John Edwards’s career as a mime nearly ended in tragedy when he spent three days without food or water, fruitlessly trying to escape from his invisible box.
Bonus Fact from Jim:
Rejected John Edwards campaign slogans:
“FAAAAAAAAABULOUS!”
“All this, and brains too”
“Better hair than that Korean guy.”
Archive of entries posted on 26th October 2007
Senator Biden Calls Black People Stupid: Gets Nominated For Nobel Prize
Senator Joseph Biden, a Democratic candidate for the presidency, was nominated to the Nobel Peace prize after implying that black people were stupid. Senator Biden, when asked why Washington schools were doing so badly,
attempted to explain why some schools perform better than others — in Iowa, for instance, compared with the District. “There’s less than 1 percent of the population of Iowa that is African American. There is probably less than 4 or 5 percent that are minorities. What is in Washington? So look, it goes back to what you start off with, what you’re dealing with,”
Staffers immediately offered that Biden was not saying that black people were stupid. “We feel he was talking abut how important Iowa is, not only to the elections and the economy, but to the overall health of the education system.”
The Nobel Prize Committee immediately went into conference to see if maybe they could reward these brave comments. Said one member, speaking off the record, “We’ve gone into conference about this and feel that he would make an excellent Nobel recipient. It might help his application if he made a movie about global warming like Al Gore, or if he hated Israel like Jimmy Carter, but we can look at his application on own merits. It would also help if he was black, since many times we do have a quota to fill.”
Senator Biden insists that he is not racist. “I have several black friends, and not once have any of them robbed me.”
(Hat Tip: Betsy’s Page)
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Well… I Suppose if They’re Barefoot & Pregnant, We Could Let Them Work in the Kitchen…
The perpetually-offended quota mongers are at it again. This time the complaint is that Republicans have too few Gynecologically-Examined-Americans (or whatever the hell the PC term for “women” is these days) as senior members of their campaign staffs.
[Grammatical aside: shouldn’t that be “staves”?]
Anyway, I speculate thusly upon the reasons why this might be so:
- Broads are always too busy gossiping about “Desperate Housewives” to get any damn work done. Why hire them?
- Republicans may have fewer women, but they’re WAY hotter.
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- Quality Conservative women too busy doing other things, like teaching their children the difference between right & wrong.
- The Republican women who were going to be hired never showed up for their interviews because their tires were slashed by Democrats.
- Any time a Republican man says “I want this woman on my staff”, he gets sued for sexual harrassment.
- Republican women refuse to take the pay cut or scale back on their precious shooting range time.
- Any woman worth having on a campaign is already in Iraq killing terrorists, where women belong.
- Republican men are still acclimating to this whole “women’s suffrage” thing. Don’t be pushy.
- There’s only one Ann Coulter, and what other woman could you possibly want to hire?
- Well, there IS that one… but she’s already working as a t-shirt babe for some Florida-based conservative humor blog.
- Because statistically speaking, there were more men in the pool of qualified applicants. What sort of bottom-line-ignoring moron would hire a candidate on criteria unrelated to potential for job performance?
- Oh.
Any other reasons that I might have overlooked?
Something Fishy About Ron Paul
It’s a well established fact Ron Paul can perform literal acts of magic that wow and woo his avid/rabid followers. His supporters, By and Large, (their actual names) have sworn to give their very lives at his command. They both work tirelessly to spread the troof about the wonderland a Ron Paul led free world would be. They also adjust internet polls to correct for the silent majority.
Ah, the crisp smell of a freshly restored U.S. Constitution is quite an enticing idea. We all bicker about those idiotic amendments and the Bill of rights anyway. They weren’t in the original document so they really have tainted the Republic. Any present day Thomas Jefferson would tell you that.
That’s not what’s got me bothered. It’s his voice. With every sentence he speaks the pitch rises. For a 2 minute debate answer it doesn’t get too terribly painful. But can you imagine what would happen towards the end of a State Of The Union address? Don’t bother, I can. T.V. tubes shattering, dogs howling in pain, vermin of all sorts running for their lives, eardrums bursting, bridges failing, the crust of the earth cracking in half. Is it worth it to destroy the planet, just to save the Republic? That’s a question we’ll need to answer.
Plus he was a gynecologist, which doesn’t necessarily make him a pervert, but it’s not so easy to wash your hands of that sort of activity. I’d like to think that the era of a having a resident of the White House who has been up close and personal with hundreds of hoohoos, chichis or whatever the technical term is, ended when Hillary moved out.