“There should be homosexual marriages!” the judge declared, “Actually, only homosexuals should get married! That’s the mainstream.”
“Then why do polls show most people opposing it?” asked a reporter.
“Because of the majority of the people are out of the mainstream!” the judge yelled. “Also, there should be no mention of God by the government or the public! There should only be mention of me, because I’m more powerful than God! Muh ha ha ha!”
Bush turned off the T.V. “The public is not going to want these radical, liberal judges’ decrees enforced,” President Bush said, “which means I’m going to have to send out federal troops to kill the judges.” He turned to Vice President Cheney. “How do you think that will affect my approval rating?”
“By three points,” Cheney answered, “plus or minus.”
“The important thing is to get our judges approved to balance out the crazies,” Bush said.
“Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid are coming to talk just about that,” Cheney told him.
Bush looked to White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan. “I want you to stand near the doorway and hit Reid over head with a stick as hard as you can when he enters.”
“I dunno about that…”
“Just do it!” Bush commanded Scott.
Scott hid by the doorway and held up a stick ready to strike. When Harry Reid entered, Scott bashed him on the head.
“I knew he wasn’t a true samurai!” Bush exclaimed.
“I never claimed to be!” Reid yelled, clutching his head.
“Worth checking, though.”
Nancy Pelosi came right up to Bush’s face and smiled. “I’m afraid we’re not allowing your judges an up or down vote. This democracy experiment may have worked in Iraq, but that doesn’t mean we’re ready to try it Congress.”
Bush backed away from her. “Ahh! It looks like she’s trying to shoot her skull out of her face at me!”
Senatorette Barbara Boxer then entered Bush office. “We’re not letting your judges get a vote because they are too extreme!” she said.
“If they’re extreme to you,” Bush answered, “That means they’re either super-crazy extreme or normal.”
Ted Kennedy then emerged at the doorway, not quite able to fit through it. “Grerawerr!” he shouted.
Bush picked up a bat and started hitting Kennedy. “You get out of here!” Kennedy grabbed the bat in his teeth and pulled it away from Bush.
“I told you not to let Ted Kennedy in here!” Laura Bush shouted from outside the room.
“I’m trying to get rid of him, honey!” Bush answered.
Reid had now gotten back to his feet. “We won’t let your judges get voted on. Some are even women and minorities… people who should not be let away from the Democratic Party.”
“Test if he’s a samurai again, Scott,” Bush said.
Scott smacked Reid back to the ground. Kennedy had now chewed the bat to splinters and was still trying to claw into the Oval Office. Bush went back to his desk and picked up a shotgun from behind it. He fired it into the air. “Shoo, Democrats! Shoo!”
The Democrats all scattered.
“Can I hit anyone else with a stick?” Scott asked.
Bush put his shotgun back. “No. Go back to doing useless things like talking to the press.”
“Aww,” Scott whined and then sulked off.
“We need a new strategery,” Bush told Cheney.
“I will see all babies aborted,” the judge told the Senators. “Babies being born is a travesty to mankind. Also, I’ll have homosexuals forced to marry at gunpoint.”
“This judge is in the mainstream,” Senatorette Boxer declared.
“But, according to his records,” Senator Byrd said, “I have suspicion that he’s a black man. Are you a black man conspiring with the Republicans?”
“That’s ridiculous!” the judge answered, sweating out of nervousness. He wiped away the sweat with a handkerchief and accidentally took off some of his white makeup.
“He is a black man!” Byrd shouted, “We can’t be tricked into voting for black man!”
“Guess it’s time for the nuclear option,” Bush told the judge, “Let’s head for the bomb shelter.”
“I thought the nuclear option involved forcing and up or down vote,” the judge stated.
“No one told me that,” Bush answered. He then looked to the Senators. “Now all you Democrats wait here… or within a five mile radius.”