Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgHow the media quoted John Edwards:
“You know, I believe in Santa Claus. I believe in the tooth fairy.”
What he actually said:
“You know, I believe in men in love. I believe I’m, in truth, a fairy.”
[Hat tip: Kyle]
Bonus Fact from Jim:
Victoria’s Secret? Johnnie’s pantie size.

New Fred Thompson Ad

I think it would be better if it ended with him ripping the head off a terrorist with the spine still attached, but this is still pretty good.

Still Behind

<

object classid=”clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000″
codebase=”http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,0,0″
WIDTH=”400″
HEIGHT=”300″
id=”gauge”
ALIGN=””>

<embed src=”http://soldiersangels.org/gauge.swf?stage_width=400&stage_height=300&xml_source=http://soldiersangels.org/therm.php%3Ftime%3D0.26440600+1128349620″
quality=”high’
bgcolor=”#630303″
WIDTH=”400″
HEIGHT=”300″
NAME=”gauge”
ALIGN=””
TYPE=”application/x-shockwave-flash”
PLUGINSPAGE=”http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer”/>

The Marines are still behind the Army. Of course, the Navy is in last place. No one likes them. They have to call on Aquaman half the time to get anything done.

You like the Marines killing people, don’t you? Then donate to Valour-IT in their name to show you support their killing of evil foreigners (and foreigners who just aren’t nice enough).

Ronin Profile: No One of Consequence

No One of Consequence

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s No One of Consequence.


What’s the story behind your name? Picture two men, master swordsmen, in a grand duel. In the course of the battle, one man, a dark-haired Spainard by the name of Inigo Montoya, asks of his opponent “Who are you?”. The other, the mysterious man in black, replies “No one of consequence”.
Where do you live? Minneapolis, MN
How old are you? Do you want that in binary, octal, decimal, hexadecimal, or that weird base 6 crap?
[Who ever uses octal, for that matter. -Ed.]
Tell us briefly about yourself. Let’s see… My wife and I have been married now for 10 years, and have a wonderful little 3-year-old boy. By day, I am a mild-mannered, computery type guy. By night, I battle vampires in a post-apocalyptic war zone.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Not entirely sure. Since before the t-shirt babe contest, but it’s a little hazy beyond that.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? I miss The Limey. Are we still supposed to rage against the machine? ‘Cause my food processor was getting on my nerves the other day…
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Cause For Termination
What’s your favorite political issue? The issue for me that most angries up the blood is personal responsibility (is that a political issue)? I don’t much like being told I’m such an idiot that, not only is someone else responsible for the consequences of the decisions I’ve made, I shouldn’t even be making those decisions (because, of course, my political betters know what is best).
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I maintain two websites. One has pictures of my son, the other my wife’s pottery. Both are woefully out of date, so no links. I tried blogging quite a while back, but that died pretty quick.
Since you’ve had a quote on the sidebar of IMAO for a some time now, doesn’t that make you at least somewhat consequential? hmmmm…short answer, yes with an if… long answer, no with a but…


If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

lolterizt – American Aiders & Abettors Edition

Gonna try something.
I’ve noticed that some people can’t resist doing lolterizt! captions to Americans with questionable patriotism.
What the hell. Let’s run with it.
Put a lolterizt!-style caption on a picture of some American who – through word or deed – has made life easier for the terrorist POS’s that are trying to kill us all.
Please note, the caption need not mention terrorism. We’re just generally mocking the photos of the self-serving/stupid/evil people that are making this war harder for the good guys to win.
E-mail your picture to lolterizt-at-gmail.com by 6pm EST, Monday, November 12th, and I’ll post the entries on Tuesday.
Remember to include the name or pseudonym under which you’d like to receive credit for your entry, and your blog/website URL, if applicable.
DISCLAIMER – As usual, I reserve the right to reject any entry that’s unsuitably crude (by IMAO standards) or despairingly unfunny.

lolterizt! Part 22

Once again, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.


brain on islam.jpg
dont point that.jpg
invisible wiimote.jpg
islamic guns kill.jpg
muslim squirrel.jpg
ozzfest.jpg
shaft.jpg


From badmartin:
college protest.JPG
From Shoutingboy (not technically a terrorist, but she’s done plenty of work for their side, so I’ll toss it in):
LOL hillary.jpg
[reference link]
Three from Erik Wit:
terrorist car.JPG
fashion.JPG
bomb costume.JPG


PRODUCTION NOTE: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

R for Ronulans

Wow. 4.2 million in one day. Let that be a lesson for politicians: You can have a huge online presence if you just get the insane conspiracy theorists, neo-Nazis, and other assembled losers energized by your candidacy.
Still, that won’t be enough money to cover up that Ron Paul is a crank supported by people who make the Heaven’s Gate cult look rational, and I wonder if all the donors are going to have a bit of buyers remorse when they think of what a rocking Star Trek convention $4.2 million could fund.
UPDATE:
Another Wired article on Ronulan shenanigans. Expect more freaking out from them.

