A License for Illegals? I’m All For It!

When it comes to offering a driver license for illegals, many are opposed to the idea. These people are short term thinker and must be dealth with immediately:
Not only do I think this is a GREAT idea, I have also taken the time to design the special application.
Name
Address
City State Zip
Phone Number
Application questions:
Are you here illegally? (Note: This question is used for diversity purposes only.)
What is the best time of day to find you at home?
Let’s say you had an emergency (hospitalization, injury, the election of more Republicans) Many illegals want to be helped by people just like them – other illegal aliens. Give us the name and address of 3 people you would like us to contact in case of emergency.


These are all I could come up with. But I’m sure IMAO readers would have other suggestions for this application.
Tell me – what other questions could we ask?

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgJohn Edwards hates his new iPod Nano because carrying it gives him such a backache.
Bonus Fact from Jim:
Last Halloween John Edwards answered the door wearing a green hat with a long feather, a green leather jerkin, green tights, and green slippers with a bell at the curved toe. One parent remarked, “Nice costume, who are you? Peter Pan?”
To which Johnnie answered, “…costume…?”
Two Bonus Facts from Bill:
A friend of the Edwards family rigged up a vice and small pipe wrench on a stand so little John would be able to separate the two halves of Oreo Cookies by himself.
John Edwards has a phobia about sneezing, since he once got a very nasty paper cut pulling out a Kleenex.

Helpful Hints for Barack Obama

Desperate to overcome Hillary Clinton’s unovercomable lead for the Democratic nomination, Obama’s campaign team has taken to studying BILL Clinton’s old videotapes, the theory being that Obama should associate himself with the only Democrat President to win re-election in over 40 years.
Hopefully he stops before he gets to the “Interns Gone Wild” tapes.
Meanwhile, here’s some more advice for the Barackster:


  • Study the campaign of America’s only serious black presidential candidate – Jesse Jackson ’84 – and don’t do a damn thing he did.
  • Point out Hillary’s flaws, like the “666” tattooed inside her lip.
  • Remember, it’s “Klaatu barada nikto“. Try to get it right the first time.
  • Dallas and convertibles don’t mix.
  • Ditto Kennedys & Oldsmobiles.
  • Don’t brush up against Edwards’s hair. It looks soft & fluffy, but that hairspray helmet of his is sharper that Odd Job’s hat.
  • Be cautious when playing the race card. If you hear someone shout “Nagger!” at a debate, it’s probably directed at Hillary, not you.
  • Tanks & bunny suits – bad.
  • Nobody likes a copycat. Don’t follow Hillary’s cleavage maneuver.
  • Before giving out “Obama ’08” campaign buttons, make sure they’re not hand-painted in China.
  • Avoid rookie mistakes. Although it’s counterintuitive, remember that it really IS just as emotionally satisfying to reveal your top secret plan for global domination to the British secret agent AFTER you kill him.

If you’ve got any advice for Obama, keep it to yourself, lest he read the comments and win the election due to your lack of restraint & discretion.

Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths

Hillary once tried putting on an American flag lapel pin, but it burned her like a crucifix.

A Constitutional Question About Impeaching Clintons

I’m still excited about getting impeachment started for Hillary. Here’s some slogans readers have come up with for the movement:
“Impeach Clinton! Nobody can impeach just one!”
“She has gout! Throw her out!”
“I Can’t Stand When Women Have Power!”
Please try and come up with more in the comments.
I’ve been thinking though. Let’s say Hillary is elected President and then we impeach her for her evilness and the Senate throws her out of office (“Get out of here, you crazy broad!”). What’s if we’re bored soon after and want to impeach a Clinton again? Is there anything in the Constitution preventing us from reelecting Hillary so we can impeach her once again? I checked the Constitution (it’s only like two pages) and I don’t see anything keeping a president who was thrown out of office from being reelected (interestingly, though, the Constitution does have a clause saying “Don’t elect Ron Paul! He’s a kook!”). The other questions would be if we throw Hillary out of office soon after electing her, does that count as a term? I.e., can we keep electing her over and over and impeaching her each time so long as she doesn’t serve two full terms? It would be like Lucy with the football (“Come on Hillary. This time we won’t impeach you. We promise… Ha! Impeached!”).
These are significant Constitutional questions. We should get to the bottom of them.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

Fred Thompson was initially confused by conservatives’ opposition to “the Fairness Doctrine” since that’s the name of one of his guns.