How Can the Democrats Be Popular Again?
Poll after poll keep showing the Democrats at record low approval. And the Democrats are confused. “We keep kneeing people in the groin, but everyone still doesn’t like us. Maybe we should try urinating on them.” Alan Grayson has even started to go around yelling at people personally (hey, Democrats, come get your Congressman; he’s gotten loose again), but that still hasn’t helped. So here are my ideas to make the Democrats more popular:
FRANK IDEAS TO MAKE DEMOCRATS POPULAR
1. Seppuku
2. Vow of silence
3. Self-immolation
4. Voluntary exile
5. Holding badgers near their face and shaking them
6. Bleach drinking contest
7. Imprisonment
9. Playing in traffic
9. Locking themselves in a building like in Big Brother but don’t film it
10. Choreographed dance number
So, just a few ideas, but the Democrats better getting working on them if they don’t want to get slaughtered in November.
(25 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5)
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April 12th, 2010 at 1:09 pm
Simple.
1) Tell democrat elected officials that The One says school buses full of democrats can fly.
2) Wait for democrats to drive off cliffs to prove their Messiah is right.
3) Applause.
April 12th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
11. Tax cuts!
April 12th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
I am glad class hasn’t started yet. I would have been thrown after after reading about badgers near the face.
April 12th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Those are some outstanding ideas, Frank. I particularly like self-immolation. That’s because it can be done with a nuke if they all have the courtesy to gather in one place. A self nuking. They don’t even have to do it themselves, I’d be more than happy to drop it on them myself. I’m sure there’s no shortage of volunteers here.
April 12th, 2010 at 1:18 pm
Zell Miller was pretty popular by the time he retired. Democrats could take a page from Zell’s book and retire.
April 12th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Eat paint from China
Serve them dog food from China
Put drywall made in China in their homes
April 12th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
12. Go on American Idol…
April 12th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
I’m confused: I always thought that ‘slaughter’ was an abbreviation for “it’s laughter”.
April 12th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Democrat. Noose. Tree.
Some assembly required.
April 12th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Have Democrats show their love of the Kennedys by getting drunk and driving over tall bridges over deep water.
Democrats hide between two giant slices of white bread at Michael Moore’s home. Hilarity results.
Eat at the fast food joint that food poisoned me last week on vacation. The democrats will then really be brainless.
April 12th, 2010 at 2:12 pm
Frank, inasmuch as I hate to question your insights, I think we have to eliminate any idea that requires a successful effort on the part of a Democrat. For example, #1 Seppuku doesn’t work because it presumes that any number of Democrats are capable of actually figguring out how to commit seppuku. So, I’d rule out all but #7.
To see what I mean, Monty Python has prepared this excellent piece about the
TwitDemocrat Competition.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5ba1OKY7Xc
Pay close attention to the final event, “Killing Yourself.”
Proud Infidel is onto something if we can figgur a way to attract all the Democrats into one spot, say by promising a speech about healthcare by the One.
April 12th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Impale selves with free unicorns?
April 12th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
Volunteer at their local gun club – as target holders.
April 12th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Ed Flinn – there aren’t any Zell Millers left in the Democrat Party. They ran them all out. Even a relative squish like Lieberman is unwelcome.
April 12th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
-Remember when Pelosi/Rahm chose Dems who pretended to run as social moderates, pro life, fiscal conservatives, immigration hawks, and military moderates in 2006? That was when they were popular. It took Republicans from 1994-2005 to become heavily corrupted it took Dems 1 month of being in power to show their true colors.
How to make Dems more popular? … Let them get unelected long enough for the people to forget they are 100% lying about their agenda.
How to make Republicans more popular? ..
-purge the corrupt Rino’s like we did in 06 and 08.
-We need a Soros our volunteer media stuff is not at all competitive with the lefts. They are out-manned and outgunned on every front.
-We need to start playing defense in entertainment and academia by covering our own from non-scandals the liberals create.
-Start playing Offense, Liberals have been able to play pure offense and never have to watch their backs for all of living memory.
-We have to start exposing youth to the power of libertarian ideals and the freedom, peace, safety, and prosperity that comes from federalized and constitutionally constrained government.
April 12th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
I loved the list Frank. I would add the following to it:
*Sky diving/base jumping without a parachute
*Electrical outlet testing with their tongues
*Participate in a PETA nude protest in Antarctica (as long as it’s not covered by any media)
*Try to jump the Grand Canyon on a bicycle
*Bathe in battery acid
*Save water by drinking bottle antifreeze instead
*Play with fire
*
FrontalTotal lobotomyApril 12th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
I hope they never, ever, figure it out what it will take to make themselves more popular.
April 12th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
I’m not sure if the whole seppuku idea would work; that goes off the notion that they have guts. May as well assume that shooting themselves in the head would have even a marginal effect on their collective IQ.
April 12th, 2010 at 7:06 pm
Oh, that’s EASY! Just take more money from the evil rich and give it to the unlucky poor without increasing taxes for the middle class! Sheesh!
April 12th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
How about offering free waterproof tests by urinating on biker boots…while the biker is still wearing them?
Full body massages…in prison.
Accepting invitations to appear on any CNN “news” program and every time the host asks a question respond with:
a) That’s a joke right?
b) No! Weren’t you listening?
or c) Gah! You’re such a ‘tard!
Dancing with the Stars.
April 12th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
love it! I smell new tee-shirt!!!
April 13th, 2010 at 7:05 am
Telling the truth.
April 13th, 2010 at 7:11 pm
They could leave, get out, vamoose, hasta later, don’t let the screen door hit them on their way out, depart, go away, or better yet disappear.
Other than that I’ve got nothing.
April 18th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
If Democrats ‘practiced what they preached’, or even ‘preached what they practiced’, at least we’d know what to expect from them.
It might make us vomit, recoil in horror, or fly into an unstoppable hippie-punching frenzy, but at least we’d know what to expect from them.