Reader Jimmy sent me this horrifying visage:
After I got done bleaching my retinas and cursing his name, I decided he was right – this photo DOES need a caption.
Winner and four runners-up to be chosen by me, with the winner receiving the usual… High Praise!… and the rest having to settle for mere bragging rights.
If you decide to photoshop it or give it the “lolterizt!” treatment, post the pic at your place and just drop the URL in the comments.
I’ve created a few captions of my own to set the bar, but I’ll put them in the extended entry so as not to completely deflate your creative urge…
If it were invented anywhere besides Arkansas, it’d be called a “teethbrush”.
“Abandon all hope, ye who enter here”
If she bites you, you become one.
Proposed Michael Myers mask for Halloween IX – rejected to avoid NC17 rating.
Entrance to Disney World’s new “Tunnel of Terror” ride.
Detail from Hieronymus Bosch’s “Last Judgment“.
“…and your little dog, too!”
“Will president for botox.”
Photo taken just before she cut the rope, dropping both Bill and Monica into a vat of acid.
Now THERE’S a face that Dick Cheney should go hunting with!
“Where does he get those wonderful toys?”
After eating her last make-up artist Hillary runs help wanted ad. Needed – Miracle worker to apply make-up – guaranteed to win oscar for best make-up if you can make me look good.
mmmmm….babies
Hillary reacts to meeting her newly-raised army of Uruk-Hai
Photo snapped moments before Hillary learns that the nearby Babies’R’Us is NOT a restaurant.
“Presidential candidate – or – Halloween mask?”
Once she takes the plate out of her mouth, her smile would make a nice model for pumpkin carving.
“We’re going to be taking things away from you…like your SOUL! [Pause] [cackle, cackle, cackle]”
“I’m ready for my close-up now, Mr. DeMille…”
Since FrankJ stole my original Dante reference:
“If you listen closely, you can hear the cries of Brutus, Judas, and Cassius”
…guess that one only does it for you if you’ve read The Inferno.
Just wait til you see what I have in store for you right wingers!! Bwahahahahahaha! You’ve heard of the fairness doctrine?! You bloggers better enjoy yourselves while you can….Hmmmm?! What Bill of Rights?!
After a hard day on the campaign trail, Hillary unwinds while watching her favorite comedy, Schindler’s List.
Many thought that the stains on Hillary’s teeth were from drinking too much coffee, but in reality, she perfer’s drinking the blood of the innocent to get her day started off right.
In this still from Total Recall….
So MANY possibilities!
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
“The one who must not be named also must not be seen – up close.”
“Look into my eyes. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper.”
I’ll get you, my pretty! And your little dog Toto, too!
As soon as those two teeth with the receding gums fall out, I’ll be accepted back in Arkansas!
A while back we created the Halloween Hillary image with sound:
http://exurbanleague.com/2007/10/06/now-im-ready-for-halloween.aspx
Enjoy! (Or not)
“Bad caps and gum disease. Ewwww.”
“The face that sunk a thousand ships.”
A mouth only Janet Reno could french kiss.
Dun-duh, dun-da, duh, duh,
Dun-duh, dun-da, duh, duh.
Hillary discovers the secret joy of washing machines
“Eyes of steel, a smile of gold and master of the Pit of Doom.”
“Bless you, Hsu. You brought MONEY!”
Of course I love children… boiled OR fried!
“I am the Dread Pirate Rodham. I have come for your souls.”
“Say ‘cackle’ again, mo-fo, I dare you!”
Who ya gonna call?
OR
“She’s too powerful… let’s form… VOLTRON!”
I
AM
CTHULHU!
heyyy boyyyyyyyyys!
(said like flava flav)
“Braaiiiiins! I need braiiiiins! KosKids, you can go, I don’t want to starve to death.”
Goldfinger strikes!
“Satan? I used to beat him up in highschool.”
“Bushitler’s heir apparent, Hitlery”
To all mothers out there: Honestly, would let this woman hold your babe-be-be-by?
Your soul is mine steals soul…fatality.
“Avada Kedavra!”
