Archive of posts tagged 2008 election

Home stretch

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Barack Obama walked into the room, looking left, then right, then straight ahead.

“Over here, sir,” said the security agent.

Obama looked nervously to each side again, then proceeded in the direction the man indicated.

Taking his seat, he shuffled the papers in front of him as those standing around the table slowly took their seats.

“What’s first?” Obama asked.

“Well, sir, the push in these next few days will be the opinion of the world,” said the man on his left.

“The world? You mean this planet?” Obama asked.

“World opinion, sir. We want to show how much world opinion matters,” the man said.

“Yeah, that’d be a great idea,” Obama said. “Uh-oh. Do we know how the world feels? I mean, have we sent anyone there to find out? And how long would a trip there take? Can we get the information back in time?”

The man paused, his mouth going dry. He licked his lips. “Uh, yes, sir, we’ve already received the results. And the world loves you, sir.”

“Oh, goodie! I’d like to go there one day. To they speak English there? On TV, all the planets speak English. But I don’t know if I can believe everything I see on TV,” Obama said. “Except for infomercials. They’re great. I want a Bowflex. Oh, and one of those Inside-the-Egg Scramblers. Kwanzaa is coming up, you know!”

“Yes, sir. But if we can get back to the polls…”

“Why do we care what the Poles think? Aren’t they stupid? I saw that on TVLand. Archie called Mike a “dumb Polack” and everybody laughed,” Obama said.

“No, sir, we’re talking about opinion polls. The world wants you to be elected president,” the man said.

“Okay, then tell them they’ve got to vote on Tuesday. Tell them I need their support.”

“Um, sir, people from other countries don’t vote in the U.S elections.”

“Well, why not?” Obama asked. “Do you mean that the French, the Italians, the Iranians, the Canadians, the Russians, the Chinamen, the Koreans, the British, the English, the Anglos, none of them get to vote? That’s not fair!”

“Well, we do have several voting in Ohio, so that helps a little,” the man offered.

“Okay then. So, the plan is to tell America that we’ve got foreigners voting for me in the election and they need to vote for me too?” Obama asked. “I like that.”

“Oh, no. No, sir. We don’t mention that to anyone. It’s … um … it’s a secret, sir.”

“Ah. I see. Spies,” Obama said. “Where from? Germany? Lapland? Moldavia? Seton Hall?”

“Um, sure. Anyway, we want to tell America that we can return America to its days of prestige and leadership by electing you,” the man explained.

“Oh, okay. Right. I get it,” said Obama. “We show our leadership by doing what everyone else does. That’s brilliant!”

“Um, yes, sir.”

Obama thought for a minute. “What about Iraq? Can we talk about how bad it is that we went into Iraq?”

“Oh, of course, sir.” The man added, “Iraq is one of our strongest issues. We need to keep hitting about how terrible going into Iraq was. And that we need to get out as soon as possible. Immediately. Or sooner.”

“Yeah,” Obama said. “I bet the Iraq people want me to be president, don’t they?”

The man stuttered, “Uh, uh, we… um, uh, well, um, actually, more Iraqis support McCain.”

“Maybe I need to go to Iraqiland and campaign there,” Obama offered. “I’m sure we could convince them that it’d be better if I won. And call them racist if they don’t support me. That works here. It’d work in Iraqiland, wouldn’t it?”

“Actually, sir, it’s better to just call it ‘Iraq.’ And we probably don’t want to bring up how the Iraqi people really feel. We just need to say we need to leave Iraq,” the man said.

“I got an idea,” Obama said. “Let’s tell them that we’ll not only leave Iraq, but we’ll put it back like we found it. Do we know who was president in Iraq before Bush attacked them? We could find him and put him back in charge. The Iraqis would love that, I’m sure. That way, it’d be just like we never attacked them.”

The man paused for a second before responding. “Let’s just leave that part out, sir.”

“Well, okay,” Obama said. “You know best.”

“Good. Thank you, sir. Time to get back on the campaign trail. You and Michelle have an appearance tonight in Iowa.”

Obama shuddered for a second. “She scares me.”

“Me, too,” the man said. “Me, too.”

