Although researchers doing DNA testing on John Edwards did NOT detect the gene responsible for homosexuality, they DID discover that his mitochondria are comprised entirely of microscopic cans of Aquanet.
Bonus Fact from Jim:
John Edwards feels that he is uniquely qualified to deal with health care because he’s watched almost every episode of “General Hospital”
The also found that his midi-chlorians were off the scale, but Yoda refused to teach him, because he felt in him much fear. Fear of conservatives, fear of Republicans, fear of men with hair on their chests but mostly fear that his hair style would be destroyed in a strong wind.
When he became Emperor he banned wind, rain, sun and anything else that would in any way impact the heath and look of his pristine locks. People starved, cities fell all in the cause of Johnny’s perfect coif.
John Edwards’ hairs are actually little nanobots that comb themselves.
John Edwards feels that he is uniquely qualified to deal with health care because he’s watched almost every episode of “General Hospital”
His favorite episode – Love Bears Fruit: An effeminate ambulance-chaser falls madly in love with the ruggedly handsome doctor that he is supposed to be suing.
The real challenge? Sorting out who’s DNA was who’s. When they took a sample from John’s mouth they found DNA from several men…and John.
Ohhhh. I get it. Mitochondria are genitals.
Son of Bob, in all fairness to John, there are several ways that DNA could have found its way into his mouth. 1. He drank from the same beer bottle being passed around a table of men; 2. The group of men had a spitting contest and John forgot to close his mouth; 3. The male group engaged in a pissing contest and he got sprayed; and, 4. His dentist doesn’t practice safe, sterile dentistry.
Just please don’t tell us what he learned from watching every episode of “Queer As Folk” six times each!
#7… what the deuce?
LMAO! Little tiny aquanet cans… haha!