In My World: Reporters Never Understand

“Hello reporters and other malcontents,” President Bush said to the people assembled on the field. “I have gathered you here to witness the defining moment of my presidency.”
“I thought that was Iraq,” one reporter said.
“No, that was to distract everyone from this which is much more awesome. This is–”

“It’s like man first landing on the moon and then doing an awesome guitar solo!”

“We’re out in a field,” another reporter said.
“Yes, that so you can get a better view of–”
“It’s cold and windy here.”
“Shut up!” Bush shouted. “You wonder why people hate you? This is why! Now listen; this is important. Anyway, here it is: The greatest accomplishment of my presidency. Look up in the sky.”
“Is that a small moon?” said one curious reporter.
“That’s no moon!” exclaimed another. “That’s a space station!”
“That’s right!” Bush smiled. “I built myself a freak’n Death Star!”
The reporters gasped in astonishment. Finally, one asked, “So what’s it do?”
Bush rolled his eyes. “It blows up planets! How do you not know that? You guys are idiots.”
“Are you going to blow up the earth?”
“No! That’s where I keep my stuff. It’s for blowing up other planets.”
All the reporters were silent for a while. “Why?”
Bush threw his hands in the air. “I swear, you guys ask the dumbest questions! Do you not understand this? I have a Death Star! This is like the greatest event ever! It’s like man first landing on the moon and then doing an awesome guitar solo! Ask some good questions for once!”
“Is is carbon neutral?”
“Gah! Who cares?! It can destroy environments in a single shot! How do you not understand how awesome this is?!!”
“Can we see it blow up a planet?”
“Finally. A decent question,” Bush said. “I’m afraid the answer is no, though. I was going to have it blow up Venus since that’s closest and we don’t use it for anything, but it ends up it hard to move the thing. I thought it would be easy since in space everything is weightless, but it ends up it still has that other thing… uh… mass. Anyway, just know it can blow up planets and we’re working on how to move it to other planets to blow them up. Next question.”
All the reporters were silent for a few seconds until one finally raised his hand. “Again, why?”
Bush sighed. “It’s a Death Star! America now has a Death Star! That’s why! We can blow up planets, which makes us the most powerful force in the universe… that we know of. How are you people not grasping this?”
“Well… can we go up and see it?”
“No. Space travel is expensive. Also, if we let you guys up there, I bet the New York Times reporter is going to de-power the tractor beam to let terrorists escape.”
“There are terrorists in space?”
“Not at present… but eventually… there could be.”
“So who is up there in it?”
“Mexicans. It’s not like we had a bunch of Geonosians to build it, so that’s why I fought for relaxed immigration control: So I’d have enough Mexicans to build my Death Star. We said we’d ship them down afterwards, but it actually wasn’t in the budget. Now they’re threatening to take over the Death Star blow up earth if I don’t ship them more burritos, but I think they’re bluffing.” Bush’s phone rang. “Ooh. I got to take this.” He answered his phone. “Hey, Dick. So how did dissolving the Senate go? …No, they won’t get to keep their pensions. You don’t pay out pensions after you dissolve something… They can’t refuse to leave! Don’t they know I have a Death Star?!” Bush sighed as he hung up the phone. “So, anymore questions?”
After a moment, one reporter ventured, “Well… um… uh… why?”
Bush groaned. “Why are you people making this complicated? It’s a Death Star. I know everyone watching this at home understand this. You reporters are the only ones not getting it. You are out of touch and that’s why everyone hates you. Every time you people broadcast I can hear millions of voices suddenly cry out in terror and are then suddenly silenced as they turn you off. You all are horrible human beings. How are you not getting this?”
Everyone was silent for a while. “So what are we waiting for?”
“For another planet to attack.”

Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths

The chest bursting scene from Alien is based on the delivery of the infant Hillary Rodham.

Writers Strike

I was just wondering what everyone thinks about the writer’s strike. I’m usually anti-union, but for some reason I just assume the writers are getting screwed by the studios. There’s a lot of good TV shows out there right now (it seems to have better stuff than movies these days), and I think the writers deserve good money. Stupid actors usually get all the credit.
IGN has a good break down of the important thing: How this strike will affect us. Basically, topical written shows like the Tonight Show and the Daily Show are already shut down. Next will be soap operas, then sitcoms which usually have lots of rewrites while filming. After that will be the dramas and finally movies. Last to be affected will be blogs that write about TV. There are some exceptions for particular shows (24 may not air at all in January, animated shows have a long time between script and production so they’ll take longer to be affected, and South Park, the only topical animated show, is — surprise surprise — non-union).
Apparently there was a similar strike back in 1988, but I don’t remember that (I was nine). Anyone know what happened there?
Hopefully political speech writers aren’t union, because we got a preview of what would happen if they go on strike with Hillary in the last debate.
So what do you think?

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

The best way to save the planet is to make sure it never gets in the way of Fred Thompson.