“I’ll get you Dorothy, and your little dog too…”
Rawlings offers irrefutable proof, Dumbledore is a lesbian.
It’s the smile after that first cup o’ coffee when she remembers why it really is worth gnawing through the leather straps in the morning.
“I’m smiling because I’m getting my cavities checked today, and I ain’t talking about my teeth!”
“The best part of waking up
is virgin blood in your cup!”
Thats the same photo that the dentist(Steve Martin) used in Little Shop of Horrors about gingivitis!
When I was young and just a bad little kid,
My momma noticed funny things I did.
Like shootin’ puppies with a BB-Gun.
I’d poison guppies, and when I was done,
I’d find a pussy-cat and bash in it’s head.
That’s when my momma said…
(What did she say?)
She said little girl, I think someday
You’ll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay…
You’ll be a politician.
You have a talent for causing things pain!
….I’ll be here all week folks, be sure and tip your waitress!
“Mamasan in The Little House of Whores.”
“It looks like Godzilla, but due to international copyright laws, it’s not.”
It was either that, or a quote from Beowulf or Jabberwocky. I decided to go with one that people might actually get. Might come back if I think of one better.
And the Donkey goes….HeeeeHaaawwww
She’s laughing because her driver just hit a kid on a bike.
“She’s laughing because her driver just hit a kid on a bike.”
Actually, after the limo hit the kid, she went back and stole his bike and stomped him in the nads before the limo speed off……click!(camera sound).
“From here, you will witness the final destruction of the Alliance and the end of your insignificant rebellion.”
And the winner of the french-fry bobbing contest is…
This is your vote on drugs. Any questions?
Most of my friends died in a freak gasoline fighting accident…she was the only survivor.
On a recent campaign stop in Southern California, Hillary implied the Republicans were to blame for the wildfires ravaging the region. Moments later, her face was engulfed in flames. Not to worry, Fred Thompson put it out with a wet chain.
Recently added to the Baseball Hall of Fame’s memorabilia collection: Yogi Berra’s 1951 World Series catcher’s mitt.
“What Danforth saw when he looked back at the the ancient city in the Mountains of Madness, driving him mad” (Lovecraft Reference for those of you with enough of a life not to get it)
Kansas has Oz and the Wicked Witch of the West, Arkansas, the ugly inbred cousin of Kansas, has hell and Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Comment #2 is HILARIOUS! What he said, but substitute “Nobel Peace Prize” for “Oscar”.
“I want the precious in 2008. My precious! My precious!”
“Strength is irrelevant, resistance is futile. We wish to improve ourselves. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service ours.”
“Someone has conjured the Dark Mark!”
The nightmare has just begun.
Bill deserves the Medal of Honor for marrying this thing.
When Hillary went down to Georgia
She was lookin’ for a soul to steal…
Now son, if you leave your baseball glove outside all winter, it’ll look just like this.
This is the photoshopped version! You should have seen the thing before we edited it.
Harry Potter finally found out what a Dementor looks like under it’s hood.
For years, physicists have pondered the existence of Dark Mater. No longer.
Proud promoter of periodontal disease since 1864. (This message endorsed by the American Academy of Periodontology.)
That is a face that only a mother could love. And I bet her mom still closes her eyes at every opportunity.
This is what the Nazi’s looked like after they opened the Ark of the Covenant.
When Vlad the Impaler had a bad hair day, he didn’t look half this bad.
What a puppy looks like after Glenn Reynolds is done with it.
The Revlon corporation just surrendered.
Seriously, that pic needs to be shrunk down and put next to the Terrible Truths like John Edwards’ pic. Of course, I wouldn’t let my children visit this site then – too many nightmares.
“Young Hillary” Trading Card #17 – Hillary is shocked to learn of the bombardment of Fort Sumter.
“All shall love me and despair!”
There we go.
“And they never suspected that Ron Paul was working for me! Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!”
Pazuzu: “That’s much too vulgar a display of power, Karras.”
(in honor of Halloween)
Swallow your soul! Swallow your soul!”
