Comic Character Dies: Air America Blames The Right!

Stunned by the latest news that one of the Funky Winkerbean comic characters had died, Air America immediately placed the blame on American Conservatives.
“I haven’t read the comic yet, but I’m sure that the character dies at the hand of some crazy rightwing Dittohead Drooling member of Bushco”, bleated radio host Jon Elliott. Unfortunately, he was unable to continue his rant as he was choking on his own bile.
The Daily Kos joined in the chorus denouncing all conservatives as hate filled sickos who will stop at nothing to destroy the America they love. Said Kos, “This is what I hate about conservatives! They won’t think twice about stooping so low as to knock off a beloved cartoon character. The character had children and loved ones! Do they not care about that?”
The Senate moved quickly on this complaint. Harry Reid and other leading Senate Democrats drafted a letter condemning the actions of the right, Rush Limbaugh, and Halliburton. Said one Reid staffer, “This reminds me of the horrible violent attack on radio host Randi Rhodes.” Randi Rhodes was the Air America talent who tripped on the sidewalk due to an accident involving the simultaneous use of two feet and the chewing of bubble gum. Sources have tried to locate the rightwing culprit behind that awful attack.
Although there are some reports that the Funky Winkerbean character died of breast cancer, they have yet to be substantiated as nobody at any news source reads the newspaper.
More on this as it develops.

Ronin Profile: XMariner

XMariner

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s XMariner.


What’s the story behind your name? I used to sail as a Merchant Mariner (not a Marine) and gave up the sea when I met my lovely wife (turned out to be the best decision I ever made!). Plus, I’m on the outer cusp of being a generation “X”er (at least, that’s what the Times Magazine story said). Hence, X (or ex) Mariner became my AOL screen name in 1994 and it has hung on ever since.
Where do you live? Suffolk, Virginia, in a small suburb a half hour away from the largest Navy base in the U.S. (Norfolk, VA). Lots of gun nuts and guys with short haircuts here (in other words, Hippies are scarce).
How old are you? I am as old as Star Trek and Speed Racer! So I’m in good company. I think 1966 was a damned fine vintage. Except the best song that year was Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Were Made for Walking” and the best movie was “A Man for All Seasons”.
Tell us briefly about yourself. White. Male. Traditional. (Oh, that’s the answer to the three word question coming up’). I started off in the ‘Nati in Ohio (where my Dad started as a Lutheran Minister), made a left turn at New Jersey, and wound up staying in Virginia. So I went from saying “Youse Guys” to saying “Y’All” — I’m not sure when the transition happened. I went to an all-Boys Episcopal high school, then through the least known federal service academy (U.S. Merchant Marine Academy, Kings Point, NY) and was a Marine Engineer on research vessels (saw a lot of dolphins but no Aquaman). Somehow I found a wife through all those female-deficient environments, and returned shore-side in more computer related jobs (some logistics, some programming and a sprinkle of graphics design and mad Photoshop skillz, yo). Through some freak of nature, I have three super-kids, known as ‘The Freight Train’, ‘Power Princess’, and ‘Monkey Boy’. I recently came back to working with the big diesel engines and steam turbines on ships again. Hooray! However, as a necessary evil, I work for the Government. Boo!
How long have you been reading IMAO? I’ve been reading on almost a daily basis for about two years. I got here after another blog (I think it was Rightnation.US) was featuring your Simpsons Trivia. Since I’m an old SCTV, Mystery Science Theater 3000, and Space Ghost C2C devotee, the satire here fits me like a glove. Umm, that may or may not be a compliment…
[Who couldn’t love MST3K? The highlight of my college career was when Mike Nelson gave a speech at my school. -Ed.]
What’s your favorite IMAO post? The one with the Democratic debate where Dennis Kucinich had to explain he wasn’t a garden gnome. I literally laughed for a day afterwards and sent the link to every like-minded conservative I know (what’s that, three people’). And I normally don’t forward links.
[Thank you. So few people give a specific post as an answer instead of a category. -Ed.]
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Crotch-grabbingly Good Fun (Thanks to my younger brother for the hyphenated adjective).
What’s your favorite political issue? It’s usually the Global War on Terror, because I’ve been over to Dubai and Bahrain and know first hand how nutty those camel jockeys are. A close second is Government spending. That might sound strange to someone on the government dole, but we’re one of few organizations to actually produce something that’s needed and cost-effective (cargo transport, usually for shipping heavy equipment for the Middle East effort). For example: www.phantom-planet.com/marad/duke
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have my own domain name (phantom-planet.com, from the old Sci-Fi movie) but I haven’t really done much with it except post pictures, especially after I found out that there is a stupid band also called Phantom Planet. However, my HTML pride is that I completely designed and run the entire website for our local little league organization. Go ahead and click so our Google ranking goes up, and then decide for yourself whether it’s the best looking little league website you ever saw: www.bennettscreek.org.
Who would you give a Nobel Peace Prize to? Big Bird and the Snufalufagus. In the last three years, two ‘entities’ were given the peace prize, one completely outrageous and one was so worthless that it’s just about a figment of the imagination (http://www.nobelprizes.com/nobel/peace/peace.html).


If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgMost people can’t eat popcorn without dropping some. John Edwards can’t eat popcorn without a little help lifting it.
Bonus fact from ExUrbanKevin:
Maybe John Edwards was born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline.

Fun Trivia

As a Republican, know what I hate worse than children?

