The Bacon Debate

Posted on December 28, 2012 1:27 pm

Well, I’m not sure there’s a bacon debate going on, but this seems like as good a time as any to start one.

Question: Is bacon a meat, or a condiment?

I don’t think of bacon as a meat. I’ll put bacon on stuff that already has meat in it, but I can’t think of anything I eat where bacon is the primary meat.

Think of a bacon cheeseburger. It’s a cheeseburger with bacon. It’s not a bacon burger with beef.

Even a bacon omelette is simply a cheese omelette with bacon.

Bacon is like icing. I like cake. Cake is good. But cake with icing is better. Bacon is like icing for meat.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I do like bacon. But bacon’s primary purpose in life (death?) is to make other stuff better.

What about you? Where do you stand?

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35 Responses to “The Bacon Debate”

  1. Genghis Khen says:

    To qualify as a condiment, the item cannot stand on its own as a valid consumable. I can eat bacon all on by itself and be perfectly content. I cannot, however, eat frosting as a meal or part of a meal. Same goes for BBQ sauce, salad dressing, and the like. It is similar to oreos. I like them crushed on ice cream, where they would be a topping or ‘condiment’ but they stand perfectly well on their own.

    It is, therefore, incorrect to label bacon as a condiment.

  2. Basil says:

    Somebody should teach you how to eat icing. A very attractive somebody would be best.

  3. Harvey says:

    Bacon is a garnish. It’s like the tasty version of parsley.

  4. Rusty says:

    It’s a meat. While I don’t personally like them, BLT’s are a viable form of food. Especially without the mayo, lettuce, and tomato.

  5. Nate says:

    Bacon sandwich. Buttered toast and bacon. Nothing further needed. And in all cases, I consider whatever food bacon is paired with to merely be a delivery vehicle for the bacon. Cheese burger = Bacon delivery system.

  6. Jimmy says:

    “Where do you stand?”

    “Somebody’s got to take a stand on this, and I’d rather stand on it than eat it.”

    Step AWAY from the bacon!

  7. Jimmy says:

    I’ll stand in line for bacon.

    I’ll stand up for bacon.

    I’ll stand while eating bacon.

  8. CapitalistB says:

    I was getting a little worried here. I don’t think it’s right to ban fully automatic bacon or high capacity bacon magazines. It’s clear that such devices are not designed for the consumption of bacon in mere condiment quantities. However, it’s not right to deprive millions of responsible eaters of their bacon due to a few bacon-related deaths.

  9. Jimmy says:

    Well, you sound like a bacon Capitalist, #8. I bet the “B” stands for “Bacon,” too!

    Also, we must not ban bacon silencers, bacon grenades or bacon tanks! The first amendment to the BOBEB* constitution requires that possession of all forms of bacon delivery systems are the inalienable right of its citizens.

    (*BOBEB = “Brotherhood of Bacon Eating Bastids” with MarcoMancuso as lifetime president. Where is that guy these days?)

  10. Keln says:

    I’m with Nate and Rusty. BLT’s and bacon sandwhiches are good examples. I also eat plates of bacon sometimes with cheese melted on the bacon.

    Maybe it’s best to just say that bacon isn’t merely a meat or garnish or condiment.

    Bacon is everything!

  11. Joe Schmo says:

    C’mon people, back up the train here a little. Bacon is NEITHER a meat or a condiment. This is a red herring question. Bacon is an essential food group. That’s where Basil tripped you all up.

  12. innominatus says:

    >>>I don’t think of bacon as a meat.

    Burn the heretic!

  13. CapitalistB says:

    Jimmy — actually it’s the same ‘B’ as the final of BOBEB and was inspired by Austin Powers II Fat B who had that great line ‘Ahm beagger thean yeaux ahm heagher ein the feauxd chaen year luckee wee mahn!’ It is not to imply at all that Capitalists are always nice people — nor for that matter than Capitalism is a system that requires nice people to work properly.

    I like your bacon weapons and would like to add hollow point bacon. The flavor expands when it hits your taste buds.

  14. Grand Larsen E. says:

    Bacon is a religion. As in GOD, I love bacon! The only reason Muslims are Muslims is they’ve never tried bacon.

  15. DamnCat says:

    Top billing goes to the star of the show – a condiment is not a star – it is a bit player.

    Bacon is a meat that’s why it gets top billing. It’s always called a “bacon cheeseburger”, “bacon & eggs”, “bacon, lettuce, & tomato”.

    If bacon were a condiment it would be called a “cheeseburger with bacon”. Ever heard of a “ketchup cheeseburger”? Of course not – because ketchup is only a condiment it is called a “cheeseburger with ketchup”.

