my back now? -Ed.]
What’s your favorite IMAO post? My favorite post is the one that quotes Benjamin Takeshi Franklin: “It’s all about the me’s, baby!” I also really enjoy IMAO Condensed. And the Podcast.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? It’s teh funny.
What’s you favorite political issue? Fair Tax
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I do not, thank you for rubbing it in.
What’s your third least favorite country? France (the utter distain in which I hold all things French demand it hold multiple positions on my list, including the #3 slot)


If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

I Stand by Democrats Standing by Phony Soldiers

When Rush Limbaugh attacked phony soldiers, Senate Democrats ran to the rescue. While supporting actual troops and their Republican leanings has been hard for Democrats, they’ve always been big promoters of the phony ones. Only phony soldiers have had the courage to come out and admit what liberals have suspected of real soldiers all along: That they’re dumb and like to kill for no reason. And no one can dispute them because phony soldiers have phony moral authority from years of phony service. Sure, the phony soldiers may not wear their uniforms right and their war stories may have come form a rerun of JAG, but what isn’t phony about them is their desire to besmirch the military and the war. And that’s what’s important.
After years of phony soldiers fighting for the phony concerns of the phonies in Washington, how can we not expect the Democrats to run to their rescue? Good for you, Senate Democrats, in sticking up for your own! Stand by the phonies!

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgWhen asked “paper or plastic” at the checkout counter, John Edwards always chooses plastic. He knows plastic bags aren’t eco-friendly, but those paper ones are just so darn heavy.

I Wonder What She’d Do For a Klondike Bar?

Ann Coulter recently said, “If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president.”
Since – rumor has it, and any adam’s-apple-related evidence to the contray notwithstanding – Ann is a woman, and would be affected by the long-overdue repealing of that noxious constitutional amendment, I find myself in awe of her willingness to make sacrifices for the good of our country.
Which means that since – any silk panty wearing but only for comfort reasons related evidence to the contrary nothwithstanding – I am a man, I feel obligated to try to show her up by offering my own list of things I’d be willing to give up to prevent future Democrat presidencies:


  • John Edwards’s femininity – there goes half my posts.
  • All hope of a “Serenity” sequel.
  • My trigger finger
  • Simpsons, Monty Python, and Princess Bride references
  • Crushing my enemies, seeing them driven before me, and hearing the lamentations of their women.
  • Brett Favre during a game against the Bears.
  • The Robot Chicken Star Wars Special
  • My Magic 8 Ball… how did you THINK I chose which news stories to make fun of?
  • Making lists when my Magic 8 Ball keeps coming up “reply hazy – try again”.
  • I would give up podcasting, but I already traded that for getting Al Franken off the radio.
  • Tasteful beer commercials

So… what would YOU give up?

An Appeal to Liberal Sensibilities for Border Security

In the debate over illegal immigration, does anyone ever think of the mapmakers? They spent years getting that line depicting the border between the U.S. and Mexico just right. Every little bump and divot in that line is pregnant with meaning to them.
But no one cares. It’s like they’re life’s work doesn’t even exist. Illegal immigrants just run into America with no thought to the line those mapmakers spent so much time and care drawing. How can they go home at the end of the day and smile to their family knowing their life’s work is meaningless? When a mapmaker’s son asks, “Daddy, what do you do at your job?” the mapmaker has to use all his will not break down crying.
You’ll usually find the mapmakers down at the bar drinking their pain away, talking of a time when those lines on the map meant something. When they meant something.
Won’t someone think of the mapmakers?

Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths

Hillary gets all the daily nutrients she needs from the tears of children.

Such Talk Is Verboten!

Wes Clark thinks that political speech should be rated and regulated. I think that’s an awesome idea… but if, and only if, I’m the one determining what types of political speech is appropriate or not. I think I’d be good at that and wouldn’t be arbitrary at all (except when bored).
The only problem I see is that some people aren’t going to like my decisions and are going to come onto my lawn to protest. Thus, along with the power to regulate speech, I will also need the power to execute people. When people know you have the power to execute, they stay off your lawn.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

When an episode of Law & Order was lost just before airing, Fred Thompson quickly constructed a new one out of nothing more than a paper clip, a piece of string, and an episode of MacGyver.