Warrior Poet

I forget if I ever linked to this guy when I first saw him on the net, but this Marine warrior poet had an interview on FOX News today. Instead of getting a recording contract, he’s reenlisting. A great way to end the extended Veterans Day weekend:

While we’re talking about the Marines, you’re running out of time to show your support to them and help wounded servicemen from all the branches:

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The fundraising contest ends today, so please donate!

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgJohn Edwards hates it when women try to cut in while he’s dancing with his buddies.

Clinton Campaign Feels Impact of Writers’ Strike

Newton, IOWA (AP) Staffers working for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign are concerned that the recent writers’ strike may affect their ability to plant softball questions among sympathetic audience members.

“That’s easy! My name is Hillary, I seek the presidency, and my favorite color is blue.”

“It’s hard enough making a soulless demon-woman like Hillary appear likeable even under ideal conditions,” said Mark Daley, Clinton’s Iowa Communications Director. “Easy questions like ‘what will you do to stop global warming?’ give her a chance to dig out from under her natural unlikability.”
For months, Clinton has relied on the subtle touch of professional writers for the questions that made her appear less like an unnatural baby-eating monster, but with this resource no longer available, she’s recently placed her fate in less secure hands.
“We’ve started using Kos Diarists,” said Daley. “They’re not as good, but they’re willing to work for the prestige and the occasional Krispy Kreme. Unfortunately, their output is a little more… obvious. We’re having to use things like ‘I don’t pay my fair share of taxes. How will you correct this injustice?’ and ‘With your difficult and busy campaign schedule, how do you find time to keep your cleavage so fresh and perky?’. Still, you have to campaign with the planted questions you have, not the planted questions you might want or wish to have at a later time.”
Markos Moulitsas Zúniga, founder of the Daily Kos, objected to Daley’s disparaging evaluation. “My website represents mainstream America’s mainstreamest thoughts. If we decide to ask Hillary “Why are you so great and how may we best worship you?’, then that’s obviously a question that America wants answered.”

Elect Cave Troll for President
An Editorial by Cave Troll

 Many uneasy of electing evil, hideous, inhuman beast, which is why cave troll offers himself as alternative to Hillary in Democratic primary. While cave troll can not honestly claim to care about puny humans, he promise only to kill them if hungry. Will you get a similar promise from Hillary? Do not make cave troll laugh! Seriously, that causes cave ins.

“Cave troll not only give opinions. Cave troll also offer solutions.”

 Cave troll has long accomplished record of guarding cave (it’s not like me claim experience for being married to one who guards cave). I smash many human and tiny hobbits. I bring this direct problem solving to the presidency. Unlike Hillary, cave troll will tell you exactly what he thinks on issues. Like torture: Cave troll against torture. Torture too complex for cave troll’s giant hands. Cave troll only like to smash and make dead. And if you ask cave troll about drivers license for illegal immigrants, cave troll will not dodge question. Cave troll smash!

 Cave troll not only give opinions. Cave troll also offer solutions. Here is cave troll’s solutions for important issues:
* Tax Cuts for Rich: Cave troll smash with club!
* Illegal Wiretaps: Cave troll smash with fist!
* Social Security: Cave troll smash with war hammer! (but leave benefits for seniors and those about to retire unaffected; cave troll not stupid)
* Homelessness: Me eat homeless!
* Racism: Cave troll stomp!
* Illegal Immigration: Unsolvable.

 You should also know that cave troll was always against invading Iraq. Why does Iraq have to do with cave troll’s cave? Nothing, so it of not importance to cave troll. Great wisdom there. If you elect cave troll, you know troops will come home soon. They will have to so they can fight cave troll! Graaah!

 If you look at issues, you will see that cave troll obvious better choice for president than monstrous Hillary. Me hope you consider voting for cave troll in Democratic primary and bring Democratic party back to its roots. And, though me eat humans, know that afterwards I always leave tip.
Cave troll is a cave troll.

Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths

Confused by what a soul food restaurant is, when asked for her order at one Hillary replied, “I’ll swallow your soul!” She did not leave a tip.

A Winner Supported by a Giant Gaggle of Losers

Got this as a late comment to a post about Ron Paul, and I thought I’d share. It was posted under the name “Ronald Reagan”:

I like Ron Paul. He is a Vetean, and he will be a fine President.
I really do not understand why you would want to elect Hillary with all those loser Candidates.
Vote Ron Paul. He is the winner among us.

From context, I assume a Vetean is either a type of benevolent space alien or a member of a mystical suborder of the high elves.

Last Day

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Funding raising for Valour-IT hasn’t gone as well as previous years — probably because of something I did — but you can still help the Marine Corps maintain their lead over the other branches (and help reach the goal of $100,000 for all four branches combined). Please consider giving some money to the cause. Our wounded troops have sacrificed a lot, and its our duty as citizens to do what we can.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

Fred Thompson once took out an entire swarm of bees with a pair of chopsticks.

lolterizt – American Aiders & Abettors Edition – Last Call

Still a few hours left.
Put a lolterizt!-style caption on a picture of some American who – through word or deed – has made life easier for the terrorist POS’s that are trying to kill us all.
Please note, the caption need not mention terrorism. We’re just generally mocking the photos of the self-serving/stupid/evil people that are making this war harder for the good guys to win.
E-mail your picture to lolterizt-at-gmail.com by 6pm EST, Monday, November 12th, and I’ll post the entries on Tuesday.
Remember to include the name or pseudonym under which you’d like to receive credit for your entry, and your blog/website URL, if applicable.
DISCLAIMER – As usual, I reserve the right to reject any entry that’s unsuitably crude (by IMAO standards) or despairingly unfunny.