  16. Comrade Chairman Obama says:

    I pity the individual who has not had the pleasure of a meal with bacon as the main event; I believe that’s enough to make one a potential candidate for investigation by the House Un-American Activities Committee.

  17. Comrade Chairman Obama says:

    To answer the question: bacon can be used as a condiment, but it is not “a condiment”. Get it? That’s just rude and disrespectful to bacon.

    Oh….sweet bacon…..my heart is pounding….my mouth is watering….I am filled with insatiable desire, unending, unquenchable, for thy salty, fatty goodness; is there anything upon which thy fatty residue cannot improve?

  18. Peter says:

    In addition to sliced bacon I buy at leas tone three pound box of bacon ends and pieces each month. I then cut it in half and freeze it. Then, twice a month (sometimes more) I fry those bacon ends and pieces some and put them in a big pot of beans or split peas. One and a half pounds of bacon and two pounds of beans. There is usually no other meat added so, this means bacon is meat.

    I will admit that if there is leftover ham, pork or suchlike it can also go in the pot but, seriously, how often is there leftover pork?

  19. Jimmy says:

    CapitalisB, I like your hollow point bacon idea. However, I think we should reserve “full metal bacon” for storage only and “black powder bacon” for the Tea Party.

  20. JAGernaut says:

    Whenever bacon is added to something, whatever it may be, that thing becomes nothing more than a conveyance for getting more bacon into one’s mouth. I call it the “Bacon Linked Transformation” property, or “BLT” for short.

  21. Jimmy says:

    “Don’t fire until you see the whites of their bacon.” -Sir Francis Bacon

  22. arik says:

    Bacon is the Schroedinger’s Cat of pork products: Is the cat alive or dead? Yes. Is bacon a meat or a condiment? Yes, yes it is.

    You might as well as if light is a particle or a wave. Again, yes, yes, a thousand times YES!!!

  23. Grand Larsen E. says:

    By the way, Canadian bacon is NOT bacon, it’s ham. Or a pretty funny bad movie starring John Candy, with the best scene starring Steven Wright.

  24. Editor says:

    There is no reason bacon can’t be both a meat AND a condiment. It is bacon, after all! It’s so good, bacon makes bacon taste better!

  25. CTCompromise says:

    Bacon should have it’s own food category! (Meat, Dairy, Starches, Fruits & Vegetables, and Bacon!!!) It should then be placed at the very top of the “Food Pyramid” because EVERYTHING in EVERY other food category…..tastes better with Bacon !!! ~~~

  26. ∞² says:

    Stupid question. Bacon doesn’t stay around long enough to be classified. Ever open up a fridge and find leftover bacon?

  27. ∞² says:

    CTCompromise: “Bacon should have it’s own food category! (Meat, Dairy, Starches, Fruits & Vegetables, and Bacon!!!)”

    That’s nonsense. Bacon should be removed from the “Meat” category – thus the food groups should be – Bacon, Bacon, Meat, Dairy, Starches, and Fruits & Vegetables.

    Idiot.

  28. CTCompromise says:

    @ 27. ∞²

    You’re saying the same thing I did…Bacon should be removed from all other food group categories-and given it’s own. I DID exclude it from the Meat category…

  29. ∞² says:

    Bacon, Bacon, Meat, Dairy, Starches, and Fruits & Vegetables

    Is not the same as:

    Meat, Dairy, Starches, Fruits & Vegetables, and Bacon

  30. Fly says:

    What’s bacon?

  31. Manolo says:

    Blasphemer!!! Bacon IS the base element of all elements. It’s not a “cheeseburger with bacon.” It’s a “bacon cheeseburger.” The burger and the cheese complement the bacon. It’s not a “Lettuce, tomato and bacon” sandwich. It’s a “Bacon, lettuce and tomato” sandwich. The lettuce and tomato support the bacon. When uranium failed to go critical in the very first nuclear reactors, Enrico Fermi inserted bacon into the pile and… Voila!! NUCLEAR FUSION!! No, sir. Bacon is not a condiment. It is an element. A tasty, tasty element.

  32. Dohtimes says:

    The first rule of Bacon Club: (REDACTED)

    Put another way, bacon has a cookbook and will serve you if you don’t serve bacon.

  33. The Animal says:

    I think we, as a group, should just go ahead and officially proclaim 2013 as The Year of Bacon and have done with it. We have the will, we have the means, we have the numbers. At this point I should jump up on a table and cry “Who’s with me!?!”, but I already know the answer to that.

  34. Jimmy says:

    This was the phoniest debate, ever, Basil.

    :-)

  35. Apostic says:

    Condimeat

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