I saw a commercial for a hybrid car which had the hybrid owner stalking and picking up the trash of a regular car owner so he could eventually chastise him. I would think hybrids wanted to shake the image of only being of interest to pretentious hippies, but apparently they’re embracing it.
With that in mind, here’s some suggestions for hybrid car slogans:
* Your license to be a prick.
* The easiest way to win the respect of your filthy hippie friends.
* Now you can look down on SUV owners (though, technically, they’ll be looking down on you… if they can even see your car over their bumper).
* It’s time to spend all that money you saved on soap.
* The car that says how much you care about the environment (though we’re sure you’ll still tell everyone yourself).
* Think of all the money you’ll save on gas (now only if you had a job to drive to).
* Just buy the @#$% car, you damn dirty hippie!
Just ignore the fact that the pollution released during the construction of the batteries is far more then the pollution released by a Hummer over a 10 year life!
Some other great ideas:
*Admit your small penis openly, rather than compensate with the usual SUV exaggeration
*You get more high in a Hybrid (don’t toke and drive)
*Feel superior in the rodeo parking lot…that will help while you’re getting beaten up
*Now your car and your lover can run on batteries
*More Hybrid owners live in outragiously large, inefficient homes; you could be one of them
I hate Hybrid owners so much…slowly killing us all with their smug which is much worse than my giant truck’s smog
a car that lets people think you care about the environment without having to care about the environment enough to, you know, actually change your lifestyle or have your own “walden pond experience”
*Want a Nobel Peace Prize? Drive a hybrid.
Having served several years as a car salesman fresh out of college at the University of Iowa where I majored in the School of Hard Knocks, I can assure you that selling Hybrid cars to these pretentious pricks has got to be torture! I’ll bet the new car manager has to stand in the show room with a taser and when one of these guys drives his rusty old Saab or Volvo in, he whips out the electric “stimulator” and “motivates” his team to go outside and take the “up” (vernacular for a prospective customer).
There are ways of responding to these guys to discourage discourse, however. When asked how sales are going a good salesman can respond “I knocked the last guys dick stiff on one of these” (I made a huge profit), “then I choked and stroked him” (he was a deadbeat so I financed both his down payment at a finance company and I charged him 20% interest on the finance rate) “and he bought all the goodies for his baby” (I sold the sucker rust-proofing, fabric treatment, floor mats, mud flaps all at a huge profit).
This stuff usually prompts “dickhead” to get back in his car and affords a good salesperson the chance to go have a coffee and a smoke! Just before he leaves always say “bring your title and your wife and we’ll dicker!”
Now available in Gaia earth tones!
Free Patchouli air freshener just for taking a test drive!
GPS pre-programmed with the locations of your nearest Birkenstock retailers, protest sites and uhhh…pharmacies.
Just picture yourself pulling up to the gates of eco-heaven in this baby!
Wow, ussJC, I had no idea that car salesmanship was so…..colorful.
Frank, it’s a shame you probably don’t watch Weeds. I’m not sure which came first, but apparently hybrids are very useful for drive-by shootings.
Hybrids: So quiet, the blind won’t know what hit them.
Hybrids: Because your attitude isn’t the only thing that can show you’re a prick.
I just love how they over played that stereo type that if you drive a truck / suv, you must be a filthy pig that litters everywhere.
Hybrids: “Proving to the guy in the old Volkswagen van that he’s not the only one who can pick up filthy hippie tail at burning man!”
*Break free from foreign oil dependance… sorta.
*Why pollute the environment with oil when there’s coal to burn for electricity?
*Finally- a car that matches your liberal sexual prowess.
*Forget that old set of roller skates; Get a set of hybrids!
*Hybrids: like harnessing the sheer power of 10,000 hamster wheels.
*The only car that could make Andy Dick look even more girly.
*The new hybrids: the vehicles without a ‘Y’ chromosome.
*Wait ’til next year’s model: The Prius Zissie
*0% APR financing to well-qualified buyers for two years! (well-qualified meaning: Spoiled rich girl, flaming homosexual, or hermaphrodite)
*New hybrids- where trans-gender surgery meets automotive technology.
Nobel Peace Prize included with every purchase!
(Sorry, Adam!)
Wiggly Dash-mounted Goracal for new car buyers!
Free HAZMAT cleanup for battery leaks included in warranty!
Free “I’m not arrogant, I’m consciencious” T-Shirt
Is it safe to assume that John Edwards drives a hybrid? Or rather, sits in his booster seat in the back of a hybrid so that he doesn’t hit his widdle head?
Dammit, brain, you got there first!
Here were my bashes at the same general thought:
*Ask me about my cadmium! (and lead, mercury, nickel, sulfuric acid….)
*A Superfund site that fits in your garage!
*Heavy metal! (because CO2 is for weenies)
*Save the planet, kill your neighbors’ kidneys!
*The immune system? Bah, who needs it?
How could I forget this gem?
*You’ve GOTTA put mercury on your list!
Small like your penis, with a price as big as your ego
What better way to come out to your wife then to drive home in a hybrid?
The metal saved by making these cars so small will be used to make missles by the Nuke The Moon For Peace Foundation.
I’ve only seen one person pull over and run back up the road to see if the squirrel she had just run over was OK.
It wasn’t.
She was driving a hybrid.
“*New hybrids- where trans-gender surgery meets automotive technology.”
That’s about one of the best ever right there!
Real bumper sticker seen on a Prius in (where else?) San Francisco:
“Real Patriots Drive a Hybrid”
Bumper Sticker on my truck:
Was that a Hybrid I just drove over or a Speed Bump?