Danger! Danger!

The way the Democrats are turning out, Hillary often looks almost conservative in comparison, but she still has moments of truth that shudder us to the bone:

“I have a million ideas. The country can’t afford them all.”

I’m sure we’ll be lucky if we can afford one or two.

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgJohn Edwards turned down the lead role in Three’s Company after he found out the script only had him acting gay in front of Mr. Roper.

The Problems of Having a Hot Wife from the Internet

Someone took a picture of SarahK and posted it in a Gamespot forum claiming she’s his girlfriend… and I’m pretty sure she isn’t.
Yes, pity me and the problems I have with my hot wife.

Bush Responds to Carter Accusations of Torture

WASHINGTON (AP) – Responding to former President Carter’s accusation that he “knows” that the President used torture on detainees, President Bush responded by saying “Well, DUH!”.

“M’kay, kids, you shouldn’t torture, m’kay, torture is bad.”

“Of COURSE there was torture,” said Bush, “and not the cute little consensual nipple-clamp games that Jimmy & Rosalynn like to play, either. We’re talking flaying, booting, Iron Maidens, the rack, eyeball-plucking, impaling, industrial plastic shredders, the WORKS!”
Showing unusal candor, the current President described the previously undisclosed information-gathering techniques. “There was this one guy, I think he was named Mohammed – heh, ain’t they all? – who was all ‘my faith in Allah will protect me’. Turns out he got pretty yappy by the time toe number seven came off. Not that he could even hear himself scream by that point, since the ears came off before the toes. Made a necklace with the leftovers.”
“Of course,” Bush continued, “that was strictly for gleaning intelligence. You wouldn’t believe the stuff that was done ‘just for fun’. Beatings, cuttings, rape, disfigurements, acid-splashing, car batteries… made Quentin Tarantino’s wildest movie fantasies look like a romp through Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood of Make-Believe. Pretty wicked stuff. I’ve always thought Carter had a weak stomach, that’s probably why he’s so offended.”
“But even though it seems a little late to be making protests now,” Bush conceded, “I still have to give the man credit for condemning President Hussein’s horrific activities. Better late than never.”

Frank Suggestions for Campaign Slogans

None of the presidential candidates so far has had a slogan that’s really stood out, so I thought I’d take a shot at writing each of them a slogan:
Rudy Giuliani: A tire iron to the heads of terrorists… but literally and figuratively.
John Edwards: I feel pretty.
Barack Obama: I have no idea what I’m doing, but maybe you don’t to and will vote for me!
Mitt Romney: Can’t you already see him as an animatron in the Hall of Presidents?
Hillary Clinton: Give in the to the darkness!
Fred Thompson: The power of one million exploding suns.
Ron Paul: You don’t have to be crazy to vote for me, but it helps.
Chris Dodd: Me Dodd. Me want be President.
John McCain: This slogan is within the regulations of campaign finance reform.
Mike Gravel: Rocks go in the river!
Bill Richardson: Half man. Half Mexican. All politician.
Mike Huckabee: Only half as hillbilly as his name.
Joe Biden: (slogan omitted to reduce possibility of an offensive gaffe)
Duncan Hunter: Mitt Romney may look like Hollywood’s version of a president, but I have Hollywood’s idea of a president’s name.
Sam Brownback: I’m only in this race to annoy everyone.
Dennis Kucinich: Stop laughing at me!
It’s quite possible I’m forgetting one or two. Oh well. If you have some better ideas, put them in the comments.
UPDATE:
Oh, I forgot Tancredo!
Tom Tancredo: Nuke Mecca to stop the North America Union!

Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths

Hillary Clinton is responsible for half the murders in D.C.

Nation Destroying

Scientists believe there are nearly two hundred countries on earth. You would think four or five would be enough for a planet this size, but obviously we lost control at some point and the number of countries ballooned to an unmanageable size. This is why nation building is so irresponsible; we’re already overpopulated with nations. This is why I propose America adopts a policy of nation destroying. Anytime some nation gives us trouble, we destroy it to the point it can no longer properly be called a country. Some may think that’s harsh, but we’ll simply be thinning the herd to the benefit of all nations… that remain. We keep up this policy until we’re down to whatever we set to be the maximum limit of the number of countries in the world — maybe twenty. What do you think?

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

While Fred Thompson was Senator, the Ultimate Fighting Championship lost viewers to C-SPAN.