Charles Manson. Ted Bundy. Jeffrey Dahmer. O.J. Simpson.
What do all these people all have in common? That’s right; they’re all civilians.
Yet, our military seem to be focused on trying not to kill civilians like they’re all innocent angels or some other nonsense. We’ve even spent billions of dollars on sophisticated weaponry so that we’re less likely to harm civilians. How do we know, though, that we’re not just sparing murderers and pedophiles? We don’t.
Let me talk from my own experience. Once I was playing a shooting game at an arcade. I was doing perfectly well killing everyone who popped up, but suddenly then a “civilian” comes on screen and I shoot him and get penalized. Well, what the hell is some civilian doing in a violent videogame anyway? I don’t know, but what I do know is, because of him, I not only didn’t get to the next level, I got game over.
Game over, man; game over.
It’s even worse for our troops who can’t just put in more quarters (or tokens or cards considering the arcade). They have to be oh so careful to not blow up any orphanages while targeting the weapons depot. That’s just bull. Why can’t little orphan Annie learn to duck and cover so our troops can fire more indiscriminately with less worries to themselves? And why are orphans conspiring with tyrants anyway?
Still, just not caring about shooting civilians is not enough; we need to target them! What is a civilian anyway? Just an unarmed enemy combatant, who, in the words of Clint Eastwood from Unforgiven, “should have armed himself.” What are they doing civilianing around while we’re attacking? Either get out of there or stop being so weepy. And don’t give me the old canard of “I don’t have anywhere else to go,” or “We’re too oppressed to leave.” Lies, all of it. These so called “innocents” are just waiting to attack us later when they get older.
Terrorist Larva
It’s time to take a hard line with these civilians. Our Jew friends, the Israelis, should probably start. Next time there is some rally for terrorists who blew up kindergartners, bomb them all to hell. If someone complains, the Israelis should just say, “We were trying to understand the anger of the terrorists by doing what they do – targeting civilians. And, guess what? It was fun! And we’re much better at it too!”
Of course, we Americans can’t be outdone by the Israelis. Next battle, no more wasting money on expensive targeting systems; just bomb the hell out of everything. I bet if we put our hearts into it, we can set a record for civilians killed. Why, with saturation bombing, nukes, and space lasers, we could end the civilian menace once and for all.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “A Better Living Through Proper Firearm Usage” and “If You’re Reading This, I Better Have Gotten My Royalty Check.”
Wake up in a bad mood Frank? Or has this killing mood be boiling for weeks?
First!
by the way, this pic is so hot: http://imao.us/model/model18.jpg
and this one
http://imao.us/model/model1.jpg
Geeze,
forget about the wrong side of the bed, I think it was the floor this morning.
What a cute little larva-it’s all in the way you raise them you know.
Haha!!!
It’s funny cos its TRUE!!!!
fourth.
That is f***ing hilarious, I needed that to wake up. LOL Thanks!
Which Samurai warlord was it that spared his enemy’s kids…and then caught it later?
rofl, that’s hilarious. some muckadoo’s gonna send you hate mail over that. i especially loved “civilianing around”.
that terrorist larva sure is cute; it must be the upbringing that turns them into civilians. poor chap.
Terrorist Larva
Ha! You’re always funny, Frank, but that was above and beyond.
The importatn lesson for “civilians” is that it is everybody’s job to take out the bad guys. If We havce to come over and do it it’s because teh locals didn’t do their job. Why did they not do their job? Either they are bad guy sympathizers or they are just losers.
ROFLMAO! Frank, that was BRILLIANT! You need to take this war plan straight to the Pentagon.
Michael Moore is a civilian.
That a very editorializing looking picture you got up there Frank. Classy.
Loved the books in the tagline…
“Game over, man; game over.”
Ah the classic Aliens reference. Excellent work!
It Burns!
Terrorist Larva = Orange juice up the nose.
Brass
Other excellent lines that come to mind:
“Easy… ya’ just don’t lead them as much! HA!” Doorgunner Full metal Jacket.
“Good…Bad…I’m the guy with the gun” -Ash in Army of Darkness
I’m at a loss for words.
Excellent Post.
ROFL!
Just when you think satire is dead… It’s satire right.
“What are they doing cilvilianing around while we’re attacking? Either get out of there or stop being so weepy. ”
And yes, that terrorist Larva is really adorable.
Now that i think about it. Those toy guns are just ways to get that child prepared to destroy us.
Be afraid. Very afraid.
Haha excellent post Frank.
By the way, in that picture you look like Brendan Frasier or Jeremy London (either way, they both look the same to me).
HAHAHA! 😀
Do you mean American civilians?
Or terrorist sympathizers?
Or Both?
You have a good idea Frank and a point to this rant (kill or be killed) but I doubt that human rights groups or the u.n. (our other enemies) would let us do so with out raising a stink
Hmmmmm. I think we’re being exposed to a little bit more of the inner workings of Frank J.’s psyche. Velly Eenterestink (Freudian accent there).
Anyway, as a conservative parent I have already instructed my Republican larva on the art of “duck and cover” as any good mother should.
Nice picture btw.
Wow, you guys in the comments sure are pussies.
I’m with you Frank! I’m gonna get me 40 commie civilians today with my friend Mr Colt 45.
IT’S STAB OR BE STABBED.
Where does the BOOT GO? That’s right! IN THE ASS!
Bad Commie, you’re in the comments now too, soooo….meow?
lol spacemonkey.
Frank,
I thought I stumbled upon Planned Parenthood’s website until I saw the T-Shirt babe.
okay, a little off topic, but you’re wearing makeup in that picture, aren’t you Frank!? and did you take that yourself? and if so how? I’ve done some experimenting, it involves mirrors, unfortunately the best mirrors are in my bathrooms and don’t provide very nice backgrounds.
Make up! Yeah, I keep make up on hand.
I just set my digital camera on a step ladder, put it on time-delay, and made a thoughtful pose. Crop it with a perfect square, resample to 100×100, and turn it to grayscale. Volia!
I guess I’m too much of a control freak, or artiste, whatever, Have to see me. Hmmm, I may have to try this though. But, I swear you at least have some blush on. or is it from running away from the camera and posing? Sorry, i’ve been around too many theater people. And where’s my Chomps picture!? huh!? I just slaved over it for like a whole ten minutes! Actually, I saw a t-shirt today that gave me an idea, I’ll see what I can do.
“We were trying to understand the anger of the terrorists by doing what they do – targeting civilians.”
The best argument for the war ever!
Guaranteed to cause an aneurysm in any war protester.
Frank:
Have you been eating the purple Gummi-Bears used to Re-Energize the S.M.I.T.E. Space Laser again???
I’d also hold off doing anyting with that cute Terrorist Lava until it can either read ‘The Anarchist’s Cookbook’ or pick up an AK. By then, it’s already too late for the critter to have discovered a cure for cancer or baldness.
“We were trying to understand the anger of the terrorists by doing what they do – targeting civilians.”
I’m seeing an idea for a really cool T-shirt here