In nature, the crocodile promises the Egyptian Plover (or crocodile bird) that it won’t be eaten as long as it does a good job of picking rotting food out of its teeth.
In politics, John Edwards promises working families that his policies will not harm them as long as they vote for him.
Crocodile ’08
Trust Matters

John Edwards’s MySpace gravatar:

[Hat tip to my blogless brother Tom for the image. See also South Park Character Creator]
Bonus Fact from Jim
John Edwards knows his limits:

Rather than by color, John Edwards arranges his tie collection by “glamtasticness”.
Bonus Fact from Silicon Valley Jim
If John Edwards is elected President, he will have the White House moved to the Castro district of San Francisco, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase “seat of government.”

Things John Edwards is hopelessly devoted to:
1) The Democratic Party
2) His wife, Elizabeth
3) The “Grease” soundtrack.

When John Edwards was in kindergarten, he wanted to be either a cowboy or Superman, proving that he’s always been an indecisive waffler on the question of “leather or tights?”.
[collaborative hat tip: Pork & Beans]

30 years ago, John Edwards discovered the wonders of Crisco, and now he won’t use anything else.
For his Mom’s pecan pie recipe.
What did you THINK I was talking about?
Bonus Facts from Jim:
John Edwards knows what it’s like to rough it. One time at band camp, he forgot his favorite brush and was stuck using his backup one for two weeks.
It is a well-known myth that Eskimos have dozens of words for “snow”. It is a little-known fact that John Edwards has dozens of words for “pedicure”.
Bonus Facts from Silicon Valley Jim:
John Edwards is envious of two things about George W. Bush:
1. He’s President of the United States
2. He can twist the lids off jars by himself.

Slurred speech, falling off his barstool, can’t walk a straight line… looks like John Edwards should’ve said “no” to that third Shirley Temple.

There’s now an embarrassing video featuring John Edwards floating around the internet. In several scenes you can CLEARLY see John not wearing any hairspray.

John Edwards’s aerobic workout consists of tying BOTH his shoelaces.
He’s worked himself up to the point now where he can do it without a water break.

Although John has long been a “friend of Dorothy“, he actually prefers his men more like the Scarecrow – brainless and acrobatically flexible.

John Edwards wonders why they’re called “push pins” instead of “shove with all your might until you’re completely drenched in sweat pins”.
Bonus Facts from Chris:
John Edwards never had girlfriends… just ‘fag hags‘
John Edwards has a special device that lowers oxygen levels in his house to keep from getting the bends.

Thanks to his mother’s constant guilt trips, John Edwards uses every last drop of conditioner in the bottle because “there are millions of children with frizzy hair in India”.

John Edwards always keeps a pitcher of water handy to extinguish the spicy burn after a bite of celery.

World’s most lopsided defeats:
1) Napoleon at Waterloo
2) John Edwards at the office pencil sharpener.

John Edwards plan to fight hunger in America? “Let them eat cake”.