Reports are coming out of Israel that the Jewish state will be launching an “eye in the sky” satellite to monitor the Iranian nuclear program.
This is excellent news considering previous efforts by Israel’s space program:
- October 1968: Israel launches first satellite, Moishe Sheva (“Moishe Seven”). Constantly plagued by communication errors when Ground Control tries to contact it collect.
- December 1973: Jewish astronaut offered seat on Apollo 15 mission, but refuses because he’d rather go in the “off-season” when the moon isn’t so crowded and the prices at the restaurants aren’t so high.
- March 1982: Israel attempts to launch “Nose in the Sky” satellite, but it achieves incorrect orbit.
- April 1982: Israel launches Rhinoplasty Specialist in the Sky” to adjust orbit of “Nose in the Sky” satellite. Successful, but expensive and not covered by insurance.
- January 1986: IAI engineers suggest to Morton Thiokol that the Challenger’s solid rocket boosters might have improved performance with a slight “O-ring circumcision” procedure.
- November 1993: Israel launches Yasser Arafat into the sky, Arafat survives re-entry. Mission considered a failure, political situation prevents future missions.
- July 1995: After “Nose in the Sky” satellite exceeded operational lifespan, Israel launches advanced “Ear, Nose, and Throat in the Sky” satellite. However, it develops allergies despite deep-vacuum of space. Satellite reloacted to Arizona, still plays golf on weekends.
- May 1996: President Bill Clinton docks successfully with Monica Lewinsky.
- June 1996: Again.
- July 1996: And again.
- August 1996: Enough already, Bill!
- January 1998: Israel sends up its first space station Miami Beach One. Entire crew lost when Mission Specialist Rabbi Herman Goldberg nails a mezzuzah to the airlock and lets out all the air.
- September 2001: Four transcontinential jetliners… Oh. Wait. That wasn’t part of the space program. Never mind. Nothing to see here.
- November 2004: After many delays, second Arafat mission a success.
Good luck, little spy in the sky!
sigh Whatever happened to the good old days, where if you wanted to spy on someone, you just sent a secret operative to monitor them?
pure meshuggeneh genius! the “rhinoplasty specialist in the sky” was great. alas, nothing good is covered by insurance.
you earned your gefilti fish this time!
Excellent, Lair!
Do you know anything about the rumored “Oy in the sky”?
(geek alert)
Those Muslims are really in trouble now that the Zionists are in league with Sauron!
Heh. I liked the mezzuzah on the airlock part. I can really picture some orthodox rabbi getting mad at the engineers for leaving it out and deciding just to take care of that little detail himself…
What? No “Jews In Space” reference from History of the World Part I?
…and what else can this “eye in the sky” do? If I were Iran, I’d keep an eye on the sky, myself.
(i laugh at your geek alert and call it a silly thing)
Too bad the Muslims are in league with Melkor [a.k.a. Morgoth].
“After “Nose in the Sky” satellite exceeded operational lifespan, Israel launches advanced “Ear, Nose, and Throat in the Sky” satellite. However, it develops allergies despite deep-vacuum of space. Satellite reloacted to Arizona, still plays golf on weekends.”
Laurence,
I live in Phoenix, AZ and thanks to the schmucks fro the East bringing their indigenous fauna, we are wracked with allergies.
AZ is no longer a safe haven. Though we have Golf 365, so it’s a nice balance.
Another problem: No good Kosher Delis. Mmmm… Hungry for a Reuben now!