Message Received

Apparently I was mistaken to assume that an absence of comments on lolterizt! posts indicated widespread reader apathy.
The feature stays.
And to clarify a point, it wasn’t due to lack of material or reader submissions. I’ll cheerfully make a pile of my own every week, even if no one else joins the fun. I just honestly thought nobody cared any more.
As to what to leave in the comments, well, as with all list-type humor, it’s ALWAYS acceptable to quote the item in question and follow it with some internet acronym indicating amusement.
For example:

“Dustbunneh”
ROTFLMAOTNTPMP!!!!1!

It’s ALSO acceptable (and, in fact, encouraged) to leave such comments even if someone else has already left a comment about the same item.
If there’s a blogger in existence who ever got too much positive feedback, I’ve never met him, and he sure as hell isn’t me, either.
Note to Fiftycal – subtitles I can do. These pictures have an “alt text” tag on them, so if you’re using Internet Explorer, you can hover your mouse over them and a little box will appear with words in it (it defaults to the picture’s file name, but I can make it whatever I want). I’ll try including a translation for the leet-speak impaired in the alt text in future editions.
If the mouse-hover thing isn’t working, then right-click on the picture and choose “Properties”. The Alternate Text should be listed in the box that pops up.

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgJohn Edwards habitually winces after turning on a light. Those photons HURT!

The Abomination of American Imperialism
An Editorial by Harvey

The venerable Archbishop of Canterbury has criticized America’s imperialism, saying that the United States wields its power in a way that is worse than Britain during its imperial heyday.
I find myself agreeing with him.
Britain TOTALLY kicked ass at imperialism! They had subject nations all around the globe. Back when England actually owned a set of bollocks, billions of primitive brown & yellow peoples learned to speak English, dress in suits, and drink tea instead of cow urine.
Ok, so that last one wasn’t necessarily a step up, but I think I make my point. England RULED! They were naming entire races of people “Indians” and subjugating the crap out of them centuries before the first Kennedy crashed his Oldsmobile into Plymouth Rock.

“The only Iraqis who should have inky fingers are the indentured servants in American-owned Iraqi newspaper factories,”

And speaking of Kennedys, judging by Ted, we’re doing an unconscionably poor job of starving the Irish, too.
How have we fallen so far? Our heritage is rooted deeply in the tyrannical stock of our jackbooted British ancestors, yet when Americans crusade across the ocean to liberate their little brown brothers… they actually liberate the PEOPLE! What incompetence! First you liberate their land, their cattle, their gold,… and a few of the comlier wenches (strictly for purposes of pleasure, mind you, not to actually – heaven forbid – breed with the filthy savages), THEN you start getting around to tossing out a bone or two of political liberty. IF they can prove their worth through prolonged armed resistance.
Or dressing in diapers & letting themselves be clubbed into bloody pulp. Either one.
Yet what have we so-called “imperialist” Americans accomplished in Iraq? NOTHING! The Iraqis can vote! They can own property! They don’t even have to bow and avert their eyes when an American walks by! Why, the arrogant sand-mongrels aren’t even possessed of sufficient decency or gratitude to make English their country’s official language – AND WE’RE NOT FORCING THE BASTARDS TO DO IT!
That whirring sound you hear is Queen Victoria spinning in her grave at around the same speed as a NASCAR motor at redline.
And those post election-pictures coming out of Iraq, showing people celebrating their political freedom by holding up their freshly-inked fingers – Digusting! Horrid! Blasphemy against the very notion of imperialism itself! The only Iraqis who should have inky fingers are the indentured servants in American-owned Iraqi newspaper factories, which should DAMN well only print headlines like “American Benevolence Cheered by Unworthy Yet Devotedly Loyal Middle Eastern Slave Scum”.
I take no joy in writing these words, but America’s attempts at imperialism are so half-hearted, so feeble, so stupefyingly inept, that we might as well hoist le Tricolore, print all our legal documents in French, and subjugate ourselves to our superiors in Paris.

Maybe being forced under penalty of death to drink their lighter-fluid-flavored wines and laugh at Jerry Lewis movies will teach us how an empire is SUPPOSED to be run.

Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Ronald McDonald: America’s Archbishop” and “Bootlicking & Genuflection: An Iranian Survival Guide for the Coming Invasion”.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

Fred Thompson opens up whupass in lot sizes no smaller than a gross at a time.

Jumped the Shark, Did It?

Judging by the complete absence of comments on #25 and the dearth of recent reader submissions, I’m guessing it’s time to pull the plug on the lolterizt! series.
You guys want one last one, or have you had enough?