I am leaving tomorrow to visit my family in Idaho for all of next week, and, since I don’t get to see my family often, I’m not going to blog so I’m not focused on that.
But, Friday, July 9th, is my second blogiversary, and I don’t want a bunch of blank pages leading up to “International Link to IMAO Day” where everyone must link to IMAO or be derided and heckled. Thus, I’ve pre-written some posts for next Monday through Friday. There will be a new post on Monday, classic IMAO with commentary and director’s cuts Tuesday through Thursday, and then some new posts for blogiversary on Friday plus a surprise… and I mean a “have a change of underwear handy and keep your heart medication in reach” surprise.
Until then, I really like the idea of doing a non-writing piece; namely a documentary on the left. It would probably be easiest to just collect quotes and pictures and do a flash animation with us doing voiceovers. So, is anyone familiar with doing animation? Any other ideas on how to do a documentary? And who is willing to help in some way? Discuss in the comments. This will be the first Frank J. production, so it should be big!
If I don’t see you before then, have a great Independence Day!
Archive of entries posted on 2nd July 2004
More on Moore
A lot of great questions for Moore. Here are the runners up who each get the privelege of sending me one question for Frank Answers:
ademantis asks:
If the Hostess Corporation doesn’t sponsors terrorists, Mr. Moore, would that would make you singlehandedly responsible for 9/11?
Formerly Frank asks:
Do you want fries with that?
Idler asks:
What is your standard caloric intake on an hourly basis, and does it outstrip the daily intake of say a small village in New Guinea?
Aric asks:
What are you waiting for, the MACH 5?
Skillzy asks:
Mikey, do you think it’ll be hard to eat enough to maintain your current weight level with NO FRICKIN TEETH?
(PUNCH)
jonag asks:
Do you know who Rachel Lucas is??? Well don’t look now but…..
Scott Ward asks:
Are you aware that Fahrenheit 9/11 isn’t quite 1 degree F?
Jen asks:
Are you aware that Sen. Kerry served in Vietnam?
Sumpy asks:
What do you, a 300 pound fat man, have to tell us about the evil of government consumption?
007 asks:
Mr. Moore, if you could eat yourself, would you?
I probably should have put a limit on how many questions an indvidual posts, but I had two people who wrote a number of questions of pure gold. First runner up who gets to send me two questions is:
Cap’n Yoaz who asks:
If God could make a rock as big and as heavy as He wanted, could He make one that would keep you from getting to a chocolate cake?
Have you ever been mistaken for the Kool-Aid guy?
Does your doctor pull out his scientific calculator when he checks your cholesterol?
How many all-you-can-eat buffet restaurants have added “except Michael Moore” to their signs when they saw you approaching them?
Did clowns ever mistakenly tie ropes to you at a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade?
How do Buicks taste?
And the winner who get to ask me three questions for a future Frank Answers™ is:
Maybe Qaddafi Can Count the Chads
Whoever is a part of this should be hung for treason… or stupidity. Hell, hang ’em twice.
Can You Tell Me How to Get…
I heard someone talking about how the voices for characters on Sesame Street have changed, and I just realized how long its been since I’ve ever seen that show. Why, I stopped watching long before that silly Elmo character was all the rage (the schizophrenic Big Bird who hallucinated seeing a wooly mammoth was the most popular character in my day), and, as a result, I’ve started forgetting my alphabet, how to count, and what’s the difference between “near” and “far.” So, anyone with kids seen the show recently? Has it changed a lot since the first half of the eighties where we learned our letters and to hate the Commies? Has it taken a hard stance on the war?
ELMO: What’s a word that starts with K?
BIG BIRD: Kill, such as in “killing our enemy.”
ELMO: Isn’t killing wrong?
BIG BIRD: Not if they deserve to die– which they do!
Is it true the letter ‘Q’ has pulled sponsorship because of the controversy?
I actually remember first watching the show back when I was three-years-old. I missed one show, though, so I knew the number one, two, three, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and ten, but didn’t know about four. Thus, one day I found a number of blocks in front of me that was more than three and less than five and was like, “Holy st! What the fk is this? Fkity fk fk fk; this is blowing my f**king mind!”