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The Fairness Doctrine

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Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) has, for the most part, supported many of the policies of President Bush. Not all the time, but most of the time.

The Obama campaign has used this against McCain in the election. And that’s fair. It’s not as it’s being presented, but still, McCain’s support of many of the President’s policies is a fair issue.

So let’s talk fair.

You’ve heard of the “Fairness Doctrine,” I’m sure. It was generally applied by the “Equal Time” rule, though that in and of itself was not the “Fairness Doctrine.”

However, the “Equal Time” rule that many broadcasters applied was generally good enough to meet FCC policies (the “Fairness Doctrine”). Heck, I even used it once to ask for — and receive — equal time to respond to an editorial on my hometown radio station back in the 1970s.

Either way, it meant that if you presented one side of a controversial argument, you had an obligation to present the other side. Not equal time, but an opposing view nonetheless.

Many on the left want to bring the Fairness Doctrine back. But whether or not it’s brought back isn’t actually the topic.

It’s the general idea of fairness.

Like I said, McCain’s support of the policies of Bush is a fair issue. My own take is that, if George W. Bush and John S. McCain agree on something, it’s probably a good thing. But that’s just me.

Let’s consider what else is fair.

How about … the policies of Barack Obama?

Since he has such a short resumé, you don’t have as much to look at. So, when you look at what’s there, you better look close.

And that’s why Obama’s votes to raise taxes on those making $42K a year is important. It’s not what he’s preaching right now, but it’s what he’s done. I choose to believe what a man has done more that what he says. His votes to raise taxes are fair game.

And, because his record is so small, you have to look closely at all kinds of things to figure out just who this guy is.

As for McCain, I have a friend that used to live in Arizona. She says that well before he came into the national spotlight, he was just like he is today. Like him or hate him, he’s honest and is straight with you, not telling you what he thinks you want to hear, but what he thinks you need to hear.

Obama? He’s saying things that don’t match up to his record.

He’s denied a relationship with Bill Ayers, but that doesn’t match the facts. And that question is fair.

Obama says he doesn’t want to raise your taxes, but he wants to eliminate the Bush tax cuts that will … get this … have the effect of raising your taxes. And that’s a fair topic.

Obama wants to “spread the wealth around” … and that’s socialism, plain and simple. And that’s a fair topic for discussion.

Obama has called the U. S. Constitution a “fundamentally flawed” document. Not a document that contains flaws that can be corrected by amendments, but “fundamentally flawed.” His statements are a fair topic for discussion.

I could go on and on. And probably will. Just not right now.

If anyone wants to institute a “fairness doctrine,” it should begin with a fair look at Barack Obama.

Anyone American who takes a fair look at Barack Obama will be appalled by what he sees.

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Business model

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Hey, I got a great idea for a business model.

Here’s the deal…

  1. All sales personnel will pool their sales … and all bonuses from goals exceeded … into a common pool. This pool will be divided equally between all employees: sales, administrative, maintenance, security, IT, and retirees. This will allow the company to spread the wealth around to all under-achievers.
  2. All lower level wage-earners will pool their wages, including overtime, into the common pool. It will also be divided equally among all employees. This will help those who don’t work overtime to reap the rewards from those who do.
  3. Management will not participate in the pooling of income. Management simply makes and enforces the rules; management does not follow the rules.
  4. To compensate for this, management will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard “for the good of all.”
  5. Employees should be thrilled with these new policies because it’s “good to spread the wealth around.” Those who have underachieved will finally be rewarded; those who have worked hard and had success will feel more “patriotic,” if you will, by knowing that others are benefiting from their hard work.

Okay, this is not an original thought on my part. I stole it from somewhere else. But it’s okay; I’m just spreading the humor around.

Anyway, I don’t see a flaw in this plan. In fact, I’m thinking this could work on a national level.

Any other ideas to improve or expand this plan?

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Ohio announces modified voting schedule

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Ohio has taken the lead in anticipation of the large turnout expected in this year’s presidential election.

It’s a one-page announcement from the Ohio Secretary of State, but here’s the short version:

Those voting Republican will vote on Tuesday. Those voting Democratic will vote Wednesday. Independents and others will vote on Thursday.

