Newton, IOWA (AP) Staffers working for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign are concerned that the recent writers’ strike may affect their ability to plant softball questions among sympathetic audience members.
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“It’s hard enough making a soulless demon-woman like Hillary appear likeable even under ideal conditions,” said Mark Daley, Clinton’s Iowa Communications Director. “Easy questions like ‘what will you do to stop global warming?’ give her a chance to dig out from under her natural unlikability.”
For months, Clinton has relied on the subtle touch of professional writers for the questions that made her appear less like an unnatural baby-eating monster, but with this resource no longer available, she’s recently placed her fate in less secure hands.
“We’ve started using Kos Diarists,” said Daley. “They’re not as good, but they’re willing to work for the prestige and the occasional Krispy Kreme. Unfortunately, their output is a little more… obvious. We’re having to use things like ‘I don’t pay my fair share of taxes. How will you correct this injustice?’ and ‘With your difficult and busy campaign schedule, how do you find time to keep your cleavage so fresh and perky?’. Still, you have to campaign with the planted questions you have, not the planted questions you might want or wish to have at a later time.”
Markos Moulitsas Zúniga, founder of the Daily Kos, objected to Daley’s disparaging evaluation. “My website represents mainstream America’s mainstreamest thoughts. If we decide to ask Hillary “Why are you so great and how may we best worship you?’, then that’s obviously a question that America wants answered.”
Y’know, she almost looks human in that photo…
“…cleavage so fresh and perky?” Be careful. After her augmentation surgery, she found that ledge perfect for weapons storage.
You can’t make this stuff up!
Also, Giuliani’s getting the edge among well-paid women executives:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB119482121812189433.html?mod=hpp_us_editors_picks
Have a great Veterans Day – never forget those who served!
http://ugv.abcnews.go.com/player.aspx?id=1071256
look, she can knock down american flags with her evil eye laser beams
Gaaaaahhhhhhhh!! That mental image so hideous, I’m gonna be scarred for life.
“That’s easy! My name is Hillary, I seek the presidency, and my favorite color is blue.”
“No! Yel – AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!”
(Cue cackling laughter from The Old Man from Scene 24)
I know this sounds like a liberal, Harvey, but it’s YOUR fault I keep spitting Dr. Pepper on my monitor. How can I be to blame?
You post, I read; I spew, YOU pay! Seems fair by liberal standards. Nice job!
Cave Troll not need writers. Cave Troll write own material.
Q: Why Hillary so stupid?
A: She not get out of way when Cave Troll crush her with big rock!
You laugh with Cave Troll now! You laugh AT Cave Troll, Cave Troll crush YOU with big rock!
This message approved by Cave Troll For President 2008. Original message can be found carved in cave of Cave Troll with bone of last human pretending to be Cave Troll!
When asked about the incident, the Clinton campaign was at a loss for comment. However, an average citizen who just happened to be standing nearby asked Senator Clinton if she thought it was fair that life’s lottery had not granted him free health insurance, to which Ms. Clinton quickly offered a spontaneous, thoughtful and insightful answer in commanding fashion.
Are you entirely sure this falls under the classification of Newsish Fakery?
“Mainstreamest.” Nice. Have you thought about using “mainstreamiest?”
“look, she can knock down american flags with her evil eye laser beams”
And she was in WATERLOO, Iowa. Nice.
“Y’know, she almost looks human in that photo…” (#1)
Alan, I think Harvey has the hots for her.
You know how people online oft type LOL but we all know that they were only mildly amused?
Well I want to tell you that when I read this article I laughed so hard that I teared up.
Well done…well done indeed!
Dang you to heck, Mad Insomniac!!
beat me to it.