And my dad was like, “You be quiet there, boy, or I’ll whup you with the back of me hand more than three times and less than five!”
That’s my dad; always keeping the order.
What was I talking about?
Stuff and… uh… Stuff
I still need to pick the winning questions for Michael Moore, which I’ll do tonight.
Also, how does everyone like my “I’m smart and thoughtful” expression for my editorial today?
There is a bigger announcement… but that will be later today…
UPDATE: I agree with the puppy blender; The Onion should be as funny as me.
UPDATE 2: Ha, I already got my GMAIL account thanks to a SpaceMonkey, losers.
And what do people have against Jags? I was thinking either an S-Type or a Mercedes for my next car – well, if my income suddenly increases in time.
Iraq War Wrong?
It’s important to read the viewpoint of the other side, so check out this blog on why those who think the Iraq War is right are wrong and why those who think the Iraq War is wrong are right. Of course, those who think the Iraq war is right are right, but a diversity of opinion always helps the discussion.
Ronin Thought of the Day
Once again we consult A Book of Five Rings (Go Rin No Sho) written by the greatest samurai warrior, Miyamoto Musashi:
When you decide to attack, keep calm and dash in quickly, forestalling the enemy. Or you can advance seemingly strongly but with a reserved spirit, forestalling him with the reserve.
Alternately, advance with as strong a spirit as possible, and when you reach the enemy move with your feet a little quicker than normal, unsettling him and overwhelming him sharply.
Or, with your spirit calm, attack with a feeling of constantly crushing the enemy, from first to last. The spirit is to win in the depths of the enemy.
These are all Ken No Sen.
Know your Ken No Sen, dude.
We Should Target More Civilians
An Editorial by Frank J.
Charles Manson. Ted Bundy. Jeffrey Dahmer. O.J. Simpson.
What do all these people all have in common? That’s right; they’re all civilians.
Yet, our military seem to be focused on trying not to kill civilians like they’re all innocent angels or some other nonsense. We’ve even spent billions of dollars on sophisticated weaponry so that we’re less likely to harm civilians. How do we know, though, that we’re not just sparing murderers and pedophiles? We don’t.
Let me talk from my own experience. Once I was playing a shooting game at an arcade. I was doing perfectly well killing everyone who popped up, but suddenly then a “civilian” comes on screen and I shoot him and get penalized. Well, what the hell is some civilian doing in a violent videogame anyway? I don’t know, but what I do know is, because of him, I not only didn’t get to the next level, I got game over.
Game over, man; game over.
It’s even worse for our troops who can’t just put in more quarters (or tokens or cards considering the arcade). They have to be oh so careful to not blow up any orphanages while targeting the weapons depot. That’s just bull. Why can’t little orphan Annie learn to duck and cover so our troops can fire more indiscriminately with less worries to themselves? And why are orphans conspiring with tyrants anyway?
Still, just not caring about shooting civilians is not enough; we need to target them! What is a civilian anyway? Just an unarmed enemy combatant, who, in the words of Clint Eastwood from Unforgiven, “should have armed himself.” What are they doing civilianing around while we’re attacking? Either get out of there or stop being so weepy. And don’t give me the old canard of “I don’t have anywhere else to go,” or “We’re too oppressed to leave.” Lies, all of it. These so called “innocents” are just waiting to attack us later when they get older.
Terrorist Larva
It’s time to take a hard line with these civilians. Our Jew friends, the Israelis, should probably start. Next time there is some rally for terrorists who blew up kindergartners, bomb them all to hell. If someone complains, the Israelis should just say, “We were trying to understand the anger of the terrorists by doing what they do – targeting civilians. And, guess what? It was fun! And we’re much better at it too!”
Of course, we Americans can’t be outdone by the Israelis. Next battle, no more wasting money on expensive targeting systems; just bomb the hell out of everything. I bet if we put our hearts into it, we can set a record for civilians killed. Why, with saturation bombing, nukes, and space lasers, we could end the civilian menace once and for all.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “A Better Living Through Proper Firearm Usage” and “If You’re Reading This, I Better Have Gotten My Royalty Check.”