Many uneasy of electing evil, hideous, inhuman beast, which is why cave troll offers himself as alternative to Hillary in Democratic primary. While cave troll can not honestly claim to care about puny humans, he promise only to kill them if hungry. Will you get a similar promise from Hillary? Do not make cave troll laugh! Seriously, that causes cave ins.
Cave troll has long accomplished record of guarding cave (it’s not like me claim experience for being married to one who guards cave). I smash many human and tiny hobbits. I bring this direct problem solving to the presidency. Unlike Hillary, cave troll will tell you exactly what he thinks on issues. Like torture: Cave troll against torture. Torture too complex for cave troll’s giant hands. Cave troll only like to smash and make dead. And if you ask cave troll about drivers license for illegal immigrants, cave troll will not dodge question. Cave troll smash!
Cave troll not only give opinions. Cave troll also offer solutions. Here is cave troll’s solutions for important issues:
* Tax Cuts for Rich: Cave troll smash with club!
* Illegal Wiretaps: Cave troll smash with fist!
* Social Security: Cave troll smash with war hammer! (but leave benefits for seniors and those about to retire unaffected; cave troll not stupid)
* Homelessness: Me eat homeless!
* Racism: Cave troll stomp!
* Illegal Immigration: Unsolvable.
You should also know that cave troll was always against invading Iraq. Why does Iraq have to do with cave troll’s cave? Nothing, so it of not importance to cave troll. Great wisdom there. If you elect cave troll, you know troops will come home soon. They will have to so they can fight cave troll! Graaah!
If you look at issues, you will see that cave troll obvious better choice for president than monstrous Hillary. Me hope you consider voting for cave troll in Democratic primary and bring Democratic party back to its roots. And, though me eat humans, know that afterwards I always leave tip.
Cave troll is a cave troll.
Brilliant!!!! I would follow you to Guyana and mix the koolaid for you.
Frankly, his positions are indistinguishable from the Green Party candidate, The Hulk…
I like his credentials: Cave troll is a cave troll.
if forced to vote Democrat, i would definitely vote ‘cave troll’.
who would the vp candidate be? Balrog? or Saruman? well, either one would be less evil than Hillary.
I would like to see a “debate” between Hilary, Cave Troll, and The Demoncrat. I wonder who would win.
Where is the FEC disclaimer “I am Cave Troll and I approve of this message.”?!?!
Cave Troll may be a plant for Ron Paul….
I have to admit cave troll has his appeal.
I was with you until Iraq.
There are many humans in the current war that deserve to be eaten – can’t we come to a compromise?
I think Cave Troll’s running mate has to be the Rancor.
“Cave troll not only give opinions. Cave troll also offer solutions. Here is cave troll’s solutions for important issues:
* Tax Cuts for Rich: Cave troll smash with club!
* Illegal Wiretaps: Cave troll smash with fist!
* Social Security: Cave troll smash with war hammer! (but leave benefits for seniors and those about to retire unaffected; cave troll not stupid)
* Homelessness: Me eat homeless!
* Racism: Cave troll stomp!
* Illegal Immigration: Unsolvable.”
This would make a decent t-shirt. I wouldn’t buy or wear one, but just sayin’.
“* Illegal Immigration: Unsolvable.” Nah, Cave Troll stomp on illegals and feed to baby trolls.
You forgot…
Hillary scare cave troll.
The sad thing is, I would actually choose that platform over Hillary’s.
And I second McBain’s t-shirt request. Once I get enough money to buy t-shirts from here, that would quite possibly be the third on my list.
Cave Troll not use club or war hammer. Cave Troll use big rock! Foolish human trying to discredit Cave Troll! Cave Troll will crush imposter human with big rock!!!
Cave Troll not oppose war in Iraq. Cave Troll love to smash Satan-worshippers with big rock! Saddam try to hide in Cave Troll’s cave in Iraq (Cave Troll own many properties around world, mostly caves). Cave Troll crush Saddam with big rock! Trial and hanging were of Saddam double.
Please consider making donation to my campaign, and in return I send you personally-autographed stalactite.
This message approved by Cave Troll For President 2008. Original message can be found carved in cave of Cave Troll with bone of last human pretending to be Cave Troll!
http://www.CaveTroll2008.com
Hate to be a party pooper, but this sounds an awful lot like an editorial by “Senator Gronk” that ran in The Onion a couple of years ago. Still, the idea of voting for this thing instead of Hillary Rotten Clinton has its appeal.
Is there any truth to the rumor that Bill Clinton has been spending time with Cave Troll…something about a stain on the blue moss? I’m not merely suggesting that because Cave Troll is clearly his type, the rumor has been floating around.
Finally, a Democrat I can vote for if Ron Paul is nominated.
Guns don’t kill people,
Cave Trool kill people.
Cave Troll not Democrat! Cave Troll crush Democrats and other terrorists with big rock!
And only stain on cave moss would be blood and organs from Bill Clinton being crushed with big rock. Cave Troll not swing that way. Now, Cave Troll has heard stories about Bill Clinton and Ron Paul….
Seems like Cave Troll & Ah-nuld are pretty close to their solutions, though Mr. Troll does not belittle the questions or problems by calling them “puny.”
I love when my Tolkien geekery and right-wingedness get a chance to collide!
Why does Cave Troll not support Iraq. I would think an Eisenhower like “I will go to Iraq… and eat terrorists” will serve you better. I understand they taste like pork. Also, you have yet to answer question pertaining to the invasion of Moria that happened under your watch. A group of Humans, Dwarves, Elves and Hobbits managed to penetrate into the heart of your mines undetected. Even when they were detected all but one managed to escape while vandalizing the place on the way out. How do you explain this and why do you think we should trust America with you if this sort of thing happens on your watch?
What all this geek stuff? Cave Troll not geek. Cave Troll watch “The Office” and learn much from Dwight Schrute, but not understand geek references. Are you Ron Paul supporter? Cave Troll crush Ron Paul supporters with big rock!
I’m all onboard for this. I volunteer to be a troll bot and google Cave Trolls name and stay idiotically on message regardless of what’s being said.
Chuck, as volunteer you will receive commemorative big rock. Once Cave Troll find freight company willing to ship big rock, that is.
Cave Troll close to finding imposter so Cave Troll can crush him with big rock. Perhaps after Cave Troll crush imposter, lovely and talented SarahK will accept offer to become First Lady in Cave Troll administration. Cave Troll with big rock and pretty woman with gun will rock world!