Here’s a link to the announcement:
http://www.sos.state.oh.us/SOS/PressReleases/OhioVoting.pdf

Other battleground states are expected to follow Ohio’s lead.

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Obama says take the day off to campaign for him

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Barack Obama says he wants his supporters to take the day off work to campaign for him on election day:

Can you take next Tuesday off from work, join the final push, and make sure that everyone who supports Barack turns out to vote?

That got me to thinking…

If none of the Obama supporters showed up for work on November 4th, would anyone really notice?

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Spread the wealth around

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“Spread the wealth around.”

That’s Barack Obama’s plan. But it’s not a new plan. There are many, many ways to spread the wealth around.

Karl Marx
From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

Don Corleone
I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.

50 cent
It ain’t easy to make money, so now everybody wanna take money…

Obama and Joe The Plumber
I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they’ve got a chance at success, too. I think when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.

Now, what’s the difference in these plans?

Well, if it’s your wealth that somebody takes to spread around to someone else … nothing. No difference at all.

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Just look at the community he organized

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During this election season, some of us on the right have asked about Barack Obama, “Just what does a community organizer do?”

And we’ve been criticized as “racist” for asking such a thing.

Well, I for one, no longer need to ask what a community organizer does.

It’s obvious that he makes a difference in his community.

And what was Barack Obama’s community?

Chicago.

You’ve heard of Chicago, right? The murder capital of the United States.

Just think: as President, Obama can do for your community what he did for Chicago.

“Change We Need?” My big ol’ butt.

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Socialist

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“From each according to his ability to each according to his need.”

The words of Karl Marx.

And the meaning of the words of Barack Obama:

“Spread the wealth around,” he said.

“Spread the wealth around?”

Take your wealth (“from each according to his ability”) and spread it around (“to each according to his need”).

Way to go, Obama. Karl Marx would be proud.

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Hitler, Stalin, Chavez: Negroes one and all

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It’s amazing what you can find out by reading columns by liberals.

For instance, I read a column by Lewis W. Diuguid, a columnist for the Kansas City Star. He wrote a piece recently where he said that “socialist” is “code word for black.”

Imagine that.

“Socialist” means “Black.”

Which means that Adolf Hitler, former leader of Germany’s National Socialist German Worker’s (Nazi) Party was Black.

And Joseph Stalin, former leader of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was Black.

And Hugo Chavez, leader of the Partido Socialista Unido de Venezuela (United Socialist Party of Venezuela), is Black.

And Barack Obama, the socialist who is the Democratic Party nominee for President of the United States, is Black. Oh, wait. That I knew.

Still, somebody needs to recall a bunch of history textbooks and fix those pictures.

Thank you, Mr. Diuguid, for setting us all straight.

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Fish Heads

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Remember the song Fish Heads?

Sure you do:

But… there are a couple of things about Fish Heads you might not know.

One is who Barnes and Barnes, the credited artist of the song, really is. They are Robert Haimer and Bill Mumy, two childhood friends. And, if the name Bill Mumy seems familiar, well, it should. That is the same Bill Mumy that appeared on Lost In Space. Yes, he played Will Robinson.

The other thing about fish heads you might not know? They seem to be eligible to vote in Illinois, Barack Obama’s home state.

Yes, a dead goldfish was sent voter’s registration information.

My favorite line in the story?

“There was no fraud involved,” said Nudelman, a Democrat who supports Barack Obama. “This person is a dead fish.”

Just like Barack Obama.

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There’s a test coming up

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According to someone who the Democrats consider an expert on foreign policy, there’s a test coming up.

Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE) told a group of supporters that if Obama’s elected, a major international crisis will develop:

“Mark my words,” the Democratic vice presidential nominee warned at the second of his two Seattle fundraisers Sunday. “It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We’re about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here if you don’t remember anything else I said. Watch, we’re gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.”

Madeline Albright agrees:

The amazing thing is, those of us on the right have been saying this for months.

And now, it seems, Joe Biden agrees with us.

But here’s where we differ.

We think that when a crisis hits … when that 3:00 AM phone call comes … there should be somebody in the White House who can respond, and respond decisively.

The left thinks there should be somebody who votes “present.”

Yeah, “present.” That’ll strike fear in the terrorists’ hearts.

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