Evil Dead IV
Out of the backwoods and into the White House!
Now that I have eaten your soul, I will eat your GROSS profits too.
“Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Geuel…”
“The Antichrist.”
Who’d have thought it?
Or, better yet:
Concealed within her fortress, the queen of Mordor sees all. Her gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth, and flesh.
And I told myself I would refrain from Lord of the Rings this time around.
As Hillary looked into the mirror, the word of her mother rang in her ears: “Stop making faces like that, or it’ll stay that way forever.”
Jimmy-
Where’d that photo come from?
Hillary? Or an Oster blender? Tough choice.
“I never drink, . . . wine.”
/Hungarian accent
“Fly, my monkey minions!”
“Free health care – isn’t that worth your soul?”
“Eye of newt and toe of frog,
“Wool of bat and tongue of dog….”
What the moon hath wrought (it’s an obscure Lovecraft short story)
This photo was snapped right after Hillary watched the daily CNN troop casualty count.
view this photo to the song “By Demons be Driven”
What Saddam saw before he died.
Alan. I didn’t do it! But it’s all over the Internet.
Have we heard from ussjimmycarter, yet? I’m waiting to see if he has me reserved in one of Hillary’s re-education camps.
This photo was actually taken next to the 2 way mirror she installed in the oval office. It was snapped seconds after she saw Monica running around looking for a paper towel!
Just … Waterboard … Me … Now.
“Open mouth, insert Bill’s cigar tool.”
OK, Now THAT is Cruel and Unusual Punishment
http://www.manicmoose.com/images/hillary-fatima.jpg
And your little dog too, Obama.
“Baby, you got REEEALL ugly!” (Army of Darkness)
Press Release from Tim Kring:
Hillary Clinton will replace Dania Ramirez in the role of Maya Herrara. She is a natural!
“But by God, Eliot, it was a photograph from life!”
Yet another Lovecraft reference.
CNN Headline News, 11/05/2008
“She was so happy, just so happy.” sobbed Vice President Elect John Edwards. “After all these years, all those things we did to get elected, she was finally President. Then to suddenly suffer a fatal heart attack, this horrible tragedy makes me so sad.” The Vice President Elect dismissed questions about what he and the President Elect were doing alone together at the time of Clinton’s fatal heart attack. “She was so happy, we both were. It’s just so sad.”
The hominid practice of “baring teeth” has taken on new meaning here. Further study required.
“Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the cruellest one of all? Meeee-hee-hee!”
“No, Mr. Powers, I expect them to die!”
and you Obama, I’ll turn you into a wetsuit!!
when i read that the human race would split into two species last week, i didn’t realize that we already had an example of a morlock!
caption (becasue this is a contest!):
the human race will split into two, stated experts this week. Here is an example of what hg wells envisioned as the animalistic morlocks.
Oh, Bawwack, it’s twue it’s twue…
REALLY ??
BILL CAUGHT THE CRABS !
Next on the Democratic agenda…Universal Dental Care
Carrying on the HPL-theme:
“Can you still see my gills when I stand like this?”
Global Warming? Just making earth more like hell..er I mean home….
“ph’nglui mglw’nafh Hillary C’hpqua”
Earnest Borgnine enjoys it when he is mistaken for somebody else.
Cruella de Vil beams with evil glee as she finally takes possession of her luxurious new Dalmatian coat.
“Do those look like the eyes of a President to you?”
Hillary grins happily as she learns that, yes, her new Wagner Power Sprayer CAN handle a 50/50 maybelline/spackle mix.
Revelation6
4th Seal
Vs7 And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see.
Vs8 And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and her name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with her. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
Souls. It’s what’s for dinner.
There’s something deeply disturbing about that picture of the Hildebeest appearing on the same page as that uberhot “I survived row vs. wade” babe.
Why, yes, my dear. I’d be happy to take care of your CHILD for an hour.
Angelica Houston is jealous!
Who couldn’t resist cheeks with the consistency of sandpaper?
101st!
I only did that ‘cuz no one’s done that in a while.
