I’ve now had a number of people over the month or two I’ve been doing this who I e-mailed questions to, but never got a response. Has anyone e-mailed me his or her answers and not had a post in Ronin Profiles? I might be missing some e-mails… because it’s hard to believe that people would receive an e-mail from me, the great Frank J., and not respond immediately. Don’t you people understand that my time is much more important than yours?

I found this through a site called carpetbagger. (H/T to Salon) . According to this post, Glenn Beck says that those America Haters have now had their homes burned. Now, this might seem like an extreme view to some, but I have to say that Glenn and I see eye to eye on this.
I mean, if your viewpoint on this (or on anything) is different than mine, then the only proper punishment is to have your home burned along with all of your worldly possessions. It’s probably one of the best ways to end any arguments. I find that people put up much less of a fight when they’re sleeping out of a cardboard box.
Does anyone disagree with me on this one? (Ducky pulls out his lighter and starts taking note of the commenters’ names.)
Excellent. As long as we’re having a rational discussion, let’s talk about the REAL reason those America haters, all half a million of them, have been pushed out of their homes while the fires get put down: They have angered the Oink the Pig God.
Sounds crazy, but they probably deserved it. Please look at this overhead shot, provided by ABC news.

Do you not see it? Here, let me help with some outlining.

See? Evidence.
Let us be like Glenn. Let us NOT have compassion on people who are on the verge of losing everything they own. Their America Hating has angered Oink, the god of Pork.
I hope that my ample evidence has hardened your heart enough to keep you from caring. Remember, it’s easy to think we’re all in this together.

We had a great debate that made me more confident in all our frontrunners. The “defeat at any cost” crowd is losing steam. Pete Stark once again demonstrated how whimpering and weak the Democrats are. Now Fred Thompson has just released a new enforcement-centric plan on combating illegal immigration that’s sure to please the base. I’m starting to think the Republicans getting some momentum.
Of course, with all the seats they have to defend, Republicans are going to need freight train momentum just to keep things as they are, but we should never overestimate (underestimate?) just how weak the Democrats are no matter how much power they hold.

Pete Stark, slandered both the President and the troops when he said:

“You don’t have money to fund the war or children. But you’re going to spend it to blow up innocent people if we can get enough kids to grow old enough for you to send to Iraq to get their heads blown off for the President’s amusement.”

It was an idiotic non sequitur when arguing for the latest liberal hand out, sCHIP, but he originally stuck by his statement and the hateful little goblins of Kos gurgled with glee and shook their tiny fists triumphantly while exclaiming, “He speeks twoof to power! Twoof to power!”
It didn’t last. Not only has Stark now apologized, but he has apologized in the most pathetic way possible:

“I want to apologize to my colleagues, many of whom I have offended,” Stark began. He then apologized to “the president and his family” and “the troops.”
“I hope that with this apology, I return to being as insignificant as I should be,” he concluded though a voice cracking with emotion.

He did everything but admit he is President Bush’s bitch and then tuck his tail between his legs to conceal his tiny genitals before sulking off.
Let that be a lesson to you, Kos Kids: You are all weak and pathetic and should not even imagine standing up to us Republicans. Learn to live with disappointment.

It seems that the whole Dumbledore Was Gay post generated a lot of comments. Not a lot of humor, but a lot of comments. Folks, this is a HUMOR site. In theory at least. Or so I’m told.
Anyway, the object of the post was to have the readers generate a Top 10 list. On a personal note, let me share this with you.
You.
Guys.
Suck.
Anyway, it wasn’t ALL bad. We were able to get these gems from some of our commenters.
Top 10 Reasons We Should Have Known Dumbledore Was Gay
10. *Had an unusually wide stance when casting spells. AlanABQ
9. *Kept secretly reciting the “wingardium leviosa” spell towards male student’s crotches. AlanABQ
8. Hogwart’s policy of Don’t ask, don’t spell. Gary
7. He likes his candy sweet and his phoenixes FLAMING! Cknight
6. His patronus: John Edwards. Cknight
And then you guys ran out of gas. It’s okay. That’s why IMAO is here. We’re the professionals. Or semi professionals. Quarter professionals. (1/8 professionals at the very least.)
Anyway, here’s a COMPLETE top ten list. The entries above were good. The one’s listed below are mine. Check below the fold and tell me what you think.

Continue reading ‘Dumbledore Was Gay? The Top 10’ »

President Bush wants another million billion dollars for war. The Democrats are acting like they won’t give it to him, but they’re impotent little wusses and when push comes to shove, they’ll squeal, “We were okay with the pushing, but the shoving is too much! Stop and we’ll give you whatever you want!”

The Democrats might as well give him the money. They were only going to spend it on stupid poor people anyway.

Now obviously half that money will go to Halliburton in the form of kick backs, but why does the military need so much more money? Here’s what I found out about where all these expenditures came from:
* They’re now issuing military grade nunchucks to all the troops.
* Treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder from the last time Hillary visited.
* Cigarettes are expensive you know.
* Study of what best sustains the morale of troops sitting in a hot tank: A Nintendo DS or a PSP.
* How are the troops supposed to represent the best of America if they don’t each have an iPhone?
* There treating all the troops for psychosis since they keep claiming things aren’t as bad the 100% reliable media claims they are.
* They military thought they saw something, they fired all their bullets at it, and now they need more ammo.
* They’re putting spinners on all the tanks.
* Apparently some of the stuff they blew up needs to be rebuilt. Who knew?
* The troops keep crashing UAVs into each other as practical jokes, and while that is funny, it’s not millions of dollars funny
* The Marines’ Ka-Bars are dirty and they want new ones.
* They’re building sandboxes for the Iraqi kids and need to import some sand.
* They bought some hybrid Humvees but had to replace them after it was pointed out that violated the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.
* The troops need Prozac after the devastating news that Dumbledore is gay.
* All assault vehicles now come with OnStar.
* The Blackwater contractors signed on to be beat, shot at, and blown up, but casting them as villains costs extra.
* All the movies out of Hollywood lately are a bunch of anti-American crap, so they had to make their own movies.
* Don’t tell anyone, but most of the money is going towards invading Iran.

Violence is down 70% in Iraq. That combined with Osama trying to tell all the terrorists to get along and the Democrats backing down on asking for immediate (or even scheduled) withdrawal seem to indicate that the war against the war may be over. I remember when the war against the war in Afghanistan was lost. When we didn’t completely control Afghanistan within a day, the media was crying quagmire and talking about how impossible it was going to be take the remaining cities. Then — POW! — the military chased all the Taliban to the caves and no one talked about Afghanistan being hopeless anymore.
Now that the war against the war in Iraq is over, we can focus on winning the war in Iraq. Know what would be awesome? When that war is won, Bush lands on an aircraft carrier again with a big banner saying, “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, BITCHES!”

Red State has cracked down on Ron Paul spammers and purged them from their site. How insane and socially inept are the Ronulans to not understand that annoying the hell out of everyone does not generate support for your crank candidate. I swear I’ve never seen another group lacking this much self-awareness.
I should note that no where in the Constitution does it say citizens should be a bunch of annoying little goobers. In fact, it says quite the opposite and prescribes death for useless, annoying people.
Really. It’s near the middle.