Continue reading ‘Fun Trivia’ »

I Support Randi Rhodes’ Muggers

At the risk of sounding controversial, I have to say that I fully support the person or persons who mugged Liberal talk host Randi Rhodes. I know it may not be a popular choice to make, but I believe I’m making it for all the right reasons.
Ms. Rhodes was doing nothing wrong at the time except walking her dog. Many on the left are saying that this could not possibly be random. I agree, nothing is out of place as much as a person in New York being mugged. On a positive note, it’s nice to see something NOT being blamed on global warming. You see, a lot of people would say, “Hey, this mugger (or muggers, the details are still sketchy) should be locked up and put in jail for carrying out such a horrible crime.”
I cannot stand this sort of intolerant reaction. Instead of seeking the perpetrator, we should be looking at the root causes of these crimes and make sure we address them. IF these crimes were carried out by a fanatical right winger, I would say that we need to fix the current social injustices.
Problem: Poverty. Many Republicans these days have scant resources. Personally, my stock in Halliburton and shares of Zionist Management International haven’t been doing much lately. I blame the current political climate.
Solution: Money. I prefer tens and twenties but any amount will do. As long as it’s a tall stack. You might be saying, “But Ducky, why don’t you get a job instead of holding us ransom and threatening to mug us even more.” You might say that, but then I’d pistol-whip you. So make with the money you uncaring Libtard fascists!!
Disenfranchisement: Nothing is worse than feeling like you’re not part of the process. Conservatives right now are having to fight against the threat of abortion, gay marriage, and gun control. And that’s just against our own GOP candidates! Personally, it’s enough to make me go after some liberal radio host – and her little dog too.
Solution: Franchises. I would prefer a Subway. Or maybe a McDonalds. They have good french fries. You see, if you give a guy a fish, he’ll probably slap you with it, because they’re not as yummie as twinkies and stuff. If you give a guy a fish taco franchise, then he can sell it and buy guns. I was trying to make a point, but at this point, even I’m not paying attention to me.
Together we can all make a difference. If you support the Randi Robbers, then come join us for a rally. This will be the biggest civil rights march since the Jena Six. The Randi Robbers deserve to have their civil rights enforced, not punished like a bunch of common street muggers.
So, in closing. Let us not judge the Randi Robbers too harshly. Sure she’s missing a few bucks, and a few buck teeth, but that’s not the real tragedy. The real tragedy is the fact that so many robbers are out there, waiting to pounce on liberal gas bags, and nothing is being done to reach out to them.
Only when we reach out, can we truly call ourselves a just society. Let’s not punish these criminals, they’ve been punished enough. Let’s look at ways of addressing the root causes of Libtard muggings and ensure that all are treated equally (cue All American Background music) so that a city for the people, by the people and of the people, can one day shine for everyone, regardless of race, religion, height, sexual orientation, political party, or right handed or left handedness. Then we will truly be free.
UPDATE: It turns out that Randi was not attacked by a conservative mugger. It makes sense, you bunch of chickenhawks. New reports show that Randi Rhodes “fell” when her dog pulled her off balance. The dog is being investigated, will be checked for rabies, but not for any other “papers.”
Here’s the picture of the dog who pulled her off balance. As with any IMAO reporting, this may or may not be factually accurate. But we care. That’s what truly matters.
randidog.JPG

lolterizt! Part 19

Once again, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.


terrorist affirmative action.jpg
helping your enemies.jpg
hold me.jpg
koran with scrubbing bubble.jpg
scared terrorist.jpg
our demands.jpg


From DamnCat:
riyadh now.jpg
From Caylen:
tom cruise.jpg
From John:
skynyrd-jihad.jpg
From Bill:
hillary monkey.jpg
2 From Alan ABQ:
where my b.jpg
achoo.JPG


PRODUCTION NOTE: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Frank Suggestions for Hybrid Slogans

I saw a commercial for a hybrid car which had the hybrid owner stalking and picking up the trash of a regular car owner so he could eventually chastise him. I would think hybrids wanted to shake the image of only being of interest to pretentious hippies, but apparently they’re embracing it.
With that in mind, here’s some suggestions for hybrid car slogans:
* Your license to be a prick.
* The easiest way to win the respect of your filthy hippie friends.
* Now you can look down on SUV owners (though, technically, they’ll be looking down on you… if they can even see your car over their bumper).
* It’s time to spend all that money you saved on soap.
* The car that says how much you care about the environment (though we’re sure you’ll still tell everyone yourself).
* Think of all the money you’ll save on gas (now only if you had a job to drive to).
* Just buy the @#$% car, you damn dirty hippie!

Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths

Voldemort always insisted that Hillary be referred to as “She Who Must Not Be Named.”

Mission Accomplished?

We have the leading Democrat presidential candidates not guaranteeing troops will be out of Iraq by 2013 and the media actually reporting that things are turning around there. Does this mean that Democrats have given up on giving up in Iraq? Did we win?
Maybe, but I still recommend caution. One sign of weakness and the Democrats will regain their quitting momentum.

Clarification on a Previous Post

Apparently a lot of you didn’t know who Graeme Frost is, which is problematic since according to the New York Times we’ve been sliming him for the past week or so. People spend a lot of time making the vast right wing conspiracy both vast and a conspiracy, so you all need to get on the ball here.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

If your cellphone rings during a Fred Thompson speech, he will kill you and your Fave 5.