Do I have any baby flesh in my teeth?
“God?…No God!”
I’m gon’ sue that billy bob fer steelin my toof ideer!
Nothing says “Presidential” like wooden teeth.
I’m here, I’m queer and I’m going to ruin your pathetic little lives…
Zardoz is dead. I have slain him. Now obey Clinton! My Exterminators, Together we will purify this Earth!
You’re mine. heh,heh,heh. ALL MINE! AHAHAHAHAHA!!
or:
Power! Limitless POWER!!!!!
Did you honestly think by all this that you could save the human traitor?
You are giving me your life and saving no one’s. So much for love.
Tonight, the Deep Magic will be appeased! But tomorrow…we will take America…forever!
In that knowledge… Despair… and DIE!
Patti Doyle, prepare your troops for battle. However short it may be.
(adapted from the White Witch’s assassination of Aslan in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe)
“Puny Humans–I’m stronger than all your weapons and chemicals–especially Botox!”
As soon as the Nazis opened up the Ark, anyone who looked at it died as their flesh melted off of their bones.
“I will swallow your soul!!! Bwa ha ha!!!!!”
An editorial in the New York Times endorsing Hillary: “…The last time we had a President with wooden teeth, the nation did pretty good…”
“Why yes, bits of soul often DO get caught in my teeth.”
“Hisssss”
“And now, young Skywalker… you will die.”
I Am American (And No You Can’t!)
“Abandon all hope ye who enter here…or who elect me.”
(that photo really should come with a warning shudder)
Sorry for the typo. I meant “I Am America (And No You Can’t)”
Now that you have elected me Commander In Chief…My Military will immediately be re-built. It will consist of lesbians. Once fully operational, their first order from Me will be to round up every male in the United States and bring him in to a Central Processing Station where he will have his testicles removed…
This week’s winner: Maori face making contest.
Oops, forgot that you have to mention Ron Paul three times to get his minions to appear….
“Be careful down there, Ron Paul. That tickles!”
“Ron Paul won an internet poll?!”
“I’ve already eaten Ron Paul’s soul – and you’re next!”
Hillary Care:
I am not just the president, I am a member!
rephrased to make a better caption:
Hillary recalls the time her driver hit a kid on a bike. “You should’ve seen that little hick twist when he hit the pavement!”
That face will cause more channel surfing during the Presidential campaign than all the bad commercials, combined.
Opening Friday!
ALIEN 7 — The Election
…this time, there’s no escape.
Warning, very very scary. May cause revulsion in everyone that likes the T-Shirt ads.
http://www.manicmoose.com/images/trickortreat.jpg
It’s obvious what the blender did to her. I wonder what she did in reataliation?
My healthcare plan will give me control over every life or death decision in America.
Just imagine what my healthcare plan can do for you little people!
All your base, are belong to us….
I’m very very sorry….
Now I know where I’ve seen that face before …
(Not awfully safe for work)
21st Century Schizoid Woman
Senator Clinton unveiled her plan for universal dental coverage during Tuesday’s Democratic debate…
“I know he’s cheating on me…wait till I’m POTUS…I have a little surprise in store for Bubba”
Quick Dorothy, give her some water!
Feeeeed me, Seymore!
“J.K. Rowling has finally revealed what was under the Dementor’s hoods.”
Neal before Zod!, OH, I’m sorry, I mean thank you for the nomination.
You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Clinton when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…clunk
The fleshy mask loosely resembling a woman, her alter-ego Hillary Clinton, sits draped over a wig stand beside the worm-laden bed of Skeletora, queen of all that is vile and wicked. “Soon, the entire world will be mine!” she cackles to herself, nodding off to sleep in her subterranian fortress after a hearty post-debate dinner of roast child.
A blender full of puppies? Fabulous!
What Skeletor looked like when he had skin
“To Serve Man….It’s a Cook Book!”
(Tip of the hat to Outer Limits, ABC 196?)
Hillarycare! We do dentistry too!
There is no Hillary, only Zuul!
Follow. But… Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
Have an Evil day
Whoa, the last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it.