If Hollywood made this, they’d cast someone wildly inappropriate, like Tom Cruise, and pad it out to two hours with idiotic subplots.
This is some tight storytelling right here.
If Hollywood made this, they’d cast someone wildly inappropriate, like Tom Cruise, and pad it out to two hours with idiotic subplots.
This is some tight storytelling right here.
Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
[High Praise! to Irritable Pundit]
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Can I get a Jim Moran Safety Act to protect women and children from Jim Moran and his son?
— Jimmie (@jimmiebjr) December 20, 2012
Biden, gun violence task force?Ok.But, um, no talk of actually letting him have one, is there?
— Ron Coleman (@RonColeman) December 20, 2012
I hope Hillary Clinton recovers from her bad case of not wanting to testify about Benghazi soon. I lost a Grandma to that. #Caring
— Derek Hunter (@derekahunter) December 20, 2012
According to Science!, the human hand evolved specifically so we can punch each other. A gorilla can’t make a fist good for punching. I mean, a gorilla could grab a hippie and repeatedly slam him into the ground (which would be awesome), but he can’t punch the hippie in his stupid face. So the main thing that separates man from lower animals is the ability to punch hippies.
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
TechnoChitlins [High Praise!] says:
Why Are There So Many Bizarre Names For A Collection Of Animals?
Many of the terms are conspicuously cute like a cowardice of curs or a murder of crows. Others sound cuter than they are meant to be; a school of fish is a corruption of shoal of fish, which is an appropriate image. Some others: A hover of trout, a husk of hares, a labor of moles, an unkindness of ravens, a murmuration of starlings, a knot of toads, a gang of elk, a fall of woodcocks, a rafter of turkeys, a kindle of kittens, a pitying of woodcocks, a crash of rhinos, a congregation of plovers, and a bevy of roebucks.
What do you call a group of liberals?
So “Plan B” didn’t work out, but I’m just having trouble getting pulled into the drama over the debate of exactly how much the government is going to fail to address the problem of the deficit. I remember a few days ago Obama saying he was meeting the Republicans half-way on spending, but the Republicans aren’t even a quarter of the way towards doing anything useful about the deficit. The debate is all in the margins of uselessness, so who cares.
Now, realistically, we should be throwing all these politicians in prison for treason for how they’ve treated our money. This is willing negligence that has weakened our nation, plus they keep acting like our money is there’s to do with as they please. And if we ever want them to stop, there has to be actual punishment to these politicians because they don’t really care as long as they can get reelected. So throw them in prison and confiscate all their wealth to be redistributed to the taxpayers they have hurt.
How do we do this? I don’t know the procedure for passing laws that will be harsh on Congress, because Congress is certainly not going to want to pass them. That’s why I’m running for president in 2016, as I will find a way to make Congress pay for all their crimes. I’ll use executive orders, drone strikes… whatever it takes to get get justice against our politicians. We really need the Congress to be in constant fear of its citizens; there is no safe seat where you can keep bring the voters with taxpayer money because there will be other methods to punish you than just the ballot box because your failure hurts more people than just your one moron district.
When the budget isn’t balanced, that’s treason. You go to jail. Preferably a prison colony in Antarctica.
Frank J. 2016: If the budget isn’t balanced, make sure you own a good winter coat.
[Source: Lisa Benson – GoComics]
Maybe Obama is Santa Claus. Let’s see.
Parents tell children that Santa will bring them stuff. But the parents actually take their hard-earned money and buy the stuff for the children. And the children thank Santa Claus.
Okay, I see the difference. Obama tells his followers that he’s giving them stuff, but we’re paying for it. Santa doesn’t do that, because, well, he’s not real. With Santa, we make up the myth. Obama and his supporters make their myth.
In the whole Santa Claus mythology, we give the stuff one day a year. In the Obama mythology, he gives our stuff every day of the year.
In both cases, people that work for a living pay for the stuff.
I do have one suggestion on how he could even be more like Santa: he could move to the North Pole. I’ll even help him pack.
Just because another religion has a holiday near Christmas doesn’t mean it’s as culturally significant as Christmas.
I know a way to end the controversy: Let’s agree to only torture terrorists.
Exactly how hard do you have to punch someone to make his head explode?
This British guy going on about how Americans shouldn’t have guns seems like one of those Best of the Web “News from 1775” things.
Let’s just go over the cliff; it could be fun. Cliff! Cliff!
If you’re for banning semi-automatic guns, then you’re for a complete ban on guns or have no idea what a semi-automatic is.
The most logical order is year, month, day, b/c when written as a single number (e.g. 20121221), as a computer will automatically sort those dates in order. That will still be true even if the year eventually goes to five digits.
I’m a programmer. These things are very important to me.
BTW, if we could get rid of daylights saving and timezones and all go by Greenwich Mean Time, that would be awesome.
If I owned a gun store, I’d have a sign over the main display saying, “It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this.”
I’d also heavily charge anyone who burnt down my door.
I saw some Mayans walking about today and they looked unconcerned.
You have an option of armed teachers and unarmed teachers. You don’t have the option of unarmed murders versus armed murderers.
Seeing my scores compared to others online is already far too social from how I like my video game experience.
Lesson learned for when we need to rebuild a new government: Give the government an extremely strict budget and rethink the idea of taxes.
In a just world, Nancy Pelosi would be thrown in prison for treason and her assets confiscated and redistributed to taxpayers.
It is not a just world.
If you want to save lives, rather than making it harder to get an assault weapons should you be making it harder to get a driver’s license?
Thought of a great name for a handgun marketed to women: Rape Whistle. Comes with a “I Just Killed a Rapist” whistle.
Ever get tired of getting (or giving) fruitcake at Christmas? Try this variation. It’s called an icebox fruitcake because you must keep it refrigerated. Or, as older generations would say, “in the icebox.” Exactly what an icebox is, we’ll talk about another time. Maybe.
Anyway, here’s a recipe you might enjoy. Seriously.
Ingredients:
Directions:
Keep it refrigerated, if it lasts that long.