Here’s one from 10 years ago today. — The Editors

I know what you’re thinking: “Holy crap! That’s one racist looking baby! Frankly, he has the dead behind the eyes look of sociopath! I just want to shake him and shout, ‘Judge people by the content of their character, not the color of their skin!'”

One of the biggest fears of new parents is that their baby is racist. It’s the number one reason babies are abandoned in dumpsters. And there are a number of signs:

SIGNS YOUR BABY IS RACIST

* Will only drink white milk.

* Cries when you turn up the gangster rap.

* Doesn’t like Spike Lee movies.

* Has no interest in supporting Barack Obama’s health care reform.

If you identify your baby as a racist, make sure to quiet it anytime it tries to make noise as you don’t want to be influenced by its racist babble. Find some sort of lockable cage to put the baby in and isolate it from all other babies (an attic or basement works best). If the baby cries, just respond with a sharp, “Shut up, racist!”

Remember what Smokey the Bear says: “Only you can prevent racist babies… from setting stuff on fire… or something.”

Yes, he was drunk, but the wisdom still stands.