After reading about Frank’s recent bouts of poor health and his precautionary CAT scan, it occurred to me that it may be time to start our very own IMAO contributor dead pool.
Here’s how it will work: pick 3 contributors that you think will die in the next year. You will get 1 point for each fatality. You will get .5 point for certified brain death. You must also list their cause of death for tie breaking purposes. The winner at the end of the year will receive a free IMAO t-shirt and a small vial of cremated remains.
The contributors are:
FrankJ
Harvey
RightWingDuck
Cadet Happy
spacemonkey
Scott
SarahK
Laurence
Aquaman
hmmmmmm . . . let me think
1. FrankJ — wedding related fatality.
2. Spacemonkey — syphilis.
3. Laurence — toxoplasmosis.
I say that Aquaman dies around 40 times over the next year, mainly from blunt force traumas, expolsions, and the occasional death ray. It’s really hard to give totals on any of those though, as I predict he will die by the weapon of choice of any of his upcoming opponents. Everyone else lives to a ripe old age, or at least until August 9, 2006.
Spacemonkey – ninja attack
Sarah K – bleach poisoning
Harvey – autoerotic asphyxiation gone wrong
1: Rightwingduck – Hunting accident (it WAS rabbit season)
2: Spacemonkey – Hit by foam from Space Shuttle Atlantis’ main tank.
3: FrankJ – Accidentally left in CAT Scanner tube while staff went on vacation, his brain atrophied into a persistent vegatative state due to the prolonged exposure to Kenny G and Eenya on the CAT scanner headphones. SarahK eventually has him unplugged after lengthy debate on IMAO on whether or not FrankJ is still self-aware enough to recognize ‘funny’ and a failed filibuster attempt on the discussion by Aquaman. She then changes the slogan of IMAO to be Unfair, Unplugged, Undead and cuts a book & movie deal with Pixar.
Orion
PS: Is it significant that my anti-spammer code starts out 666?
Orion
Hmmm… for a t-shirt? I’m sure something could be arra- ahem! I mean…
Aquaman (Whoohoo!): run over by car. Repeatedly. Tire marks indicate mid-sized sedan that is nothing like mine.
Rightwingduck: I agree with the hunting accident, but this accident happens in the supermarket and involves an armored car, a bazooka, and several full-auto AK47’s.
That girlscout looking person on the right: IMAO.us is hacked and He/She/It is “accidentally” erased from the picture. Seriously though, who is that supposed to be?
Frank J – We may never know the TRUE cause of death, but the scientologist coroner will be sure to list it as “natural” causes and/or suicide.
spacemonkey – Killed by airport security after admitting someone else packed his bags for him.
Aquaman – Bar room brawl with an inanimate carbon rod.
Harvey – Lighting strike from a humorless God who tires of my blasphemy.
Spacemonkey – Electrocution from trying to record his podcast bits while in the shower.
SarahK – Laughs herself to death after God strikes me with lightning.
FrankJ: Evil Glenn gets tired of puppies, and decides to start blending bloggers for sustenance, and he starts with the bane of his existence, FrankJ.
Aquaman: When global warming melts the ice caps, and floods the land, Aquaman will realize he really can’t breathe underwater.
Spacemonkey: Will take Cialis, but refuse to go to the Dr. for that special “rare condition” they always mention on the comercial. His monkeyhood will explode, and he’ll die from shock.
Dude. Need I say that this is very poor taste? Funny, but poor taste. Indeed.
Do I still get the prize if I’m implicated in the deaths?
Just, you know, curious.
FrankJ: DOA: 12/10/05 Headline: Sword-wielding ‘Ninja Bride’ kills groom for being 2 hours late to wedding.
SpaceMonkey: DOA: 04/18/06 Headline: Man killed on front porch by falling space debris.
SarahK: DOA: 08/09/06 Headline: No word from Governor Perry, execution of ‘Ninja Bride’ is carried out.
Dateline: November 14, 2005 – Tragedy struck today as every single contributor to IMAO, with the exception of Frank J himself, was found dead in an apartment building today.
A card was found lying on the ground with these words.
“I’m Donald Rumsfeld. I strangled these bloggers.”
Frank- the Puppy Blender mistakes him for a hobo
Aquaman- drowning
RightWingDuck- cut in a street fight